Diary Of A Mad Fashionista

Say No To Internet Censorship, Dahlings!!

2012-01-19T20:27:00.004-05:00

DAHLINGS -

I am certain my delightful worshippers know all about the government's attempt to censor and control what is on the interwebs. So I present you with this:

It is slightly hard to read. (My apologies, but it only reblogs to tumblr.)

The opening lines read:

Today, the world's Largest file sharing site

MEGAUPLOAD

was shut down by the FBI

At the bottom, the web address is http://www.google.com/landing/takeaction

Say no to SOPA and PIPA, dahlings!

Ciao,

Elisa

Welcome To Friday The 13th...

2012-01-13T11:15:00.008-05:00

DAHLINGS -

Happy November 13!

And I've had a traditional November 13. First, the maid came in with the news that she had tried to wash a Charles James chiffon gown in the washing machine. She's currently locked in the utility closet.

Then I decided to take Fletcher for a walk in the park myself, since it isn't raining. I concealed my true identity with a peacoat (ugh), sunglasses and one of those conductor hats every woman in New York in wearing. As if wearing flats wasn't bad enough, a young man decided to show me his knife. His explanation was that he was not robbing or threatening me, just that he was proud of it. The young man had stabbed another gentleman the previous evening in a bar fight.

"Don't you think you should put that away?" I asked with as much sang-froid as I could.

"It's okay, I have a card," he responded. As twisted as this sounds, that is EXACTLY what happened. Then he told me that he had a gun in the back waistband of his pants. The young man let me walk away. This is why I have a driver and Leo walks Fletcher.

After I reported the youth to the police, I retreated upstairs for a restorative cup of tea. Oh, who am I fooling, it was a straight shot of bourbon.

Leo came in with my messages. A close relative needs surgery. This day simply keeps getting more delightful, and it's not even lunchtime yet.

I felt this song expressed how I feel at the moment. The first 1.17 minute is a spoken intro, which you can feel free to skip.

I should mention that I am Italian. So this seemed apropos. The original is in the first person, but I couldn't find a proper video for it.

One thinks that this is a cue to spend the rest of the day in bed with Fletcher and a hot toddy. No gentleman callers. God KNOWS what could happen.

Hope your day is far better than mine.

Ciao,
Elisa

A Timely Song To See In The New Year

2012-01-11T10:34:00.014-05:00

DAHLINGS -

With the GOP primaries and Occupy movements swirling around us, your faithful correspondent thought that this song is particularly timely.

Written in 1931 at the height of the Great Depression, "Brother, Can You Spare A Dime?" was originally a Broadway tune. However, it caught the anguish of the day so well, it became a popular standard. The subject was the men returning from World War One (one of the highest casualty rates in history) to find that there was no work and no place for ex-soldiers.

Other videos of this song include photographs of the riots that mass unemployment caused. You might want to have a look at those as well.

If it does not play here, please go to YouTube.

This is a particularly heart-breaking version, recorded in 1932. It is sung by a very young Bing Crosby, decades before he became the dull, cardigan-wearing "Der Bingle." The photographs depict people caught up in the events, including several famous Dorothea Lange portraits.

Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments.

Ciao,
Elisa

A Last Word From 2011..

2011-12-31T19:37:00.004-05:00

DAHLINGS:

Thank God 2011 is over! Let's hope 2012 brings everyone (particularly moi) better things.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Ciao,

Elisa (Who intends to be far more fabulous in the coming year)

Merry Christmas From Moi & Terry Gilliam

2011-12-25T16:37:00.002-05:00

DAHLINGS -

I'm not exactly in the Christmas spirit. But this did give me a few laughs, and what better to share during the season than laughter?

By Terry Gilliam C. 1968

Enjoy your eggnog!

Ciao,
Elisa

Not A Very Merry Christmas

2011-12-23T20:15:00.004-05:00

DAHLINGS -

This is the first Christmas I have spent without my beloved Bucky. Every year I would post a greeting from the two of us. This evening my eye fell upon it in a file and I wept. I am weeping now. The loss of this dog has been more of a blow that your faithful correspondent could have comprehended. Much of the first half of 2011 was spent mired in grief. (If you think this prose is a tad purple, tough.)

After the death of a loved one, there is the dreaded firsts: first birthday, first anniversary, first Thanksgiving, and now, the first Christmas.

Fletcher is sweet, albeit as neurotic as as a boxcar of Baldwins. But of course it's not the same. It can't be the same. I love him, but you cannot compare months to years.

Next month will be the anniversary of Bucky's death. If you don't hear much from me, that's why. Reviews of "House" might be the only things I write in this blog-thing.

Then again, I could post one sentence or picture a day, and pretend this is Tumblr.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, and whatever it is Buddhists do at this time of the year.

Elisa

Pascal Dangin Wants You To Hate Yourself

2011-12-15T22:48:00.007-05:00

DAHLINGS -

It is no secret that yours truly has inveighed against the saturation of mediated images in film, television, magazines. In other words, everywhere. I first became fascinated (then much later outraged) by the widespread use of computers on images of--well, everything--after watching a computer animator assemble a bucolic background with mountains, trees, grass, and an old-fashioned train and tracks running through it. He moved the elements around, making sure the finished product was a faultless representation of a small town train station in the mountains.

That is old news. We know that every form of visual media use green screens, blue screens, CGI, etc. As your faithful correspondent has also spoken to a CGI expert whose job it was to fill out Sarah Jessica Parker's bony hands frame by frame in Sex and the City 2. Consumers are used to it, so what is the problem? But do they really know what it is that they have become used to?

Now your own camera can "fix" your pictures so your personal visual reality is more satisfying. Even if it does not match what you see in the mirror.

The cosmetic surgery industry is booming. More than at any time, people, men and women, hate their faces and bodies.

An article that addressed that several years ago was "Pixel Perfect" by Lauren Collins in the New Yorker. A profile of Pascal Dangin, a master retoucher who changes the world that you perceive far more than you are aware.

Pascal Dangin, founder of The Box. One assumes he has been suitably retouched.

Pascal Dangin is the premier retoucher of fashion photographs. Art
directors and admen call him when they want someone who looks less than great to
look great, someone who looks great to look amazing, or someone who looks
amazing already to look, as is the mode, superhuman.

...retouchers tend to practice semi-clandestinely. “It is known that everybody does it, but they protest,” Dangin said recently. I mentioned the Dove ad campaign that proudly featured lumpier-than-usual “real women” in their undergarments. It turned out that it was a Dangin job. “Do you know how much retouching was on that?” he asked. “But it was great to do, a challenge, to keep everyone’s skin and faces showing the mileage but not looking unattractive."

[During a session]...he proceeded to a shot of the actress reclining on a divan in a
diaphanous couture gown. “She looks too small, because she’s teeny,” he said. On
a drop-down menu, he selected a warping tool, a device that augments the volume
of clusters of pixels. The dress puffed up, pleasingly, as if it had been
fluffed by some helpful lady-in-waiting inside the screen.
Next, Dangin moved the mouse so that the pointer hovered near the actress’s neck. “I softened the collarbones, but then she started to get too retouched, so I put back some stuff,” he explained. He pressed a button and her neck got a little bonier. He
clicked more drop-down menus—master opacity stamp, clone stamp. ... He zoomed in so that her eyeball was the size of a fifty-cent piece. “I love all of this
little wrinkle”—laugh lines, staying put—“and the texture of skin. As you
retouch skin, you can very quickly shift the tonal value. If you put a highlight
where shadow used to be, you’re morphing the way the orbital socket is
structured. It leads to a very generic look.” Ultimately, he had minimized the
actress’s temples, which bulged a little, tightened the skin around her chin,
and excised a fleshy bump from her forehead. She had an endearingly crooked
bottom row of teeth, which Dangin knew better than to fix.

In another shot, the actress stood in the middle of a busy city street, in
front of a limestone building. Dangin blew up the segment of the screen that
showed her feet, which were traversed with ropy blue veins. Click. Gone.

“There’s a little slumpiness, and the knees look really big,” he said,
stroking a touch pad with a gray plastic stylus to contour the actress’s legs.

Source: Pixel Perfect

I urge my beloved readers to read article in its entirety. There is far more than can be conveyed in one entry. Next time you find yourself in despair because you don’t look like Anne Hathaway, bear in mind that Anne Hathaway doesn’t look like that either.

Ciao,

Elisa

Review: House Enjoys "The Perils of Paranoia" 8.06. And "Pencils."

2011-11-29T21:18:00.012-05:00

DAHLINGS -

I didn’t review last week’s Parents because I had so little to say. Team: Teenage girl has MPD and cancer. House: dead child was deaf. It was supposed to have a “shocking twist.” If it was the child’s elaborate sarcophagus being opened, one must assume the promo monkeys never saw a few episodes of NCIS. Or one episode of Supernatural, where the gore-covered bodies pile up like cordwood. As usual, the episode botched the presentation of mental illness. The creators must dislike the mentally ill almost as much as they dislike women. House got punched a few times. Everybody had a glass of sangria and sobbed despairingly on the lawn.

Moving on to The Perils of Paranoia, the cutesy title warning of the stinking mound of ordure that was about to happen. My agonized screams could be heard for miles. My assistant Leo came in with a peach mango martini pour moi and stared at the flat screen in disbelief. “Why are you watching this crap?”

“I don’t know…” I gasped. “It used to be Hugh Laurie but he’s had all of this plastic surgery and he’s phoning in his performance. And Robert Sean Leonard but he’s not even trying to hide his contempt for the material. And Lisa Edelstein, but she’s gone. BUT I CAN’T STOP! GOD HELP ME, I CAN’T STOP!”

Leo shook his head with a sigh and took a seat.

You know when you see a comedy and all of the decent jokes are in the trailer? That was this week’s “prank war” between House and Wilson. I was so looking forward to it! Wilson believes House has a gun in his apartment. When he goes to ransack the place, an improbable hunting net traps him in the air, which is a funny image. What followed was ludicrous slapstick. Wilson finds a gun in a box marked “House,” in case House forgets who he is when he opens the box. In a scene that lasts approximately ten years and is written in crayon, House waves it around, points it at himself and Wilson, demonstrating with a pencil that the barrel is blocked. “You win,” Wilson sighs.

“Naturally Wilson doesn’t call the police because the crazy felon who runs Diagnostics has a gun,” I remarked to Leo.

"That’s ‘cause they’re married.”

The POTW is a prosecutor, who collapses with a heart attack in the cold open, but of course it’s not a heart attack or we’d have no show. We barely have one as it is. Turns out the uncharismatic patient has a secret bunker behind a bookcase on his wall (OH, COME ON!) loaded with a small infantry’s worth of automatic weapons and C-4 explosives. His wife does not take the news well.

"Sorry, honey,” he tries to explain. “I totally forgot to tell you that I built an underground bunker."

"Why?"

"Well, I had a free weekend..."

He only eats food he cooks himself—I’m assuming he grows his own meat and vegetables at his secret farm under the back porch—and drinks bottled water. The world is going to hell in a hand basket and this guy wants to go vigilante on the bad guys’ collective asses. Come to think of it, Hitler had a lovely secret bunker, with curtains. But I digress.

House thinks the paranoia is a symptom (that means that most of the GOP presidential candidates have diphtheria, too. Sorry to spoil this so soon). The patient didn’t have vaccinations. Do you think that storyline had anything to do with Fox News having a segment on parents refusing vaccines? Do it, Moms, or your kid will throw chairs through the window while hallucinating they’re being attacked by bears. Bears? Seriously? Vigilante Patient has an underground bunker and he’s afraid of bears? Does anyone even clock into the writer’s room?
"Oh, shit, bears!"

Speaking of ham-handed product placement, Adams, the pretty one, while driving with Park, the one whose voice annoys me so I want to reach down her throat and pull out her vocal chords, mentions her Ford cruise control. And a minute later we sail into a Ford commercial! My dear readers, I hoped the creators had a shred of integrity intact, but the Ford ran over the last shred. At least Adams didn’t crash the car into the patient’s house.

Long story short: the patient is paranoid. And he has diphtheria.

Park is paranoid that the rest of the team doesn’t like her. Unfortunately, she’s right. She goes to House for consolation. She is an idiot.

Wilson is paranoid that House has a gun. Wilson should be.

I’m going to make a stretch here to say that Taub is paranoid that Foreman has no personal life. Never mind the details. Foreman hooks up with a horrifically buff former America’s Top Model contestant who’s married. One saving grace of this episode was that Taub was relegated to snarking on the sidelines.

When Vigilante Patient is on the mend, he promises his wife they’ll move to a new house without a secret bunker. “Oh, honey, can it be English Tudor?” she asks, caressing his cheek. “Now that I know you’re an insane time-bomb who still might go off any minute, I love you even more.” Cue heartwarming music. VP plans to donate the arsenal to the Peace Corps. As long as the new house has no bears.

I mentioned the show’s overall dislike of women at the beginning. That was code for “rampant misogyny.” As a friend tweeted, “This is a sausage fest.” They are trying to fill the void left by Cuddy’s departure (her name has been uttered once or twice). Cuddy was a confident, mature, sexual woman with an impressive job. Now we get, what, an anonymous pretty cipher and a teenage geek? And a passel of middle-aged men? Eeeew.

One feels a certain fondness for middle-aged writers and directors, getting back at all of the girls who wouldn’t date them in eleventh grade.

Meanwhile, during clinic duty, House barks out the names of female clinic patients until he gets to the standard-issue Hollywood Hot Babe, and takes her into the clinic room. Har de har har. Let’s laugh at the less attractive women in the waiting room. Is it me, or is House’s awful make-my-ears-look-big dyed haircut making him look more Creepy Grandpa each episode?

"It’s not you,” Leo assures me. “He is Creepy Grandpa.”

The crowning touch is a scene where Chase and Adams, the pretty people, are on the verge of hooking up when Park gets on the elevator. Standing on either side of her, they look like her parents. She gets up her courage asks Chase for a drink, causing him to squirm with a “kill me now” expression on his face, before he agrees. Ha ha ha! Less attractive women are so funny! Especially when they come on to cute guys who’d rather suck on a tailpipe than get naked with them. But, who knows, maybe Chase and Park will get it on. I'd rather that that Chase and Adams.

Side note: what is with the gruesomely thin women on this show? America’s Top Model weighs about 70 pounds but still looks like she could out-bench-press Foreman. When she walks toward Foreman in the gym, he looks like a sofa compared to her. At least women who don’t eat make cheap dates.

At the close, House puts the box with the gun on the upper shelf on his closet, and then takes out his father’s ceremonial Marine sword, caressing it gently before returning it to its hiding place. This was the “mid-season finale” (when did television start using that term?). I guess come January we’ll be watching House explore his daddy issues. Because, honestly, what’s left?

Watching this mess lurch to its conclusion, Leo and I touched glasses. “We lived through it,” he said.

“But at what cost?” I retorted, paranoid that my IQ level had dropped twenty points.

In January House MD will be back to slog toward the finale.
Feel free to express yourself in the comments. But bear in mind that I am always right.

Ciao,
Elisa

EDITED TO ADD: Hugh Laurie has announced he is leaving acting after the final season of House. That's too bad, but understandable. A weekly series is an unbearable grind.

If you are going to post Anonymous comments, let it be known that you have to sign them somehow if you want to be published.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-24T14:06:00.005-05:00

DAHLINGS -

Before I take off for a fabulous soiree, let me wish you all

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

And do remember to eat as much as you want. Enjoy!

Ciao,

Elisa

Book Review: Inside House's Head, and Everyone Else's

2011-11-21T17:59:00.021-05:00

DAHLINGS -

Some of you might have guessed that I am an avid (some might say obsessed) fan of the show “House MD.” And, it almost goes without saying, highly intelligent. So when I found House and Psychology: Humanity Is Overrated(Wiley, 2011), it had to be on my bookshelf.

After I read it, of course. In two sittings.

This is not an official guide, nor is it the usual fan fluff. Edited by Ted Casio and Leonard L. Martin, the book is an anthology of writings by well-known research psychologists and sociologists who are also avid (some might say obsessed) fans. The latest psychological research (including the most up-to-date studies on addiction) is combined with psychological theory. Liberally peppered with scenes and quotes from episodes, it is great fun to read.

The book is divided into four sections.

Part One, The Good: Unlimited Vicodin;

Part Two, The Bad: Psychological Malpractice;

Part Three, The Ugly: Is That My EKG?

Part Four is “House and The Hero’s Journey,” based on the works of Joseph Campbell. It casts House as a “mythic hero.” This is a view some take of House, but for my taste, antisocial bitter sonofabitch does just fine, thank you. But I digress.

About but not limited to the study of the mind of Gregory House, the chapters address authenticity of self, creativity and happiness, to name a few topics. They also include the psyches of the other people in his orbit, as well as dissections of the actual show itself.

“The Psychology of Humor in House” is easy enough to grasp, but how about “You Are Not as Special as You Think: The Political Psychology of House, MD”?

As an example, an excellent article, “Not Even Gregory House Is An Island,” by Dr. Megan L. Knowles, a social psychologist, is about House and the role social support (and his rejection of same) plays in his life. For obvious reasons, James Wilson, his only friend, plays a large part in offering tangible and emotional support, but there are also examinations of how members of the team provide support to each other, and what types.

Other denizens of Princeton-Plainsboro--Cuddy, Cameron, Foreman and Chase--are all examined through different lenses by different psychologists. So are their dealings with House. For instance, the sexual ambivalent-avoidant relationship between House and Cuddy is examined at length, as is her involvement with Lucas in “Love, Liking and Lupus,” by Lindsey M. Rodriguez and Edward R. Hirt.

House and Psychology: Humanity Is Overrated goes up to the end of Season Six. The examinations of the characters through psychology not only give a vast deal of enjoyment, but as a bonus, a deeper insight into oneself as well.

Ted Casio is a psychology teacher and a writer for the Hollywood PhD blog in Psychology Today. Leonard L. Martin is a professor of social psychology at the University of Georgia.
I cannot recommend this book highly enough, for both the casual, avid and obsessed fans. For one thing, you can impress the heck out of your fellow fans with your intimate knowledge of what makes House and his fellow doctors tick.

The book's website is http://houseandpsychology.com/

You can purchase the book either in trade paperback or for Kindle at http://www.amazon.com/House-Psychology-Overrated-Ted-Cascio/

Go forth and enjoy!

Ciao,
Elisa

Jennifer Morrison Steps Out

2011-11-16T10:16:00.005-05:00

DAHLINGS -

Beautiful Jennifer Morrison, who now stars in the hit show Once Upon A Time, was spotted looking absolutely EXQUISITE at the premiere of the Muppets Movie (please forget the second part of that sentence. Muppets--ugh).

She is dressed in a Rebecca Taylor dress, Brian Atwood heels, and an Oscar de la Renta clutch. I admit, I am not wild about the hair. It seems a tad too "milkmaid at the Dutch county fair" to moi.

The focus of her look are these lia Sophia Linear Earrings with black diamond crystals and moss & tortoise resin.

If you want Jennifer's earrings, you can go to www.liasophia.com to find an Advisor.

This is not a paid post. I love Jennifer Morrison, and love these earrings.

Ciao,

Elisa

Review: House MD "Parents" Ep. 8x06 - Clowns Shouldn't Reproduce

2011-11-15T14:26:00.011-05:00

DAHLINGS -

The confusion over Season Eight has been cleared up at last! While we fans were wondering, “What happened to this show? When did it become such a car wreck?” there is now an answer!

In a recent interview, Hugh Laurie, former pillar of artistic integrity, is quoted as saying: "Whatever we're doing now on the show, we're doing it for its own satisfaction. I don't feel like we're struggling to prove ourselves to executives or critics. Not to be complacent about it, but I think we've moved beyond that stage.”
Source: http://tinyurl.com/c39t9q8

Clearly, beyond the stage of producing decent television. Mr. Laurie is making it clear that they no longer give a damn about what they are creating. (Those of us who have recently wondered if Mr. Laurie has been assuaging the tedium of playing the same character for so many years with, ahem, illegal substances can rest assured that “coffee” is what is keeping the company going. Naturellement .)

This week’s episode, “Parents,” was as multilayered as a tuna melt, with the same mushy texture.

I am going to cut directly to the shocking (!) family secret (!): Ben is a teenager who wants to go to Klown Kollege because of his loving memories of his Dead Clown Father. But Dead Clown Father isn’t actually dead. He shows up at the hospital where, after giving DCF a quick glance, House announces that DCF molested Ben and gave him syphilis when Ben was a wee bairn. (House deduces this from the way DCF is walking. Maybe it was from a stilt accident, but what do I know?) The family is shattered, Ben is ruined for life by finding out his DCF is a live CF and a child rapist and the police are called.

Oh. Wait. None of that happens.

Taub decides not to tell Ben how he got syphilis but they don’t show that part—because it might have involved some actual writing—and DCF shuffles out of the picture, presumably on the hunt for more young wanna-be Bozos. Bear in mind, this entire sequence of events, including the Magi-Cam during the “let’s just get this crap over with” explanation takes three minutes of screen time. Not even a final reaction shot from Ben, who is actually an interesting patient.

"Come here, little boy, and I'll show you my balloons."

The theme of this episode is parents. Good parents, bad parents, bad clowns who molest children parents, and Taub. I know there was supposed to be a connection to Taub's story and Dead Clown Father, as in, what's better, an absent father who molested you or a present father who doesn't touch your privates? Or something along those lines.

Taub's two illegitimate daughters are both named Sophie. Most of the episode is taken up with Taub’s—uh, Taub’s—Taub’s futzing around with the babies because the ever-annoying Rachel wants to move Sophie #1 to Portland along with her new BF. Meanwhile, Ruby, the other baby mama (be grateful she’s not named Rachel) bitches at Taub that she can’t afford a baby yada yada. I used to love Taub before his personal life became The B-Story That Ate The Show.

House isn’t around much for “Parents.” There is a passing mention of his two fathers. At last! An exploration of this pivotal shaping of House’s character and worldview. Oops. It’s a throwaway line. House wants to accompany Wilson to Atlantic City to sing ringside at a prizefight. So most of House’s storyline is devoted to getting his ankle bracelet off. Or dealing with a fat clinic patient who is convinced who has diabetes. Or randomly announcing that everyone's parents screwed them up.

Or trying to find out what Adams’s deep dark secret is. Adams, as usual, seems faintly distracted, as if worried she left her Iphone at the mall. Her big secret is that she was a good girl who ran away to see if she was a rebel, but she wasn’t. Is anyone even IN the writer’s room?

Most of my notes are along the lines of “Taub? Again?” and one notation: WILSON. Robert Sean Leonard has dropped any semblance of interest in his character—I don’t blame him—who has largely been reduced to sight gags. When one starts to feel nostalgic for the chicken bet, one is peering into the abyss. Foreman calls Wilson into his office and tells Wilson that it’s his duty as a friend to stay with House and watch the fight on television. Wilson realizes, shocked, that this is the truth as well as his higher duty (to be honest, the way RSL played it I was sure Wilson was faking) and takes the tickets out of his pocket.

The end of the episode shows Wilson coming to House’s place with pizza and beer, eagerly turning on the fight, only to see Foreman and House sitting ringside, toasting each other with a beer. Ruefully, Wilson eats pizza.

As my betters say, WTF?

David Shore and company are doing the artistic equivalent of leaving a flaming bag of dog poop on the audience’s collective doorstep.

POST EPISODE CONCLUSIONS:

Hugh Laurie has it in his new contract that he only has to work eight hours a day.

Robert Sean Leonard has gone even more meta than the show itself by delivering his lines as if even he can’t believe them.

Nice little anecdote about how Chase became interested in medicine.

Foreman as Dean of Medicine continues to delight—when he isn’t involved in stupid gags.

Terra Nova is on before House to make House sound like Chaucer. The strategy isn’t working.

Ciao,
Elisa

Review: House MD "The Confession" Ep. 8x05

2011-11-10T14:33:00.007-05:00

DAHLINGS -

Confession: your faithful chronicler finds herself brought so low as to be groveling for a crumb of ANYTHING. The theme song is back! Amazing how the smallest things can make one ridiculously happy.

Everything's going to be okay! Brilliant of TPTB to wait 4 episodes until the theme song came back, along with Chase, Taub, and the diagnostics office!

Chase! Taub! Wilson! Whiteboard!

What does it say about an episode that the best thing I can say is that it didn't make me angry, and I chuckled a few times?

“House M.D.” is not even trying to be a serious program any more. The show has morphed into a meta parody of itself. The characters becoming caricatures, the "fun" back in the form of jokes that aren't funny, and wild n' crazy antics! And everybody involved knows that, so in later episodes we might possibly be spared any form of gravitas. "House" can't pull it off any more. It's back to hooker-on-a-Segway time. You want serious character development? Sorry, we got tired of doing that.

We open on a pleasant rural town, Cedarville, in the 1950s. Bob Harris, Champion Little League coach, Harvest Scholarship Fund treasurer, and owner of the town's only gas station, is receiving an award for being a pillar of the community at a county fair. (A county fair? Near Princeton?) He is watched by local beauty queen Miss Cedarville.

Quick cut to a motel room, where Bob is putting his pillar to good use having sex with Miss Cedarville. The inevitable happens: he has a heart attack on top of her. Rule Number One on House: Do.Not.Have.Sex.Ever. It either brings you to the brink of death or merely ruins your life. Or you drive your car into your ex’s house.

Suddenly we time-travel to the present. Chase and Taub stand before Foreman’s desk. There’s some old-school banter, then reality jumps the rails once again. Taub was counting on two days off, because he has to look after his two children. It’s not noted exactly why the mothers took off at the same time or why Taub can’t afford a nanny, but what the hell, the babies are adorable and good for some sight gags. Not to mention House torments Taub about the babies’ paternal origin. What happened to Season 4/5 Taub, who gave as good as he got, and more important, DIDN’T HAVE PLOT LINES THAT CLOG THE SHOW AS MUCH AS GREASE CLOGS A SINK DRAIN? He even gets Wilson (the head of Oncology, as if that matters any more) to baby-sit and roll them around the lobby, thus dooming Wilson’s chance of being taken seriously by any of the staff ever again.

The POTW (Jamie Bamber, late of Battlestar Gallactica) has “confessed” the truth to his wife. True to her 1950s values, she will stand by her man. Cutting to the chase (pardon the pun) the patient’s problems include:

Seizure. Check.

Liver failure. Check

Eeeew! Skin peeling off in sheets! Like the ballerina in “Under My Skin” in Season Five! Except this is even more disgusting. (Whatever happened to the cases where people had gone to dozens of doctors before they went to House?)

The entire town of Cedarville time-travels to PPTH to offer Galatica Guy a piece of their livers. However, Galatica Guy “confesses” everything from ripping off his neighbors to embezzlement to being a vampire—oh, wait, that’s another show. Cedarville promptly time-travels back to the 1950s.

If it hadn’t been obvious from the get-go that the confessions are the principal symptom, it’s evident that suddenly the team have forgotten they’re doctors and haven’t noticed Altruist Guy's and Galactica Guy's defining characteristics were overdone and obviously a symptom from the first scene. And both are diagnosed by one of the ducklings in the same crazy way. I mean, come on, it's one thing to repeat plot-lines from earlier seasons, but a plot line from two episodes ago?

Meanwhile, Adams and Park still haven’t learned to act, which makes Chase and Taub back quite refreshing. House rags on Chase for staring at Adams’s non-existent breasts. Later it’s back-story time for Adams, and forgive me, but I wasn’t listening. But it was probably a “confession” of some kind. The scenes between House and Wilson seem off-kilter. I’m guessing the actors are saying their lines and going home.

Without going into the details of House hiring a construction crew and Foreman never noticing, or how Galactica Guy’s skin peels off but his face reminds intact, or Taub’s two goddamn babies, TPOW is diagnosed with Kawasaki’s Disease. And is able to lie to his wife about having an affair. “I knew it,” she gushes, and they return to the 1950s.

The end is very funny but also preposterous. The construction has been to make a wall that rises at the touch of a remote that slides up to reveal—wait for it—
Wilson’s office. Why get into whether or not Wilson knew about it, or where the damn wall goes when it raises up, etc. etc. ?

The best thing to do is to pretend it’s a sitcom and wait for the canned laughter.

Ciao,
Elisa

P.S. When you respond to this review, please bear in mind that I am always right and do not approve hate mail.

The Milliner's Guild Celebrates St. Catherine's Day!

2011-11-06T19:40:00.002-05:00

DAHLINGS -

This press release crossed my desk. As Ellen Christine is my favorite hatmaker, I simply had to share the information! More specifics as they arrive.

For decades, the Saint's Day of St. Catherine has been celebrated by milliners worldwide.

New York City milliners have taken up the torch and created their Made in Manhattan version of a St. Catherine's Day Parade. The Fete is on the 17th of November, and has as its backdrop the picturesque menagerie of the Carousel in Bryant Park and the extraordinary exhibit from Victoria and Albert Museum in London: Hats: an Anthology by Stephen Jones.

The Milliners Guild's membership comprises some of the most colorful accessory designers in the world of hats : 50 and more milliners who love their craft/art!

This event coincides with Hats: an Anthology by Stephen Jones, a world-acclaimed exhibit housed at BCG until April 15th. A lecture, The Surrealist Hat, will be given by Dilys Blum, curator of costume and textile at the Philadelphia Museum of Art.

As I said, dahlings, more will be revealed, and you shall be the first to know. And remember, wear a hat!

Ciao,
Elisa

"Fat" Necklaces On Sale At Fancy Lady Industries

2011-11-02T22:03:00.004-04:00

DAHLINGS -

I believe in encouraging talent when I see it. Natalie Perkins, who writes the blog http://www.definatalie.com/, is a blogger and designer. She has designed a line of necklaces using the word "Fat".

Photo courtesy definatalie.com

Now, many women might feel uncomfortable wearing this necklace, but for those who are fat and proud, this just might be the perfect accessory for you. It comes in an array of colors. Look on her website to shop Fancy Lady Industries. Her personal story is inspiring, and I have no doubt we shall be seeing more of Ms. Perkins in the future.

Disclaimer: I only write about things I like. I am not paid for my posts.

Ciao,
Elisa

Review: "House" & "Risky Business" Hit A New Low 8x04

2011-11-01T09:39:00.017-04:00

DAHLINGS -

Viewers who thought the creative minds behind House MD had destroyed the character in the season 7 finale are in for an unpleasant surprise. Apparently House can still be plumbed for new depths, while being stripped of whatever compassion, sense of ethics, and humanity he may have possessed in the past. Moral turpitude found new lows in last night’s episode of House, “Risky Business.” At the time, the episode seemed merely stupefyingly dull. However, in the cold light of morning 8x04 is simply hideous.

To the tune of "Morning Has Broken," the patient of the week (Michael Nouri) is a business magnate who intends to move his company to China, thereby losing thousands of American jobs and destroying family tradition. His daughter vehemently opposes his decision. Unfortunately, her pro-America argument is interrupted by Nouri finding his hand very small.

Once we’re back at the hospital, Adams strides in, in a low-cut black dress reminiscent of the sorely missed Cuddy. Except that Adams is barely out of high school and the costumers had to pleat her chest to give her cleavage. As always, her cascade of hair is impeccable. It’s a bit disconcerting when she’s bending over the patient—wouldn’t a real doctor wear a ponytail or a braid to keep stray hairs from getting everywhere? (Your faithful correspondent has long, flowing hair, so I know whereof I speak.) Even Thirteen used to pin some of it back. Oh, wait, that was when this mess resembled an actual television program. Adams yammers at Nouri about ethics, which seems rather odd when he’s in an MRI. Aren’t the patients supposed to remain silent? (Correction: he was being radiated, as a commenter pointed out. My narcolepsy must have kicked in.)

House lectures Adams about the 99% and why they deserve to get the shaft. And why she should drive her car through her ex-husband's living room.

Oops. That was when David Shore et.al actually cared about what they were doing. My respect for Hugh Laurie drops another ten points with each episode. He practically slept through this one. (Not to mention that his hair and beard are still that bizarre ginger color.)

The bottom line: House buys stock in the company when it drops because of the news of Nouri’s ill health. He then makes a huge profit when Nouri decides to move the company to China! He urges the magnate to sign the press release, in front of the magnate’s horrified daughter. Way to go, you rascal House, you! Insider trading, ruining thousands of lives, losing thousands of American jobs, AND wrecking the magnate’s family in the process!

**********************************************

Pardon me, I had to pause writing the review so I could vomit.

***********************************************

The show has moved me, it has made me think, it has angered me, it has bored me. But except for last season’s finale, I have never felt utter DISGUST. Is this supposed to be cute? Is this “going back to the fun”?? What do they do in the writer’s room, torture kittens?

Dr. Park floats around the periphery, her disciplinary hearing won because, well, she’s just so adorable, how can you fire her? (Besides, she's signed up for the season.)

The POTW’s illness is described quickly with some medical gobbledy-gook. This season, the MagiCam has been used to (loudly) distract from whatever diagnosis House is spouting. The visuals have become as confusing as everything else. Can someone tell me what the diagnosis was? It involved a lot of spinning red discs, that much I know.

At the end, House buys back his old department with his ill-gotten gains and Wilson (who is on for a few nanoseconds) a check for $5000. I suppose this is supposed to make up for all of the money House owes Wilson, and it conveniently buys his friendship for the rest of the season as well. Which is nicely symbolic of Robert Sean Leonard keeping his job.

In the last moments, we discover that Adams is going through a divorce (gag me) that will supposedly give her character some depth. Given her age, she must have been married down South. House hands her a baseball bat and watches, grinning, as she destroys the orthopedic equipment that has occupied his “office,” as “Morning Has Broken” plays on the soundtrack. Yes, nothing says “catharsis” like trashing expensive medical equipment out of spite.

As one friend wrote to me:

The $5000 was money he stole from Wilson - he was just returning it.

Crimes committed by House in this episode-
Insider trading (twice)-
Blackmail of patient for money-
Theft of $5000 from Wilson-
Theft of a $200,000 piece of medical equipment (he pawned it somewhere presumably? must be a great pawn shop!)-
Assault on ortho guy (shining a light in his eyes designed to make him ill*), near assault on ortho guy (only saved by having an epiphany at the last moment)

Pretty good record for a guy on parole....

* I shall be honest and admit I had to cover my eyes during this section, because I have a mild medical condition where I cannot look at flashing lights.

On the positive side…

On the positive side…

Hmmm.

Wilson looks hot.

Foreman’s character is being fleshed out beautifully, after years of standing around looking sullen. He projects authority, intelligence, and humor.

Not to worry, House will have his minions tearing up Foreman’s office for no good reason before season 8 is over.

Edited To Add: The ratings are also hitting new lows. 6.55 million viewers, down 19% from last week. Oh, dear, I forgot the juggernaut that is Dancing With The Stars. And Two And A Half Men. And Mike and Molly at 9:30 EST.

Ciao,
Elisa

Plus Sizes Were Already Fashion Forward! Who Knew?

2011-10-22T19:10:00.006-04:00

DAHLINGS -

Several years ago, in one of its ritualistic orgasms, the fashion world discovered “Jeggings.” Leggings made out denim! Who had thought up this amazing blend of comfort and style?

Plus size designers, that’s who. For years “denim leggings” had been available to the larger lovely who did not want the discomfort of traditional blue jeans. Some were plain, others had stitching like regular jeans, and some even belt loops and mock fly fronts.

Manufacturers and designers have caught on to the fact that plus size clothing designs, are comfortable and cheap to manufacture. At Full Figured Fashion Week in 2010 among the swag was black rayon long vest that fell around my body in becoming folds. It was the first I had seen of this garment. Now, they are everywhere. Plus sized women have been wearing “flyaway” cardigans, tunics and babydoll tops for years. Now, so is everyone else. Who knew, rather than frumpy, we are in the fashion vanguard?

For one thing, the bonuses for those who actually manufacture the clothes are the lack of buttons and proliferation of economical materials. Calling fabrics “tissue cotton” and “whisper-light” are euphemisms for “flimsy, thin and cheap.”

For another, these drapey garments are universally flattering. Heavy women have been wearing capes, ponchos and cover-ups for as long as memory serves. Now women from size 0 to 12 are also swanning about town in flowing robes.

It is not necessarily because Americans are getting heavier. Strolling the streets of Manhattan, one observes a great many thin women wearing fluid rayon tops, swirling open-front hip-length “cardigans” with strategic folds and ruffles, and jeggings. Victoria’s Secret, that bastion of body-con, has fluttering “cardis” (a nauseating term).

Photograph courtesy of Victoria's Secret

Going higher up the fashion food chain, one sees that designers are also not averse to billowing fabric, albeit higher quality. The models under them are also “whisper-thin.”

Martin Grant

Photos courtesy of GoRunway.com

In another entry I shall bemoan the common trends that plague the plus size industry, but that is for later. For now, take satisfaction that even the gauntest fashion plate is covering up.

Ciao,

Elisa

Review: Is "House" Now A "Charity Case" ? 8x03

2011-10-18T17:15:00.006-04:00

DAHLINGS --

Episode 8x03, “Charity Case,” is aptly named. It sits on the street, legs crossed, begging bowl in lap, looking toward the viewers. “Please help me! Please, give me my demographic! Look, I gave you back the Magicam! The whiteboard! Clinic duty!”

This episode reminded your faithful correspondent of a rickety beach house. Boards slapped on haphazardly to keep the wind out. Poles keep the walls from collapsing. Years ago, this was a lovely house, but time, the elements, and spectacularly bad judgment have brought it to this sorry state. Very well, I’ll stop the metaphor there and leave out the part about the bad wiring.

In the open, as soon as the POTW (Wentworth Miller) talked to the woman at the shelter, I knew after his exit she would find a mysterious check for ONE MEEILLION dollars! (Pinky at mouth.) As soon as Mr. Handsome leaves, he collapses and we go to:

The utter lack of credits. What foolery is this? If you’re going to go “back to basics,” why not restore the song? Is NBC too cheap to pony up the money for the rights? Is it because Odette Annable might jump to the other show when it’s renewed and they’ve have to remove her credit? Just a sort of orangey picture and a huffing noise. Only “Supernatural” can pull this off.

Mr. Handsome is a gazillionaire who gives all of his money away and lives in poverty. Naturally, this does not sit well with his wife, who probably wants a decent three-bedroom apartment with a view. Like the environmentalist in S5 "Saviours," the POTW feels that other people are equally deserving--if not more so--than his own offspring.

House is sure Mr. Handsome’s extreme altruism is a symptom, that nobody is that generous.

As in:

S2: “Autopsy” – House believes courage is a symptom (no)
S4: “No More Mr. Nice Guy” – niceness is a symptom (yes)
S5 “Brave Heart” – bravery is a symptom (sorta)
S6: “Instant Karma” – millionaire gives up money to save his son (it didn’t make any sense at the time, either)
S7: Some guy jumps in front of a train to save a little girl – heroism is a symptom (can't remember)

13 puts in an appearance, telling House she has found the right girl and doesn’t want to be a doctor any more. Since we already know this is Olivia Wilde’s last episode, listening to her argue with House is tiresome. But—and this is bizarre—the most colorless character on the show suddenly seems like a STAR because she’s in the same room with House’s two new little girls.

These two actresses…I mean, why? Charlene Yi can’t act and has the most annoying voice since Cuddles, the Downy Soft bear. Odette Annabel can’t act either, but she is excellent at wearing her hair in a fetching cascade down one side. The reason why they have been hired might be that Laurie, Shore and Yaitanes are all having mid-life crises and nothing eases the pain like a barely pubescent female. In fact, this may be why Hugh Laurie is using Just For Men on his hair and beard, rather than the foxy silver it is in real life. From the front he looks like he’s wearing three reddish brown pom-poms on his head.

Getting “back to basics” means bringing back the Magicam (a welcome addition); a repeat of the scene where House pitches small objects (peanut shells) from the balcony toward the back of a janitor; clinic duty, which manages to be unfunny AND derivative. A kid is masturbating. Wow. Back to the fun, indeed.

Wilson puts in an appearance as House’s conscience and provides the epiphany, I forget how.

Foreman gets to break House’s balls over deliberately dosing Mr. Handsome to create symptoms before Mr. Handsome can be discharged. “You’re off the case.” I like this Foreman. But then, I’ve always loved Foreman.

Still, the void created by the lack of Cuddy is unmistakable. No mature female on the show, no interesting sexual politics, no one for a woman over the age of 18 to identify with. No woman who can act. Yi and Annable enact a subplot about Yi’s inability to accept charity (OW! That anvil hurt when it hit my foot!). Chase is going to appear ridiculously old when he shows up; House already looks like their horny grandfather.

To cut to the chase (God, I miss Chase), House and his two little girls/new team solve the case. Mr. Handsome’s altruism is a symptom of a nodule on his thyroid. Before he diagnoses Mr. Handsome, House tries to get a ONE MEEEILLION DOLLAR donation to get his team back. And presumably the office next door, now being used for orthopedics. He diagnoses Mr. Handsome, and no ONE MEEILLION DOLLARS for poor House. Oops.

Then it’s time for a last dose of altruism, as House selflessly sends Thirteen away to a life of Sapphic pleasure in Greece. And Ms. Wilde to a multi-million dollar movie career.

So perhaps it’s not altruism, it’s sour grapes.

Ciao,

Elisa

Prevent Mississipi from Passing Personhood Amendment!

2011-10-13T09:11:00.004-04:00

DAHLINGS

As you know from my previous blog posts, I am a supporter of a woman's right to choose. Today I am writing about an issue that is getting no attention in the mainstream media.

Mississippi is voting on November 8th on whether to pass Amendment 26, the "Personhood Amendment". This amendment would grant fertilized eggs and fetuses personhood status.

Putting aside the contentious issue of abortion, this would effectively outlaw birth control and criminalize women who have miscarriages. This is not a good thing.

Jackson Women's Health Organization is the only place women can get abortions in the entire state. They are trying to launch a grassroots movement against this amendment. This doesn't just apply to Mississippi, though, as Personhood USA, the group that introduced this amendment, is trying to introduce identical amendments in all 50 states.

What's more, in Mississippi, this amendment is expected to pass. It even has Mississippi Democrats, including the Attorney General, Jim Hood, backing it.

So if you sometimes pass on political action because you figure that enough other people will do something to make a difference, make an exception on this one.

If there is ever a time to donate or send a letter in protest, this is that time.

What to do?

- Read about it. Wake Up Mississippi is the home of the grassroots effort to fight this amendment. Daily Kos also has a thorough story on it.

- If you can afford it, you can donate at the site's link.

- You can contact the contact the Democratic National Committee to ask why more of our representatives aren't speaking out against this.

- Like this Facebook page to help spread awareness.

Darling readers, I ask that you do whatever you can to prevent this from happening.

Margaret Atwood was more prescient than one hoped.

Ciao,
Elisa

The Morning After: House Season 7 in Two Minutes

2011-10-04T19:06:00.007-04:00

DAHLINGS -

I simply had to post this, made by The Morning After.

If this doesn't work, you can watch it here:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/285039/the-morning-after-season-7-of-house-dubbed

Ciao,
Elisa

Let Loose The Attache' Case of War: Mercury Falls by Rob Kroese

2011-10-04T16:19:00.008-04:00

DAHLINGS -

You might think that reviews are not my bailiwick, but a survey of this blog-thing will show that I have reviewed books, films, and of course, television.

Mercury Falls is the first in a series by humor writer Rob Kroese, whose day job is as a pastor. In an interview, when asked his greatest influence, he starts off with the Bible, but corrects himself to say Douglas Adams.

Hence, my review of this tome must start with a disclaimer: I am an atheist. Not only am I an atheist by choice, I am an atheist by upbringing. I know not the Lord’s Prayer. I have only glanced through the Bible. (Not enough descriptions of the clothes, for one thing.) The longing for spiritual meaning is to me as foreign as wanting to be a contract lawyer. And I have never read Douglas Adams, either. So if you are a big fan of those books, you might want to stop right here.

Since Mercury Falls assumes knowledge of the Bible and Christianity, quite a bit of the story was perplexing. Was there supposed to be higher meaning to the organizations and conflicts therein? Some organizational principle that this reviewer simply didn’t know? Perhaps. It is an entertaining read, but pour moi, often confusing. However, Kroese has a quick wit and a way with dialogue that pulled me through.

Imagine, if you will, that the Apocalypse is nigh. And nigh. And nigh. That is the hamster wheel career of reporter Christine Temetri. The unlucky lass covers apocalyptic cults for The Banner, a religious publication. The hitch is that the Apocalypse never shows up. And Christine is getting End Times burn-out.

As she is about to quit, her editor gives her an assignment that leads her to Gabriel Mercury, an angel who has gone rogue. He has forsaken the task of arranging the end of humanity for beer, ping-pong and Rice Krispy treats. (I heartily agree with him.) While Christine remains a bit of a cipher throughout, Mercury is engaging (at one point he compares the Apocalypse without the Antichrist to "The King And I without Yul Brynner"). The most entertaining participant, for me, is the petulant Antichrist, Karl Grissom. Up until the start of his reign, Karl has been living with his mother and playing videogames. The latter is excellent preparation for being the Antichrist, as far as your devoted epistler is concerned. This is an up to dateArmageddon. The Four Attaché Cases of the Apocalypse have been loosed. A reference to the Attaché Case of Death made me laugh out loud.

Part of the opening set piece, a small-time cult leader invoking the Bridegroom with the help of some local girls as the Ten Virgins, is very funny. As is the assassination attempt on Karl’s life in front of a restaurant giving out free cheeseburgers. But the plot is absolutely Byzantine. The opening set piece was only part of a long chapter, most of which could be distilled down to a few sentences. Angels and devils all abound, and linoleum figures into the story as well.

The writing is witty, but Kroese needs to overcome a fondness for an overly-jokey, self-congratulatory style. And footnotes. The latter seem to be more for the author’s entertainment than the reader’s. The ending of Mercury Falls is abrupt, as if the novel had run out of ideas. Heaven knows this novel has ideas aplenty, pardon the pun And the last chapter is…well…annoyingly self-indulgent. Its main purpose is to deflect any criticism of the story being too dense, too long, and having footnotes.

But if you are a fan of Douglas Adams and writers of his ilk, this book may well be your cup of myrrh. Kroese is a writer who needs an editor to pare down his text and thereby polish his wit.

You can find it at http://www.amazon.com/Mercury-Falls-Robert-Kroese/

Ciao,

Elisa

Plus Model Magazine & Just As You Are Present Innovative Coats!

2011-09-28T12:46:00.015-04:00

DAHLINGS –

During New York Fashion Week, Plus Model Magazine and AUI Ltd. hosted a plus-size “blogger conference" to introduce their innovative line of plus-size coats, Just As You Are. We met for cocktails at the lavish Hudson Terrace. It was fully equipped with computers for Twittering. In attendance were Marie Denee, the Fat Apple, Curvatude, and other larger lovelies of influence in the curvy community.

From left, Rhea Norman, Maddie Page (executive editrix of PMM), Tulin Reid, organizer of the event, and friend.

Most coats sell in "standardized" sizes, which change from manufacturer to manufacturer. Not only do the sizes vary wildly, there is the issue of “vanity sizing.” I strongly disapprove of this tactic. Why should I be called a Medium? In a misses size a medium might fit around one thigh.

The innovation is that Just As You Are has created a “matching system” that pairs women’s key body measurements directly with those of each coat and jacket. This gives larger lovely a nearly customized fit.

Erica Watson

Tulin with designer Mark

As drinks were sipped, we were treated to a fashion show of simply gorgeous coats. Glamorous Erica Watson, actress and comedian, provided an entertaining running commentary. The designer, Mark, a handsome young man whose first language is decidedly not English, read from descriptions of each garment. Listening to him stumble over words made the event even more enjoyable, for some bizarre reason. What can one say, some of us have a twisted sense of humor. Rhea Norman styled the models impeccably.

The models, all plus size, walked through the crowd, allowing us to paw at the garments. What impressed your loyal epistler the most was the construction details: extra buttons, branded metal zippers, excellent workmanship. AUI Ltd. has been designing and making women’s’ coats for over 50 years. Their expertise showed. Their laudable intention is to bring fine fashion to the great unwashed masses, and they succeeded.

Your faithful correspondent examines a coat.

The Angola coat

The Aurora coat

My personal favorite was the Angola, a zebra striped boiled wool handkerchief hem coat. Alas it is unlined, so it is not for moi. I am violently allergic to wool. However, there was a wealth of velour, down, faux fur, faux leather in various styles. My other favorite was the wool melton Aurora jacket, a modern "mixed media" coat with an assymetrical zip front. Not my usual style. But when something looks that good on moi I am willing to bend my own rules.

After viewing the coats, the designer and Ms. Watson took questions from the audience. We were a vocal lot, and I do hope we were helpful. I know I was, with my vast store of fashion knowledge and superb style of expressing myself.

By far the best part (besides the cocktails) was the racks and racks of coats for us to try on! After the presentation an absolute riot broke out as we rushed to grab our favorites from the racks. I might have body-blocked Marie Denee.

Exhausted from the day, I did not attend the roof-top afterparty. In the elevator, the teenaged operator told me I was beautiful and asked for my number. The rest is silence.

Save for one thing: please visit http://www.asure.com/ to discover their selection. Yes, I know you don’t want to take your measurements, but do so, it will be VERY worth your while.

Ciao,

Elisa

House MD Advance Review: "Twenty Vicodin" SPOILERS

2011-09-25T21:06:00.006-04:00

DAHLINGS -

The premiere episode of the 8th season of House M.D. is titled “Twenty Vicodin”. One suggests that if you do not care to be “spoiled,” as the saying goes, stop reading right here and go page through InStyle. Please bear in mind that this review is based on a review copy, so there may be significant changes before the episode airs.

********************************************************

When Dr. House plowed his car into Lisa Cuddy's living room in last season’s finale, “Moving On,” fans and critics were left in various stages of bafflement and rage. Then it was announced that the superb Lisa Edelstein was leaving for greener pastures. What to do?

A quick makeover! From Homicidal Maniac House to:

Sad and Sexy House. This House not only has a smoother, younger complexion, wider eyes and less gray in his beard, he also sports a leonine head of brown hair, glinting with gold and red highlights. In the first close-up we have of House after the open, lying in bed facing upwards toward the camera, Hugh Laurie looks as dewy as a maiden on a Spring morning. Physically at least, prison has been exceptionally good to Gregory House. Maybe it's the L'Oreal VitaLift cream.

Emotionally, House doesn’t seem particularly remorseful, maybe quieter than usual. It is left to the other characters to tell us how much he’s punishing himself. He has refused to take any calls or see any visitors in the months he’s been there. One does hope he sent his mother a postcard.

“Twenty Vicodin” carefully lays the groundwork for audiences to fall in love with House again. This is supposed to be an “out of the box” episode. But it’s the same box in new wrapping paper. As listlessly written by Peter Blake and directed by executive producer Greg Yaitanes, the script follows the House formula. Except that none of the other regulars appear. And it’s set in a penitentiary.

The opening has House before the parole board. House parrots all of the defenses David Shore gave in interviews after the disastrous finale. Nearly word for word. Which must have saved a few days in the writing room. Having served most of his sentence—and a damn light one it is, too—House has five days before he is released. However, if he gets into any kind of trouble, no matter how minor, he’ll be stuck in prison. From there any sentient being knows the ending.

For one thing, he has to appease the leader of a gang of quite well-behaved middle-aged neo-Nazis. (One can imagine them in lawn chairs muttering “Kids today…no values…”) James Cagney would scare the fertilizer out of any of these fellows. House must give the leader, Mendelson, half of House’s daily allotment of Vicodin. Before he leaves, Mendelson orders that House pay an “exit tax” of twenty Vicodin.

House and Mendelson discuss medicine

Yaitanes’s style tends to be over the top: explosions, musical numbers, and of course House smashing into Cuddy's living room. One of the unexpected aspects of this episode is that it is quite tranquil. The prison setting has the feeling of a large dormitory, with worse security than PPTH. That is saying something. As the inmates mill about the two-tiered set, there is one or at most two guards to be seen. If this is a minimum security prison, why are there psychotic killers there? If it is a maximum security prison, why aren’t there more guards? Why are there female guards, nurses and doctors? None of the prisoners harass them sexually? I told you these men were well-behaved. Or the cooks put saltpeter in the chow. There are a few punches thrown, but that’s about it until House reneges on Mendelson.

House’s cellmate is a homicidal killer (Kaleti Williams). This character was my personal favorite. Williams manages a complex performance with only a handful of lines. Guest stars Jaleel White and Michael Pare’ also have a handful of lines each, the latter appearing as the prison warden in the cold open, and the former as a chipper fellow inmate.

There is the PTOW, a memorable one for a change, repeatedly misdiagnosed until the final epiphany (the reveal is the sappiest I’ve ever seen outside of a Lifetime movie). There is a Wilson substitute who provides obligatory lectures and tells House not to be House. There is Cameron 3.0 in the person of Jessica Adams, a wide-eyed pretty young doctor. Odette Annabel, who plays Adams, looks completely out of place, as if she’s wearing her mother’s lab coat. As well as a gold necklace that has magically managed never to get stolen in a prison clinic. She is further burdened with the largest amount of expositional dialogue (when House tells her he wants to study Dark Matter physics so he can avoid any more human contact, she exclaims girlishly, “You can read people! You understand them! You gotta go back to medicine!”).

There’s only so much suspension of belief one can work with. The POTW’s arm is broken in one dramatic scene then not treated or even referenced again. And House as a prison janitor? “We need a janitor—let’s get the crippled guy!” (Small note: how does he get up and down the stairs?) How is he surviving on two Vicodin a day? The show hasn’t bothered much about House’s pain problem since Season Five, so when his cane is stolen he’s able to limp about ably with his hand on his thigh. He rubs it now and again to remind us it is there.

Hugh Laurie turns in a workmanlike performance. His passion has moved on to music, and it shows. The rest of the cast is uniformly good. As for the script, as one fan put it,"All I wanted from this episode was for it to Just.Not.Suck." It doesn't.

If this premiere episode is formulaic, at least it’s a workable formula.

Ciao,
Elisa

Photographs courtesy Fox/NBC

Fashion Week, S/S 2012 Day Four

2011-09-25T00:50:00.003-04:00

DAHLINGS -

I have little to write about Day Four of Mercedes Benz Fashion Week. It was the tenth anniversary of the destruction of the Twin Towers on September 11th. Even though the torrent of media jibber-jabber and one-day-only patriotism incensed moi, it seemed disrespectful to go to the tents.

Instead, I went to the Firemen's Memorial Ceremony on 100th Street.

Because of that, I missed Diane von Furstenberg, Custo Barcelona, and Tommy Hilfiger, among others.

No regrets.

Ciao,
Elisa

Fashion Week, S/S 2012 Days Two and Three

2011-09-21T17:18:00.012-04:00

DAHLINGS -

An article in the past week’s New York Times by the estimable Cathy Horyn spoke of Fashion Week’s “Split Personality.” The real excitement is apparently downtown, where the young and tragically hip mix together. Uptown is far more staid, conventional, and...

Frankly, boring.

With its new, shiny, computerized approach, Lincoln Center may well have become a far less interesting mass-market version of an exclusive French dressmaker's salon. (If that last sentence made sense to you, 15 points.)

For example, a photographer I know, Mohammed Kasim, cannot get into the tents any more. Season after season we found each other in the tents. Kasim likes to photograph the wanna-bes prowling the outer tent, every shimmer and spangle on their outfits screaming LOOK AT ME. However, neither the wanna-bes nor Kasim are allowed in. Not even strange little Painted Suit man was to be seen. A woman who went to great lengths to be mistaken for Lady Gaga never made it inside, either. Daily she was to be seen in one hideously elaborate outfit or another, but her tiny button nose gave away the game. No matter, dozens of tourists snapped her photo.

As for the fashion? Much of it was mundane. The Luca Luca show offered pretty colors, prints and soft fabrics. And not much else. (One knows a show is in trouble when the thing you lust after is the shoes. Mon Dieu, the shoes!) Honestly, how does one review a show when that’s all there is to say? It was pretty. Some of it might feel nice. End of story. The models were all, as usual, appallingly thin. So much so that their lack of thigh fat made them look bowlegged.

One is certain that the models would have vomited up the tiny 4 oz. cups of free "kefir" if they'd tried to eat them. And not because the product was that bad.

Nicole Miller’s collection, well.

The intarsia knit prints were loud. And I despised them. But maybe I am not their target demographic. Apparently the designer was inspired by the speed of a skateboard “shredding the air.” If there is a woman out there who has a fervent desire to dress as an elderly skateboarder, this collection is for you.

Vivienne Tam’s show was also a parade of pretty, soft fabrics and soft, wearable dresses. She has a weakness for orchids, and the design of the petals was embroidered, cut out, or detailed on skirts and the front of dresses. I enjoyed it by far the most, and I’m sure they will do well in the stores. But…

Perhaps I am too much of a classicist. But if I am, why did so many of the shows leave me with such a feeling of ennui?

Coming up: the Emmy's Best and Worst Dressed, Plus Size Model Magazine's Special Blogger Event, and more Fashion Week!

Ciao,

Elisa

Fashion Week Spring/Summer 2012, Day One

2011-09-17T17:59:00.014-04:00

DAHLINGS -

Last Thursday kicked off the festivities for Mercedes Benz Spring/Summer 2012 Fashion Week, held in the tents at Lincoln Center. The lobby tent resembles a car dealership more than anything else. The impression is reinforced by the two Mercedes Benz automobiles parked on either side.

In keeping with the new austerity, the sponsors had drastically cut down their offerings. Chambord was no longer. There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth over the loss of the bar and consequent free drinks.

Frappucino was also not to be found. That sat well with moi. I missed the McCafe at Bryant Park, where huge sweet coffee drinks with whipped cream and chocolate sauce kept me going throughout the day. Tresemme’ is still there. But instead of shampoo and conditioner, they are offering dry shampoo. Pardon my lack of excitement. The Maybelline stand, formerly generous with its offerings, allowed you to pick one item. I remember two seasons ago running in without my lipstick. The lovely lady there gave me two, one for before and one after 5 pm. No such luck now. However, I did choose the Maybelline Falsies mascara. The two lipsticks offered were coral and fuchsia, the two colors I cannot wear.

Arizona set up large coolers of various tea drinks and the most nauseating virgin pina colada I have ever gagged down. There is never free food (nobody eats at Fashion Week), but there was a café at the perimeter where one could pay ridiculously huge amounts for a salad.

The tone was muted as well. Most of the female attendees wore little black dresses. Only the very young women wore bodycon dresses in garish colors. While waiting online for the Tadashi Shoji show, I noticed a beautiful young woman wearing a 1980s Tadashi blue ruched Qiana dress.

“Pardonnez moi, but is that dress vintage?”
She turned and gave me a condescending look. “You don’t know Tadashi’s design history, do you?” And turned back.

Two Tadashi dresses from the 1980s

No, I suppose I don't. Strumpet.

The runway show itself? Terne, terne et morne. I was oft reminded of Laura’s dress on Ep. 6 of Project Runway.

Yes, Tadashi was out of his comfort zone. One wishes he’d stayed put. Many dresses were ombre’. As some interstitial idiocy during Project Runway put it, “Ombre’ is the new black!”

You know a show is not going well when the photographers' "pit" barely flashes a light, and the audience sits quietly until the end. I would write more but thinking about that show causes my narcolepsy to kick in.

Ciao,
Elisa

Fashion's Night Out 2011: At Avenue

2011-09-12T13:13:00.015-04:00

DAHLINGS -

Before your dutiful scrivener (look it up) shares her midway Mercedes Benz Fashion Week runway report, I should like to begin with Fashion’s Night Out. It is a pulsing climax of retailing, with “pop-up” stores throughout the city. Liquor flows freely to encourage shopping madness. The lines at Missoni alone were simply out of control.

Your faithful correspondent had decided to stay in and take a hot scented bubble bath (my special scent created by Sarah Jessica Parker). My teens and twenties are far enough behind me that the notion of spending the night body-blocking other fashion hounds whilst wearing high heels was less than appetizing.

However, the siren call of the bathtub had to wait. Avenue, the plus-size clothing line for women, invited me as a celebrity guest blogger, along with Brooke Elliot, the star of the Lifetime television show “Drop Dead Diva.”

My fashion choices were an Avenue black dress with lace and ruching, 4" black heels, and a huge vintage black hat. No jewelry. I believe the rule of "before you leave, take one thing off" applies particularly when you are wearing a huge feathered black hat.

Ma chérie jolie lecteurs, the store was so crowded you couldn't’t get a nail file between the bodies. So many gorgeous plus-sized women, all shapes and sizes! All happy to be there among their own. Champagne was passed, as was finger food.

Alicia, the publicist, a shy, sweet redhead was not at all the usual fast-talking PR machine. I was introduced first to Selina Zaccagno, Avenue's Divisional Merchandise Manager for Avenue Body, Shoes & Accessories. Selina in turn introduced me to almost all of the corporate staff. To be honest, after a bit it was a blur of black dresses and name tags. I saw the stylish @Curvatude, wearing a gray shrug tied under the bust and a long green skirt.

Brooke Elliot
Brooke Elliot arrived. She is stunningly beautiful, probably a size 22/24. Decked out in an Avenue animal print chiffon dress, Ms. Elliot posed for endless pictures with gaping fans.
I had a private consultation with stylist Jacqui Stafford. She praised my “beautiful bust, waist and hips,” naturally. Then she proceeded to tell me how best to cover them up. She was quite nice but there was definitely an element of cognitive dissonance there.

Brooke Elliot and Jacqui Stafford

Then came the runway show. My major quibble is that the models were small. Not nearly as terrifyingly thin as the usual Fashion Week models, but thin enough so that they did not do the clothes justice.

Ombre wool coat

Apres the show - damn that camera man!

The line is more chic than their previous clothes, particularly the new denim separates. Brooke Elliot helped Selina on the runway, discussing the styles and what she would wear. Before my camera died, I was able to grab a few snaps.

After a long day under the tents at Lincoln Center, I staggered back to my (featured in Architectural Digest) flat, and gratefully sank into my long awaited bath.

Plus tôt, je le promets.

Ciao,

Elisa

all photos Elisa DeCarlo

Avenue's Fashion's Night Out Extravanganza!

2011-09-07T18:19:00.003-04:00

DAHLINGS -

My fellow larger lovelies, are you feeling frustrated by the miniscule sizes offered at most of the FNO Pop-Up-Stores?

While others may run hither and thither tomorrow night, you shall find moi in midtown, at Avenue, one of the finer retailers for plus-sized women. They are throwing an FNO party that promises to be delightful! Particularly since I will be there.

As you can see above, guests shall have the opportunity to meet the beautiful and talented star of Drop Dead Diva, Brooke Elliot. Ms. Elliot is one of the few Hollywood actresses who has not succumbed to the pressure to lose weight (yes, I'm looking at you, America Ferrara).

And one on one styling sessions with reknowned stylist Jacqi Stafford.

FNO at Avenue will take place from 6-10 PM at Avenue, 711 Third Avenue near 43rd Street. I keenly anticipate the runway show! There were also be surprises, raffles, and a DJ.

Not only can you meet me, you can also meet my fellow bloggers Plus Model Magazine, Stylish Curves, The Big Girl Blog, Curvatude, & The Fat Apple.

But of course the most important reason to attend is to meet moi. Imagine those bragging rights!

See you tomorrow,
Elisa

Mercedes Benz Fashion Week And September 11

2011-09-02T21:32:00.003-04:00

DAHLINGS -

It's still a tad hot and sticky here in my beloved Manhattan. Which only makes it all the more unreal that Mercedes Benz Fashion Week comes lumbering into town next week. AND during the media orgasm of celebrations/memorials/we will never forget thingies to commemorate the 10th anniversary of September 11th. Good timing, organizers.

Bad enough that we shall have to view the same horrific images countless times. Bad enough we have to view George W. Bush. Even worse, Dick Cheney. I might have had sex with him but I am still doing penance for it.

A ridiculously young moi with Dick Cheney back in the day

The schedule for MBFW is not on my desk. I plan to spend September 11 at home. With the flat screen off.

One good aspect to this is that the fashion world is probably too unimportant to the rest of the world to get blown up.

And your faithful correspondent is delighted to note that "vintage" is in again, as in mid-20th century. No amount of money would get me into a disco jumpsuit again. But as for the 40s and 50s, I'm ready to squeeze into my corset and wow the public as always. Fletcher is too much of a shy flower to accompany moi. One cannot risk him peeing in fright on Fern Mallis. One doubts she would have much of a sense of humor when it comes to canine urine.

So, good luck to all of my cohorts who are busily packing to come to New York. Take my advice and take the train. Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it, and we don't want anyone blown up.

Ciao,
Elisa

Sorry, I Don't Want An "Amazing Transformation!"

2011-08-23T23:07:00.005-04:00

DAHLINGS –

Since the discovery that there were vast sums to be derived from making others feel inadequate, never has such high intelligence has been devoted to low self-esteem.

And never has technology had such effective tools to work with. Between CGI and Photoshop, women (and everybody else) have almost no access to unmediated images.

For example: when has Oprah EVER looked like one of her own magazine covers? It sickens moi when Oprah has those “empowering” title lines on her covers. “Be The Best You?” Then how about showing us the REAL You, Oprah? The woman who is overweight, with heavy arms. This is not meant as a criticism of Ms. Winfrey’s physique. It is a criticism of Ms. Winfrey’s holding herself out as an example. An example that is a LIE.

Ms. Winfrey believes that her bazillions of followers will not buy her magazines if Oprah Winfrey actually looks like Oprah Winfrey.

The mind boggles. In fact, it makes my head hurt if I think about this too much.

Larger lovelies are further marginalized not only by Oprah having herself halved in size, but also the eradication of any and all normal flaws in media images. We are so ceaselessly bombarded by smooth, creamy perfection at every turn that oneself cannot measure up. Even the perfect people are not perfect enough. In television and movies, no wrinkles, bulges, unsightly moles, body hair, bra lines, panty lines, a dress wrinkled in the waist and skirt from sitting down—thanks to CGI, “all gone!” as a friend of mine says to her shiba inu when lunch is done.

To reach out to larger lovelies and spread the word, http://www.aboutcurves.com/ is having a charity drive for NAAFA (National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance). They have asked plus-size bloggers to write, and I am proud to do so. Even if, as always, I'm slightly late. Click the link for more information:

http://www.aboutcurves.com/charity

Before I write anything else, there is one item I must get off my ample chest: if I meet the people behind the Victoria’s Secret ad campaigns and catalogs, there would be blood on the streets. Even the gaunt Dachau victims that lurch down the runways during Fashion Week are more realistic than those pencils with false breasts. Victoria’s Secret has it all…One can feel bad about being skinny, flat-chested, large-chested, heavy, tall, short…any woman that does not look like these bizarre hybrids. And the quality of their merchandise is far lower than their prices would indicate.

The name “Victoria’s Secret” brings to mind the image of a young Victorian female, all plush curves and dimpled elbows. Beautiful lingerie enhancing the splendor of an actual human body. Sensual fabrics on sexual females. The hint of a double chin above a soft neck. Long hair spilled across a satin pillowcase.

Thousands of ads toting exercise machines, DVDs, pills, programs, all guaranteed to make you lose weight and keep it off. Sometimes I wonder:
a) Why have I never met anyone personally who underwent such a transformation?
b) If all of those hordes of “afters” are thin, how can there be any fat people left, logistically speaking?

You might think this is a “been there, done that” tirade. We have been there. We have done that. But never as completely. Never as unremittingly. Women are trained from the cradle to think of themselves as physically inadequate in some way. Heavy women even more so. Now, overweight isn't only overweight, it is a crime against humanity. At least according to TMZ and their ilk.

Where are the role models for larger lovelies? Every time a heavy beauty has a career breakthrough…she sheds poundage. And since said beauty has always given publicity about “loving myself the way I am”, the frantic backtracking becomes comic to watch. “Yes, I did love myself at that weight, but life can be enjoyed at any size!” THEN WHY DID YOU LOSE SIXTY POUNDS, BITCH? (Yes, I’m looking at you, Jessica Hudson. I know there are others. But I’m looking at you.)

We are betrayed at every turn. America Ferrera started “Ugly Betty” as a larger lovely, but grew progressively thinner as the show’s run went on. Singer Jordin Sparks is ´delighted´ to have lost weight. Media websites love to run slideshows of “Amazing Transformations!”

That’s another peeve. You don’t lose weight. You have “An Amazing Transformation!” “Complete Body Makeover!” Good God, it makes me long for the days when the goal of losing weight was well…losing weight. Buy a smaller bra. Wear pleats. Can we ever go back? If we're going to make abortion illegal again, while we're at it, can't we go back to excess poundage not being a mortal sin?

Pardon the pun: Fat chance. My apologies if this rambles a bit, but I have low blood sugar. I am going to go eat a chocolate cupcake. In public.

Ciao,
Elisa

Daily Venus Diva Launches Diva In Need Project

2011-08-18T13:21:00.003-04:00

DAHLINGS -

This is a cause I can truly support for larger lovelies everywhere!

The number 1 plus-size lifestyle magazine, Daily Venus Diva.com (DVD) is pleased to announce the launch of the Diva in Need Project, which will begin on Thursday, August 18th, 2011.

This new outreach program has been created to encourage women across the plus-size market to find their own empowerment, while providing them with opportunities to better their lives that they may not currently have access to.

Stephanie Penn-Danforth, Editor-in-Chief of Daily Venus Diva Magazine says, “Every Diva deserves to have her dreams come true, her wishes granted. This contest not only allows DVD to become a deserving woman’s fairy god mother, but it gives us the opportunity to introduce readers and contestants to plus-size friendly companies.”

Every month, DVD will select one deserving entrant based upon their need, and work with plus-size business across the nation to contribute the necessary item. The first business to announce their intention of working with this program is Sealed With A Kiss Designs, a Los Angeles-based company offering trendy, affordable plus size fashion.

DVD is looking for women that need:
new attire
resume services
technology
or anything else that will help them land a new job, get that promotion, or succeed in a task that will better their lives and circumstances.

Program Director and Editor Janie Mackenzie-Cohen states, “I am incredibly excited to speak with these women, learn more about who they are and listen to their stories. It’s seems almost impossible for DVD to select just one deserving woman per month to provide these services to, but we are thrilled that we have the ability to help strong women make the absolute best out of the opportunities they are presented with and thrive in all areas of their life!”

To find out more about the program, please visit: www.DailyVenusDiva.com

To submit your story and need, please e-mail: Janie@DailyVenusDiva.com

Please link this blog entry to anyone you think may benefit!

Ciao,
Elisa

Bust Magazine Lauds WWII War Hero Nancy Wake

2011-08-18T08:35:00.009-04:00

DAHLINGS -

Every now and again I stumble across a story that I simply must share with my darling readers. This is from Bust Magazine:

The Real Wonder Woman: WWII Hero Nancy Wake Dies at 98

by Erina Davidson

She was possibly the most badass woman in the history of World War II. One of
the most decorated WWII servicewomen, Nancy Wake led 7,000 maquisards - armed resistance fighters - in battles against the Nazis. She rode a bicycle for more
than 500 miles through several German checkpoints to replace codes her wireless
operator had been forced to destroy in a raid. She even killed an SS sentry with
her bare hands - a fatal karate chop - to prevent him from raising an alarm.

Young, slender, and beautiful, Nancy flew under the enemy radar; the
Nazis were looking for gun-wielding, burly men like themselves. Little did they
know, the brunette bombshell was a fierce Nazi killer. For her ability to evade
capture, Nancy was given the code name “White Mouse” by the Gestapo.

For more of Ms. Davidson's fascinating article, please click on the title link. It is truly inspiring. I highly recommend this tribute to an amazing woman. And not because she looks like Barbara Stanwyck.

Ciao,

Elisa

Movie Star Style Icon: Marlene Dietrich

2011-08-16T10:41:00.013-04:00

DAHLINGS -

In an effort to share my vast knowledge on fashion and cinema, this is the third in the series of my guides to vintage movie stars (i.e. before 1965). This guide is devoted to another style icon whose career spanned the 1920s to the 1960s: Marlene Dietrich. Such career longevity is almost unheard of in Hollywood. She was a style-setter in her time, in the way she wore her clothes and the way she lived her life. The subject of the previous entry, Joan Crawford existed for one reason: to be a movie star. She signed autographs and answered fan mail to the end of her life. Marlene Dietrich, however, had many other interests than movies. But she spent her last years in seclusion, refusing to let anyone see her in her old age.

Marlene Dietrich (born 1901 - died 1992)

MARLENE DIETRICH (real name: Maria Magdalene Dietrich von Losch)

There are those who think that Marlene Dietrich is at best a campy creation, an exaggerated 30s vamp with perfect legs who swooned about in arty lighting and ridiculous costumes. But how did that creature survive more than thirty years as a top draw in the entertainment business? She succeeded in films, won over audiences in live stage shows, and entertained troops in World War Two. (She is shown below, slogging in the mud with American soldiers in Germany.)

According to many biographers and friends, she was also a born hausfrau who loved to cook and often brought food to sick friends. But when it came to her career, she was a compulsive perfectionist. Designer Edith Head remembers that fittings took hours, as Dietrich scrutinized every fold and bead on her costumes. There were mirrors set up behind the cameras so Dietrich could check her lighting. Nothing was allowed to be less than perfect when Dietrich was on camera.

She was a married, working actress with experience in both stage and screen when Josef von Sternberg cast her as the cabaret singer who causes a professor's downfall in The Blue Angel (1930). von Sternberg saw her as a dangerous temptress, uncaring, erotic, viewing her victims with a jaundiced eye. Always pragmatic, Dietrich lost 20 pounds before she made her first American film, Morocco (1930), in which she famously made her entrance in a man's tuxedo, kissed a woman on the lips, and gave a flower to co-star Gary Cooper.

The star and director made five more films together at Paramount, and Dietrich wore some of the most amazing costumes of the 1930s. The designer was Travis Banton, who costumed all of Paramount's top female stars. In Shanghai Express (1932), she wore one of her most iconic outfits: a full length black traveling suit covered in black feathers, with a feathered black turban and nose veil.

During this period her costumes were often outlandish, increasingly so as she worked with von Sternberg. In contrast, she was known offscreen for wearing trousers, the first star to wear them in public. Slacks were only worn on the studio lot before then.

This was one of the most important fashion innovations of the 1930s, although pants were used mainly for casual wear. It was not lost on Dietrich that her blonde beauty was even more striking in mannish attire.

Their final collaboration, The Devil Is A Woman, (1935) was a box-office disaster. During shooting, von Sternberg announced they would no longer be working together, which came as an unpleasant surprise to Marlene.

But, pragmatic as ever, she moved on. She had remained married to her husband, Rudolph Seiber, in name only and had a daughter, Maria. In 1939 Marlene, along with Joan Crawford and Katherine Hepburn, was named "box office poison" by the Motion Picture Exhibitors of America. So Marlene moved to England, where she moved among the cream of British show business society, including Noel Coward and Cecil Beaton.

It was at this time that Germany's former ambassador to England visited her with a personal offer from Adolph Hitler to make her "The Queen of the Reich Cinema." Marlene listened but showed him the door.

The film that turned her career around was Destry Rides Again (1939). Marlene was cast as saloon singer Frenchy opposite sheriff James Stewart in this Western comedy. It put her back on top, and she remained there until 1943. Marlene had been quietly using her money to get friends out of Nazi Germany, but she wanted to do more. She decided to entertain U.S. troops at home and overseas. Under the auspices of the Office of War Information, Dietrich made broadcasts in German and French that were transmitted to citizens under Axis rule in Europe.

After the war, she made the classic A Foreign Affair (1948), her glamour intact.
(The gown above was designed by Edith Head.)

After that her films were few and far between, but included the classics Touch of Evil (1958) and Witness for the Prosecution (1958). Dietrich was uninterested in television. Except:
On an Academy Awards show, Marlene strode onstage in a high-necked black dress by Christian Dior. The sleeves were to her wrists, and the gown was skin-tight. But it had one large slit, exposing her spectacular legs as she crossed the stage. Dietrich wore no jewelry. She was a sensation.

In the early 1950s, Marlene Dietrich began her international nightclub career. As stated in the earlier guide on Marilyn Monroe, designer Jean Louis created a seemingly "naked" dress, by building the dress over a flesh-colored corset, using flesh-colored netting and plenty of sequins. The photo above is from 1967.

In 1964, she made a cameo appearance in Paris When It Sizzles, stepping out of a white limo and entering the House of Dior, clad (of course) in a white Dior suit with matching hat.

A few years before her death, Maximillian Schell made the documentary Marlene, interviewing Dietrich in her apartment in France. Dietrich was heard only in voice-over, refusing to be seen on camera. She would not allow friends to see her old; instead she spent hours on the telephone, in bed. To the last, she would not let the legend be sacrificed.

Ciao,

Elisa

copyright Elisa DeCarlo - use of this material is forbidden without written permission

Movie Star Style Icon: Joan Crawford

2011-08-02T13:34:00.007-04:00

DAHLINGS -

Today is the second in my series of movie star style guides. Today, we draw our attention to the actress who became known as the Queen of Camp. Her career lasted from the silents until television. She was devoted to her fans above anyone else, and influenced current fashion throughout the 1930s and 1940s.

Joan Crawford (born 1906 - died 1977)

JOAN CRAWFORD (real name: Lucille Le Seur)

Our first sight of Joan Crawford in Mildred Pierce (1945) is the Crawford many of us have in mind: Wearing an impossibly broad-shouldered mink swing coat with matching hat, long dark hair, thick black eyebrows and a huge, lipsticked mouth to match her huge, haunted eyes.

But there were many other Joan Crawfords before that: the 1920s cutie, the 1930s clotheshorse, the early 40s grand lady of MGM. All of them had one thing in common...they came from hardscrabble backgrounds and were determined to earn respectability.

Lucille Le Seur was born in Texas, to parents who had divorced before she was born. Her mother remarried a man from who she separated when young Lucille was eight. The family traveled a great deal, and Lucille often changed schools. At the age of eighteen, she won a Broadway chorus job. In 1925, she was put under contract by MGM, the Rolls-Royce of movie studios. Her name was changed through a fan magazine contest. She didn't like it. "It sounds like craw fish," she was quoted as saying at the time.

Her earliest parts involved dancing and playing the wild young "flapper," much like Clara Bow. By the end of the 1920s, Crawford was a bona fide star. During her off-hours she enjoyed winning Charleston contests.

When sound came in, she proved to have a pleasant speaking voice and worked to train it. She was one of MGM's top female stars in the early 1930s, dressed by Adrian, the studio's most important designer. Crawford's shoulders were broad in relation to her hips. So he created the broad-shouldered look she cultivated ever after. Her landmark costume was a ruffle-shouldered gown for Letty Lynton (1932 ).

The dress was a sensation. Immediately copies of it showed up in every dress shop in America.

Sheila O' Brien, president of the Costume Designers Guild, believes Crawford had more fashion impact than any other female star at the time because Adrian did great things with her. O'Brien said: "Adrian used bizarre cuts and different things but they were so right, because she was always the poor girl who married the rich guy and got all the beautiful clothes, or the rich girl who married the chauffeur and still got all the clothes."

She often starred opposite Clark Gable, MGM's top male star, with whom she had an affair. But her parts became too alike, and her box office slumped, so MGM let her go. Crawford was out of work for two years before she made Mildred Pierce (1945) for Warners. It was the first time she played a mother. For this film she wore off-the-rack house dresses. The first time she wore one on the set, the director looked at her and said, "Goddamn shoulder pads!" With that, he ripped the dress open down the front.

Crawford was not wearing shoulder pads.

Joan Crawford won an Oscar for Mildred Pierce. She had a new look, harder and more harshly made up, but it suited the post-war period perfectly. Always she wore ankle-strap shoes, even when times changed and other women stopped wearing them. Joan turned in a number of excellent performances at Warner Brothers, including Possession (1947) and Daisy Kenyon (1947).

Crawford had three failed marriages, all with actors less well-known than she, including Douglas Fairbanks Jr. So she adopted four children and in 1955 married Pepsi-Cola executive Alfred Steele. After his death, she became the first female director of the company, as well as its official hostess, which helped to keep her in the public eye. She was not much interested in the realities of family life, an unpleasant trait she shared with many Hollywood stars. Her daughter published a much-disputed memoir that became made into a campy film after Crawford's death.

Joan Crawford continued to make movies, although the budgets grew lower, the scripts more lurid, her acting more strident. The Western Johnny Guitar, directed by Nicholas Ray, is a camp icon (1954). Towards the end she was making horror films, such as the classic Whatever Happened To Baby Jane (1962) with Bette Davis and the far less classic Strait Jacket (1964). Crawford also developed a serious drinking problem. But she was professional to the end, answering her fan mail personally, every day.

If you want Joan Crawford's quintessentially 1940s look: try for tailored suits (preferably with shoulder pads), ankle strap shoes, large costume jewelry, tailored dresses (not shirtwaists), slim skirts, high-necked 1940s blouses, pinstripes, wide-shouldered fur or wool coats. For evening, dark gowns in rich fabrics, long sleeves, no ruffles. Think grown-up sexy.

Even though it is terribly hot here in New York City, this makes me want to put on a flowing satin evening gown and mink coat. And then pass out from heat stroke.

Ciao,
Elisa

Project Runway Returns, And Heidi Is Bitcher Than Ever

2011-07-29T19:07:00.026-04:00

DAHLINGS –

Last night’s premiere of Project Runway, now in its ninth season, demonstrated that the show keeps becoming more sadistic than the season before. The opening featured 20 designers auditioning for the Fab Four: Michael Kors, Nina Garcia and her hair extensions, Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn. Seeing them in the daylight was slightly bizarre. In an industrial setting, each designer, quivering with terror, showed their garments to the panel. One poor designer’s creation caused Tim to cry out, “I AM HORRIFIED!” Who are you, and where's Tim??

Before we had a chance to find out their names, 4 unlucky contestants got the boot, with only a few seconds of embarrassing footage to show the folks at home. It was difficult to see the logic of the judges’ picks. To be perfectly honest, they were all terrible. This season, within the opening moments, Heidi attained a level of bitchiness she could only dream about in, say, Season 6. Perhaps the plastic surgeon tightened her vagina a bit too tightly after her 25th child was born.

When it came to the eliminations, your faithful correspondent knew that Testicular Cancer Guy, Black Guy and Old Guy* would not be let go. *Old Guy is 57-year-old Bert Keeter. I fell in love with him as soon as he came onscreen. And not because he bears an eerie resemblance to Martin Sheen.

One hoped Laura Kathleen, a self-described blonde Barbie with a screeching voice, would be eliminated, but no. One prays she gets auf’d soon so that we don’t have to listen to her each week.

The remaining 16 celebrated and fell into bed. Only to be rudely awakened at 5 AM (how can Tim manage to look so impeccable at that hour? Does he sleep in a hyperbaric chamber?) for the toughest first challenge one's seen on this show since we started watching. It was called “Come As You Are.” Each designer was brought to the work room in what they were wearing in bed, given a bedsheet, and told to create “a look” from those materials. There was the by-now standard gasp of horror from the designers. They were given hospital scrubs to spare the viewers the sight of their naked bodies. And, presumably, a great deal of caffeine.

Designer Julie Tierney looked at her garish patterned pink pajama bottoms and talked about “my vision.” Dahlings, my vision would have been blurred. Bert Keeter was using his checked boxers (how can you not love a man who wears checked boxers?). The best part was watching Tim tear into Rafael (an insufferable man) for making a boring outfit and refusing to use the colorful headscarf he was wearing. And this was the edited version. Tim walked away, saying that one had to use tough love at times. It was more like Tim cut a bitch, but whatever. Rafael earned it.

Laura asked about two other competitors, "Are they speaking foreign?" Enough about the personalities, on to the Runway!

Let me begin by saying that almost everything on the runway was so rampantly ugly one was fairly certain the judges and I would be in complete disagreement. Heidi and Michael wore their usual inscrutable expressions, Nina Garcia her usual non-expression (and a disinterested “hi” to the designers). The guest judge was Christina Ricci! I was delighted to see her, even though she seemed out of her element. And some in my viewing party thought her dress far too casual for the occasion. Heidi wore a beautiful green dress, one of the best runway show looks we’ve seen.

For the hell of it, I've introduced an arbitrary grading system. My blog-thing, my rules, dahlings.

Anthony Ryan – the gray and black lace trimmed top wasn’t so bad, but the enormous pubic patch on both sides of the skirt…there are no words. All right, perhaps bleeeccch. D
Anya – the focus had been on her much of the episode, because of her pronounced lack of experience and confidence. Which meant she wouldn’t get auf’d. A pity, because her gray silk pants were abominable, with a pronounced bulge in front that would have made Milton Berle proud (look it up). C
Becky - a little aqua dress that was really quite sweet. B-
BERT! Yes, I am hopelessly biased. I love love loved his gray draped dress with one bodice panel and strap made from his checked boxers! (On another note, I hope he washed them first.) A
Bryce – an off-kilter long-sleeved dress. C+
Cecilia – cute outfit with a coral bubble skirt B
Danielle – From nightwear to loungewear, with linebacker shoulders to boot C-
Fallene – How can one not like a dress that features a clown vomiting rainbows? B
Joshua 1, henceforth known as Crying Joshua – UGLY UGLY UGLY ill-fitting shorts, top and something that is supposed to be a bolero hoodie but fails miserably. F
Joshua 2 – my notes for this creation read “AGfly”. Not sure if that was a strangled scream or bad penmanship D
Julie – Uh-oh. Her “vision” needs glasses. Garish jammies slash across the bodice with yellow above and badly made gray pants below. D
Kimberly – Yes, that is a bedsheet, all right. A billowy draped bedsheet around the collar. Reminds me of childhood sleepovers. C-
Laura – DAMMIT! Decent flowing pants and top. B-
Olivier – Ill-fitting gray top and skirt. What is it with these designers and gray? C
Rafael – Oh.My.God. What’s wrong with this outfit? What’s right with this outfit? Gray leotard leggings with an ugly seam in the front, white trapeze top flaring open at the belly, and the scarf—the scarf—used as a clumsy neck trimming. F
Viktor – A sweet sporty white dress with black inserts, well-made.B+

Michael Kors was determined to bring the bon mots. He called Rafael's scarf a "Flintstones bib." Not sure what that means, but it's a good soundbite. Ms. Ricci struggled to find some good in each outfit, or at least hurt the designer's feelings. Michael Kors ripped whiny Crying Joshua a new one, who tried to throw his model under the bus. "There were fit issues." Tell me about it.
Heidi ADORED Bert's dress, which made me love her...until I have to go back to hating her again.

Best Three: Bert, Anthony Ryan (!), Anya (?)
Worst Three: Crying Joshua, Julie, Rafael

I simply could not believe it. The judges loved Anya's abominable pants, when the norm is if pants aren't perfection, the contestant gets auf'd almost before they get to the Final Six.

BERT WON THE CHALLENGE!

My guests jumped up and down, screamed, sprayed champagne (they’re paying the carpet cleaning bill) and there was merriment all ‘round. Laura K was NOT happy about Bert’s win.

I prayed that Crying Joshua would be auf’d, not Rafael. For one thing, Rafael’s hair would be fun to look at week to week. With Project Runway, these things matter. But Rafael was auf’d, while Crying Joshua wept his way into the waiting room.

Favorite line of the evening: “I haven’t gotten this pissed since I had cancer.” Interesting priorities.

That's it for this week's episode, dahlings. I look forward to seeing you all on Twitter.

Ciao,
Elisa

New York's SEXIEST BENEFIT July 25 for Planned Parenthood!

2011-07-22T13:08:00.017-04:00

DAHLINGS -

This is your chance to get tickets for Summer, Sex and Spirits, the 7th Annual Benefit for Planned Parenthood!

HUDSON TERRACE
621 WEST 46TH STREET
8 PM - 11 PM

Open Bar, including a Summer, Sex & Spirits specialty cocktail!
Sexy performances by Calamity Chang, Darlinda Just Darlinda & Ginger Brown
Hot music by Justine D & DJ Ayres
Naughty balloon artistry by Mistress B
General Admission: $40
VIP Tickets: $75

For tickets and information go to

www.ppnyc.org

Fabulous silent auction & raffle prizes including items from:
Christian Louboutin, Daredevil Tattoo, Shinn Estate Vineyards, ION Salon, Babeland, Old Village Hall, Darphin, MoMA, Chilewich, Candle 79, Artist Victoria Blewer, Angelo David Salon, Rachel Comey, Skinny Skinny, Malia Mills, Duane Park, Artist Karen Goetzinger, Guggenheim, Mets, Lenor Romano, Astor Center Wines, Fox & Boy Hair, Edgewater Gallery Vermont, Jen Huang Photography, Yankees, Exhale Spa, 3rd Ward, Eve's Garden, Holly Hudson, SHOKra Studio, Wendy Mink, The Frick, Alphabet City Acupuncture, Only Hearts, Brooklyn Brainery, New York School of Burlesque, Artist Marcelo Gallegos...and many more!

VIP Tickets: $75
Includes admission to the VIP reception from 7:00pm-8:00pm featuring gift bags courtesy of Bag the Habit, balloon artistry by Mistress B, artisanal cheeses from Lucy's Whey, sweet treats by Dulce Desserts & sunset cocktails on the Garden Terrace.

21 and over.

See you there!

Ciao,

Elisa

Movie Style Icons: Marilyn Monroe, Jean Harlow, Rita Hayworth

2011-07-20T09:00:00.000-04:00

DAHLINGS -

As an cinemaphile I am in a unique position to know, when reading a listing online for womens' vintage clothing, whether or not the movie star used as a keyword would have actually chosen to wear it, or even be alive to wear it. This first guide will help you, the buyer, make a more informed choice between sellers who use the names only as meaningless keywords and those sellers who use them correctly.

For this first guide I am keeping it simple by using the movie stars that I run across in Vintage Womens Clothing listings the most:

Jean Harlow (born 1911 - died 1937)
Rita Hayworth (born 1918 - died
1987)
Marilyn Monroe (born 1926 - died 1962)

JEAN HARLOW (real name: Harlean Carpenter)

Jean Harlow was the first Blonde Bombshell. In fact, she made a comedy Bombshell, 1933, that was very much like her real life. It portrayed a movie star whose family leeches off of her, and a publicist who constantly betrays her.

In the early years of her career she played a series of cheap sexpots, because that was the way she looked. Even though off screen she was always described as surprisingly sweet and affectionate. But Jean Harlow had a marvelous flair for comedy.

Her movie wardrobe was always tight in the extreme, designed to show off her jutting, bra-less bosom. (She was the first female star of the 20th century to make the bosom the center of attention.) Harlow was considered a "man's woman," salty, brash, and uninhibited, at least on screen. Harlow's hair was dyed white blonde, so she was also the first "platinum blonde," a term coined just for her.

Much of her career as a true star was spent at MGM. Her clothes were meant to show off as much of her figure, particularly her breasts, as possible. Bias cut satins, tight long 30s skirts, low-cut evening gowns, furs, nightgowns...flowing satin and silk is the first thing one associates with Jean Harlow. Most of her movie wardrobe was designed by Adrian, MGM's top designer.

Since the majority of her starring roles were in the early to mid 1930s, the costumes were not as structured as they might be ten years later--and one could get away with showing a LOT more in the early days of her career. (In fact, in many of her early films, the sides and undersides of her bosom and her nipples are clearly visible. Something that would not be tolerated a few short years later.)

Jean Harlow died an untimely death in 1937. When you think Harlow, think flowing, satiny, unconstructed, like lingerie. When you see a seller saying that "Jean Harlow would have worn this" about a 1950s full-skirted high-necked dress, you know they haven't done their research.

RITA HAYWORTH (Margarita Cansino)

She was known as "The Love Goddess," because her beauty seemed at once so down-to-earth and yet unapproachable. In real life painfully shy, her screen presence implied volcanic sexuality beneath a sultry surface. This is the famous "Put The Blame On Mame" dress from Gilda (1946)--the designer Jean Louis used the across-the-body hip sash and bow to tighten up and conceal Rita's recently having given childbirth!

By now the censors did not let female stars show as much of their bodies as a decade before, so designers used other methods to showcase their clients' assets. Rita Hayworth's greatest assets were considered to be her long arms and shoulders, not to mention her beauty and lush hair. So her costumes emphasized those over her slightly thick waist and thin legs.

Hayworth was a favorite of World War Two soldiers, along with Betty Grable. Hayworth did a tremendous number of movies, climbing very slowly up the ladder to stardom. Columbia, her home studio, loaned her out for supporting parts, which gradually made Rita a star. Along the way, her black hair was dyed dark red, and her hairline raised by electrolysis, to make her less "Spanish-looking."

During the war, she specialized in musicals, having been a dancer, born to a family of professional dancers, the Dancing Cansinos. Her singing was dubbed. Technicolor showed her off to great advantage, and she was born to wear the clothes of the pre-New Look war time 40s - tailored suits with padded shoulders, knee-length tight skirts (but not too tight--the silhouette was an inverted vee).

The preferred style during World War Two was practical. Since fabric was rationed, suits tended to look slightly like soldiers' uniforms, and dresses were simple. But, we're talking about the movies here, not real life--so Rita also wore lavish evening gowns with elaborate beading that clung close to the body, or boned-bodice evening gowns that flared out at the skirt with layer upon layer of chiffon.

The latter gowns were designed for dancing. Rita's strongly-boned face showcased the large picture hats and the upswept hairstyles of the time perfectly.

Her stardom faded after the war, and a series of unhappy marriages, including one to "Citizen Kane's" Orson Welles. Rita Hayworth had never wanted to be a "movie star" in the conventional sense. But she still did excellent dramatic work in films such as Separate Tables (1958). However, she suffered from Alzheimer's disease and eventually died in 1987.

MARILYN MONROE (real name: Norma Jean Mortensen)

Unlike our first two stars, everyone on this planet (and probably others) knows Marilyn Monroe. She is a legend, an icon, a goddess. But take a look at this very young bride during World War Two:

This was before she became a professional model, when she was still a young housewife, married at sixteen. She wore the typical styles of the 40s, and it was a number of years before she became the blonde Sex Goddess we revere today. First there was a modeling career, which in turn led to dozens of bit and small parts, usually as a "dumb blonde," in undistinguished movies. She herself was not particularly distinguishable, to be honest, but she changed her name to Marilyn Monroe and worked as hard as humanly possible to become a movie star. There were occasional roles that showed a glint of something more, but they were few and far between. Even at the beginning of her career she displayed the emotional difficulties that would plague her later life.

She achieved stardom in a series of films for 20th Century Fox Studios in the early 1950s: How To Marry A Millionaire, River Of No Return, There's No Business Like Show Business, and others. Along with an excellent singing voice (never adequately appreciated), like Harlow, she also had a flair for comedy. William Travilla was the costume designer for most of her Fox films.

She did not quite wear the typical styles of the 1950s...for instance, she HATED full skirts, and only wore one in a Cary Grant film where she had to put her leg up on a chair. Everything had to be skin-tight. The interior construction of her costumes are a wonder to behold. The dress in which she sang "Happy Birthday, Mr. President" to President Kennedy is a marvel of interior design, everything held and pushed in place. (The same designer, again Jean Louis, was famous for designing Marlene Dietrich's "nude" gowns for her nightclub act, which were actually gowns made over a flesh-colored corset, sewn into the dress!)

So if you're looking for Marilyn-style clothes, think: 1950s, everything tight, cinched waists, halter dresses, spaghetti strap dresses with slim skirts, skin-tight capri pants worn with flats (Monroe had a passion for Ferragamos), sleeveless blouses tied at the waist, cardigan twinsets...in other words, unsubtle.

She remained a star until her death in 1962, and has become more of a legend with each passing decade.

I hope that you have learned something useful. More guides will be coming up for more movie star icons!

Ciao,
Elisa

copyright Elisa DeCarlo - use of this material is forbidden without written permission

Vintage Lane Bryant Advertising...EEK!

2011-07-19T14:57:00.002-04:00

DAHLINGS -

Your faithful correspondent was, as usual, deeply annoyed when clicking through plus-sized mainstream clothing sites. Almost all of the models are size 0, making the clothes look like badly pinned tents. However, it could be worse...

I wonder if they still sell "Husky Boy" clothes. Can any of the men out there enlighten me?

Ciao,
Elisa

When It Comes To Men, 'Twas Ever Thus...

2011-07-17T21:00:00.004-04:00

DAHLINGS -

When Viagra was first introduced to the market, many were staggered at how many men came out of the closet to reveal they had "erectile dysfunction" (meaning that the pink oboe would not play). However, through the years there have been other searches for a cure...

Can, with a few modifications, be used as a pepper-grinder, tipped upside down to make frosty blended drinks, or as a car jack.

Ciao,

Elisa

Have Some Mae West

2011-07-15T22:27:00.005-04:00

DAHLINGS -

I have occasionally wished that a blog could be as long as a tweet, but then it would be on twitter. (Would that be called a twog?) In any event, for your enjoyment, here is the legendary large lovely Mae West, singing "I Wonder Where My Easy Rider's Gone" in her first starring role, "She Done Him Wrong", 1933.

Enjoy!

Ciao,
Elisa

Daily Venus Diva/FTF One Day Deal!

2011-07-12T16:35:00.003-04:00

DAHLINGS -

Thursday July 14, 2011 at 9:00 a.m.through Friday July 15, 2011 at 9:00 a.m., Daily Venus Diva (DVD) and Fashion To Figure (FTF) will be partnering to offer a “daily deal” to readers and plus-size women everywhere on www.DailyVenusDiva.com.

The deal, only available for 24 hours, will allow consumers and all lovers of fashion to purchase a $20 certificate for only $10. Once purchased,consumers will be able to redeem these certificates at FTF either online or in stores,

“Fashion To Figure offers a huge selection of trendy, in-vogue clothesthat any woman would love to be seen in,” said Diva Deal Finder Janie Mackenzie-Cohen. “In a market where it’s difficult to find that sexylittle black dress that fits and flatters, FTF has filled a void providingvery reasonably priced clothes in styles plus-size women just can’t find anywhere else.”Fashion To Figure offers trendy plus-size clothing in sizes 12 – 26 and includes both casual and dress wear. In stores, FTF provides personal stylists to make the shopping experience that much easier. “Stylists ar efull-fashion experts and at your service always. A personal FashionStylist for your time at FTF can make all the difference. Stylists know you and our fashions very well. They can help put together outfits, give advice on what works and what doesn't work, and guide you on how all our many choices fit.”

What: 24 hour "Daily Deal" for half-price $20 certificates
When: Thursday July 14, 2011 at 9:00 a.m., through Friday July 15,2011 at 9:00 a.m. Where: www.DailyVenusDiva.com

www.DailyVenusDiva.com is an online fashion magazine that caters to we larger lovelies. Please do have a look!

Ciao,
Elisa

There Are Times When NYC Is NOT The Place To Be!

2011-07-12T14:14:00.006-04:00

DAHLINGS -

And today is one of them! I sit here in my air conditioned Art Deco office, dictating my blog thing to Leo, who has been having MOST insolently of late--

GET THAT EXPRESSION OFF OF YOUR FACE, OR I'LL TURN OFF THE AC IN YOUR ROOM AGAIN!

As I was saying. My beautiful (featured in Architectural Digest) oceanfront mansion in the Hamptons is being RENOVATED. To be precise, it WAS being renovated. IT IS STILL BEING RENOVATED! The contractor is three months behind schedule! All of those bribes for nothing. I'd ask for my money back if I hadn't given to him illegally. Certaines personnes ne vivent pas à leur part d'un marché.

The consequences of this are that, aside from the occasional jaunt out of town or out of the country, your faithful correspondent is trapped--TRAPPED, I tell you!--for the summer in New York.

There's a reason the ballad is not called "August in New York." Damn.

Ciao,
Elisa

Today's Life Lesson

2011-07-11T19:05:00.004-04:00

DAHLINGS -

NEVER leave your puppy alone in your salon, with the closet doors open. Now I have $50,000 worth of Fortuny confetti.

If I'm to post everyday, it is impossible to consistently offer "high-level content." My deepest apologies.

Ciao,
Elisa

P.S. No, I don't have the option to remove those stupid "funny" "interesting" tags.

P.P.S. I have no idea why the Adsense ads have nothing to do with my content. YOU try dealing with Google some time.

It's Late And I'm Cranky

2011-07-10T00:13:00.002-04:00

DAHLINGS -

Although we were spared the corrosive heat of earlier this week, it hardly seems to matter when one returns from a brief stroll down the beach in the Hamptons covered with mosquito bites. I detest the smell of "bug spray" as the peasants call it. Earlier this year I had resolved not to wear any unless they could at least mix it with a decent perfume, such as Escada. The object being to attract the opposite sex while repelling winged species. Unfortunately "bug spray" serves the purpose of smelling unpleasant and being sticky.

Someone out there needs to developed a nicely fragranced sunscreen with an insect repellant included. If you do, remember that I gave you the idea.

Ciao,

Elisa

Is Karl Lagerfeld An Art Form?

2011-07-08T13:17:00.003-04:00

DAHLINGS -

This latest PR release found its way into my inbox, and it asks a burning question:

"Is being Karl Lagerfeld not an art in itself?"

Oh, dear, someone in the copywriting department got carried away again. And the portrait is disturbing. I wonder where I've seen that look before...

Ah, yes, that was before he lost all of that weight. If you need information on the app, I'm sure another more conscientious blogger will supply it for you.

Ciao,

Elisa

New Daily Format, Dahlings!

2011-07-07T13:46:00.003-04:00

DAHLINGS -

After much agonizing, I made an Important Decision. Instead of waiting between posts, I shall post a diary entry every day. Do not fret. Here will still be articles, polemic, rants, fashion, all written in my inimitable style. However, I have decided that life's petty pace should be documented.

I am writing this at my fabulous oceanfront mansion (featured in Architectural Digest). Outside the window is blowing, seagulls are flying, the ocean is...well, oceaning or whatever it does. My phone is turned off, and I am about to plow through a mountain of press releases inviting me to various unexciting events. However, it is so nice to be wanted.

Ciao,
Elisa

A Small Meditation on Grief

2011-06-28T18:38:00.002-04:00

DAHLINGS -

Yesterday would have been the ninth anniversary of the day that Bucky the Wonderdog came into my life. He died mid-January, and I have been dreading June 27 for weeks. As I anticipated, I spent much of the day in tears, which Fletcher the puppy was hard-put to understand.

There have been a great many losses this year. As you know, I do not divulge personal details about myself. Unless it is about my sex life or my great beauty.

Grief has taken its toll on me, and on this blog. I have failed my readers by failing to provide content, letting slip my part in the zeitgeist. In part it is because I cannot care about the usual matters that obsess moi. Rien enlève le chagrin. Interests and people will snatch one away for a short period, but then that’s over and it’s mourning in America. (Or at least New York.)

On Twitter I can be as carefree as I want, in 140 characters. An entire entry does not have to be composed. I don’t seem to be able to do that right now. There are many topics I wish to write about. The New York Senate bill legalizing gay marriage filled me with joy, as did attending the Gay Pride Parade. I wanted to snatch off half of the drag queens’ outfits. There is no such thing as too much sparkle.

Leo has been no help. He has this damn cat he lost in childhood and if I so much as mention Bucky he bursts into tears and isn’t good for anything the rest of the day.

I could say the same for myself. Here in front of my monitor, I sit, crushed, uninspired, sad.
But, as Scarlett O’Hara said, “tomorrow is another day.” Or rather, Margaret Mitchell did, but let’s not confuse the young ones.

Ciao,
Elisa sans Bucky the Wonderdog

Rare Designer Books On Sale at One Kings Lane

2011-06-03T18:21:00.005-04:00

DAHLINGS -

There are so many books on fashion out there. Many of them are disposable "How To Wear Party Clothes" or "Dress For Nothing: Dumpster Diving Divas". However, there are chances to buy true one-of-a-kind classics. Case in point:

Top New York antiques dealer David Duncan is launching a sale of more than 250 exquisite books from his private collection on One Kings Lane (http://www.onekingslane.com/), the upscale online sales site, which will run from Saturday, June 4 to Tuesday, June 7. The sale will include many rare fashion titles -- all at discounted prices.

Among the titles being offered are:

"Christian Lacroix: Pêle-Mêle" By Christian Lacroix in collaboration with Patrick Mauriès, 1992. First edition: in French. Signed by Lacroix to the late Harper's Bazaar editor Liz Tilberis. Excellent condition. Hardcover and with dust jacket. Original price $300.00. Sale price $215.00.

"Valentino" By Trent' Anni Di Magia, 1990. First edition, in Italian. Signed by Valentino to the late Harper's Bazaar editor Liz Tilberis. Very good condition. Hardcover and with dust jacket. Original price $250.00. Sale price $175.00.

"The Sixties: A Decade in Vogue" By Nicholas Drake, 1988. Excellent condition. Original price $133.00. Sale price $95.00

"Azzedine Alaïa" published by Steidl. Limited Edition, 1998. Excellent condition. Hardcover and with dust jacket. With specially designed hard slip case. Original price $2,300.00, sale price $1,600.00.

"The Rudi Gernreich Book" By Peggy Moffitt and William Claxton, 1991. Second edition, published by TASCHEN, 1999. Hardcover and with dust jacket.
Original price $200.00, sale price $139.00
"Poiret" by Yvonne Deslandres with Dorothee Lalanne, 1986. Excellent condition. First edition, hardcover and with dust jacket.
Original price $580.00, sale price $435.00

And, darling readers, I do know you'll snap these up! I have my eye on 'Valentino'.

Ciao,
Elisa

"Moving On" Commentary with "David Shore" & "Greg Yaitanes'

2011-05-28T14:12:00.013-04:00

DAHLINGS -

With all of the tumult going on qua my last entry, I thought we could all do with some fun.
The Season Seven DVDs are shortly to be coming out. One of the much-awaited extras is the finale, "Moving On," with commentary by David Shore and Greg Yaitanes.

I must emphasize that I DID NOT WRITE THIS. It was written by my dear friend Nancy, and published with her permission. Again, I DID NOT WRITE THIS. So give Nancy the compliments, not moi. But I think it's tres amusant.

Title: "MOVING ON"; A DVD Extra Commentary fanfiction
Disclaimer: This is a fictional piece featuring a fictional executive producer David Shore and a fictional director Greg Yaitanes. Any resemblance to anyone real, or that we are familiar with, is completely coincidental. Much like House in the last episode.

Note: Italics show scene descriptions or spoken lines from the finale, "Moving On".

"MOVING ON"; A DVD Extra Commentary

House makes his way back to the car after seeing Cuddy having a nice time with a strange man, her sister and her sister's husband. He fingers the hairbrush as he climbs in.
Wilson: What just happened?
House; Get out.
Wilson: What just happened?
House: Get out.
Wilson: House, what are you mad about? Just let it out. You'll feel better.
Wilson gets out of the car.

David Shore (DS): That damn Wilson character annoys me with his constant caring and concern.
Greg Yaitanes (GY): Yeah well, can't have a tough brooding anti-hero without a goofy sidekick. Besides, Leonard fills up screen time.
DS: Who?
GY: Never mind.
DS: I think he should have kept Wilson in the car.
GY: But then he would have risked killing him.
DS: No one is going to get hurt. Just because it is a 1972 Dodge with no airbags doesn't mean anyone is at risk.

House drives down the street and begins to turn the car around

DS: Whatever happened to House's Corvette?
GY: Volger made him give it away.
DS: But House never listened to Volger.
GY: Want me to bring it back in Season 8? He could have it on the island.
DS: How will we explain it's sudden reappearance?
GY: We have to explain things?

House begins to pick up speed

GY: Awesome!! We're coming to my favorite part. He's gonna do it!!
DS: Of course he's going to do it. He's under contract.
GY: Too bad Lisa didn't renew.
DS: Who?
GY: You know, the chick with boobs.
DS: The model?
GY: Nah, the older one. The one in the house.
DS: Whatever, that was a Katie Jacobs' thing, not my vision. We don't really need any women on this show. Well, maybe one, but that always could be a hooker. Our female fans always enjoy women presented as nothing more than sexual fantasies.
GY: Or one night stands for Chase and Taub,
DS: I know, cool, huh?

House spins the car to the left onto the driveway and then the lawn, going at top speed. Wilson jumps out of the way.

DS: Now watch as our speeding hero instantly figures out the trajectory of the car, the layout of the house to be certain there are no support beams he might hit, positions the car to crash in a way that hurts neither himself nor anyone in the house and...assures that the car won't explode.
GY: And he does this all while high on a month's supply of Vicodin, consumed with rage, and while speeding as fast as he can go!
DS: That's why we call him a genius!
GY: How does he know that Rachel isn't in the house? Or one of Julie's little kids?
DS: Who's Julie?
GY: Cuddy's sister.
DS: I thought she was named Lucinda.
GY: I thought so too but the fans wrote to us to tell us no.
DS: We still have fans? I thought we got rid of those this season?
GY: I'm working on it, I'm working on it. These things take time, you know.
DS: Don't be so sensitive, Greg. Anyway, I don't know about any kids of Lucinda, er, Julie, but Rachel is at Arlene's house.
GY: Yeah, but how did House know that?
DS: Cuddy mentioned it in one of the sneak peaks. That's how he knew.
GY: House watches his own sneak peaks?
DS: Shut up and watch the crash.

Crash! Right into the dining room. The table is destroyed, a light falls from the ceiling. Car door opens with a concerted push.

GY: Kaboom!!!!!
DS: And look, he's not even wearing a seat belt. And yet he doesn't have so much as a scratch.
GY: Not to mention he checked himself out of the ICU that morning.
DS. I know. Is he is a cool super hero or what? Er, I mean anti hero.
GY: I guess you were right, House knew exactly what he was doing. No one was hurt.
DS: Exactly. House isn't a killer you know. He is just a boyfriend that is a bit upset. He needed to make Cuddy understand how he feels.
GY: Yeah, it is not like he could have talked to her like she wanted him to.
DS: Of course not, he is all about action, not words.
GY: Right. He had to show her that it isn't acceptable for her to carry on with her life and the life of her child when House is out there having to find comfort in the arms of multiple hookers and a green-card wife.
DS: Exactly my point.

House climbs around the car, and over glass and debris, to hand back Cuddy's hairbrush.

DS: See, he is willing to do whatever it takes to return Cuddy's hairbrush. He is a man of principle! There is a code he lives by, even if society doesn't always approve.
GY: Yeah, he is great guy. Especially the way he risks getting all cut up again after having done self surgery just last week. I wish I could be like him.
DS: Feel free to live vicariously through House. I do.
GY: Is the hairbrush symbolic of something?
DS: Nah, I was hoping that House could spank Cuddy with it when he returned it, but the actress wouldn't agree. She said she had enough of acting out my, er, I mean House's, sexual fantasies.
GY: I am sure our female fans will be bummed.

House hands the brush to Cuddy. Oddly, not one of the four people in the house attack him. He walks out and over to a goldfish faced Wilson.
House to Wilson: You were right, I feel much better.

DS: See, this was my vision all along.
GY: That House was a murderer?
DS; Possibly. But what I meant was that House is meant to be a lone hero, fighting for his liberation.
GY: Right. Liberation from Wilson and Cuddy - the ones who have been holding him back.
DS: What have they ever really done for him?
GY: Besides hire him when no one else would, protect his job from the board, give him a department of his own, be his friend, confidant, and conscience, take him to monster truck rallies, allow him to screw with their personal lives and ruin every other relationship they ever managed to have, allow him to try to prevent one of them from becoming a parent, lying for him to the police, lying for him on the stand under oath, allow him to live with them, help him to get into a mental health facility, hire him back even without a license and hold his job for him, care about him, worry about him and love him despite all his problems?
DS: Exactly my point, they did nothing for him.

House limps off down the street, all the way to either Hawaii, the Gulf Coast of lower Florida, Puerto Rico, Mexico or Southern California. Or possibly just the airport. Most likely though he heads into a black hole that transports him somewhere where it is still daytime despite the flight time and the movement of the sun.

DS: Well, finally House is free.
GY: No job, no home, no money, no friends and no family. Now that's freedom for you!
DS: God I love this show.
GY: Me too. We are the bomb. Kaboom!

Thank you, Nancy! And I do hope the rest of you enjoyed this as much as I did, yo.

Ciao,
Elisa

Did The House Season 7 Finale Endorse Domestic Violence?

2011-05-24T16:29:00.006-04:00

DAHLINGS -

Last night’s season finale of “House MD,” titled, “Moving On,” outraged me so that I feel compelled to write in my blog-thing.

Over seven seasons, Dr. Gregory House has done a lot of reckless, illegal and ethically questionable acts. But one thing he has never been is a domestic abuser and potential murderer. Until now.

The season finale, “Moving On,” besides being shabbily written—one could say that about most of the episodes—twisted the once brilliant, misanthropic genius into a brutal, abusive maniac. There is no kinder word for his behavior.

And his creator, David Shore, is defending that behavior.

House has certainly been verbally offensive over the years, acting out all of our fantasies of telling the people we hate to f-k off. However, incidents of physical violence have been few and far between. He punched Chase because House was detoxing from withdrawal. He had a fistfight with Alvie, his roommate, in “Broken,” the Season Six premiere. House provoked a patient’s father into punching him, giving him an excuse to push his cane against the man’s neck and thereby diagnose both the man and his dying son. Each act was considered extreme, to say the least, but NOTHING compared to the hideousness of last night.

A bit of background: House and Cuddy have had one of the most joyless romances in the history of television this season. When they finally broke up fans gave a universal sigh of relief. Most of the season played like an imitation of the once-brilliant “House, MD”. Shameless recycling of plots, patients of the week that one could not care less about, Masters, a spud-gun competition…the list goes on. However, the cast soldiered forth, trying to bring a spark of life to the ordure they were asked to shovel week after week.

But last night’s episode was simply unacceptable. Cuddy repeatedly asks House to tell her how he feels, that they need to have a conversation about their break-up. This might not be the smartest thing to do, and he refuses to talk to her.

Finally they sit down in the cafeteria, and when she tries to get him to open up, he walks out. She follows him, demanding he talk to her. He turns and pushes her violently against the wall, yelling, “You want to know how I FEEL?”

Bear in mind that House is approximately 6’3” and Lisa Cuddy is a slender 5’4”. She looks frightened, and rightfully so, but calms him enough to admit that he’s hurting. Like any abused wife, Cuddy forgives him.

Somehow isn’t this a tad reminiscent of a man beating his wife and then telling her, “Honey, I’m so sorry I did that, I love you so much”?

“Don’t worry, darling, it’s all my fault.”

Cuddy assures him she’s not dating anyone—why is it any of his business?

Then, in one of those turnarounds that only happen on television, she is set up with another man by her sister. House, in the meantime, is doing his best to numb his feelings with copious amounts of Vicodin. He remembers that Cuddy wants her hairbrush back. With his faithful sidekick Wilson, he drives to Cuddy’s house. He walks to the doorway. Only to see through the window that she is enjoying wine and cheese with her sister and two men, one of whom her sister set Cuddy up with.

Barging in and yelling would have been bad enough. Throwing things would have been bad enough. Threatening her life would have been bad enough.

But not enough for David Shore.

House gets into his car, pushes Wilson out of it, speeds away, and then a light bulb goes off in his head. With a squeal of tires, he turns and drives straight into her house, destroying much of it.

Creator David Shore said in an interview with Michael Ausiello early today:

DS: I’ve always thought House was capable of killing people close to him. [Laughs] That’s not to say he was ever going to do it, and I don’t think he would. And even in that moment, I don’t think he wanted to kill anybody. But who knows? Probably part of his mind did. It was a lashing out — a very extreme lashing out. I don’t think it was a murderous lashing out.

TVLINE But he could not have known that the dining room had cleared out.

DS: He saw them stepping out, didn’t he?

TVLINE I think they were mostly still around the table.

DS: They were standing up and she put his hand on [the new boyfriend's] arm, which was part of the whole thing that set him off. The car was aimed at the house, not at the individuals inside.

Source: http://www.tvline.com/2011/05/house-finale-post-mortem-season-7-spoilers/

If that isn’t the most cowardly, disingenuous explanation of House’s horrific behavior, I don’t know what is.

Cuddy’s three-year-old daughter Rachel might have been in there. He wouldn’t have seen her from the car. He could have killed or injured all four of them. House could have hit a retaining wall and brought a sizeable section of the house down onto the occupants. Cuddy and her guests could have been hurt by flying debris. The list goes on.

When an incident such as this happens in real life, it makes headlines on the local news. Do a web search for “vehicular manslaughter.”

Afterwards, House announces to his best friend, Wilson, that he feels much better, and is next seen sipping an umbrella drink on a tropical beach. David Shore has assured everyone that these events are not a hallucination, but real.

ETA: In the wake of universally bad reviews for this episode, the phrases "would-be assassin" and "attempted vehicular manslaughter" have come up repeatedly.

In another interview, this time with ew.com, Shore was asked:

I have to start off by asking, did House want to run over Cuddy and Co.?

DAVID SHORE: No. I think he was aiming at the house — not at the people. Obviously, he was taking a huge risk, but I don’t think he was trying to kill anyone off, but I think he was risking killing some people.

But this is David Shore’s world. It is a shame that such a brilliant mind would stoop to showing actions that will give defense lawyers ammunition for years to come. “Your honor, my client was aiming the frying pan at her collar, not her head.”

SHAME, for revealing just how misogynistic you are.
SHAME, for destroying a fascinating character by making him into a one-dimensional puppet.
SHAME, for reducing Cuddy to alternately a tear-stricken doormat or the Demanding Girlfriend from Hell.

And most of all:
SHAME, for implying that violence and destructive behavior are acceptable acts.

If you think I’m overreacting, your faithful correspondence doesn’t care.

Any more than David Shore does.

Ciao,
Elisa

Guest Blogger: House's Leg Speaks Out!

2011-05-18T10:37:00.004-04:00

DAHLINGS -

As you know, every now and again I let a guest blogger take the burden of writing this blog-thing out of my perfectly manicured hands. And as I am not remotely interested in writing anything about Pippa Middleton, it seemed the right time. I take no responsibilty for my guest's language.

Ciao, Elisa

**************************************************

HOW FUCKING COOL WAS LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE?

AND THE WEEK BEFORE THAT?

No, we’re not talking about the story, the angst, the script, whatever.

I GOT MAJOR MAJOR SCREEN TIME! OH, YEAH, BABY, THE LEG RULES! WOO-HOO!

Front and fucking CENTER, man, they showed my huge scar, showed that House ISN’T IN FUCKING PSYCHOSOMATIC PAIN—EAT TURDS, “CONVERSION DISORDER” FUCKTARDS! IT’S PAIN! SHOOTING, SCORCHING, PAIN! YOU CAN EAT MY ASS--wait, I don't have an ass, the ass lives above me--YOU CAN EAT MY KNEE!

For almost two seasons I’ve had to pretend the pain barely existed, that it wasn’t so bad. Do you have ANY IDEA what that is like? Huh? I wanted to BOOGIE when House started downing the Vicodin again But I couldn’t because I’m only one leg and he’d fall over and there’d be hell to pay.

As I once said:
IF YOU HAVE A HUGE PIECE OF MUSCLE AND BLOOD VESSELS AND FAT REMOVED, WOULDN’T YOU FEEL IT JUST A TAD?

Gotta admit, I was begging for a stunt leg during the episode where he’s working me out with the rubber band or whatever the fuck that thing was. Damn, I deserve an EMMY for those scenes! You don’t have to be a Method Actor, all you need is a GINORMOUS CHUNK CUT OUT OF YOUR THIGH!

The other leg bitched about how I was getting all of the good scenes, and I was like, “Look, jerk-off, they see you all the time. Let the limb have his moment, yo!” (Shit. Have to stop hanging around Greg Yaitanes.)

But if I had to endure screaming hideous pain BECAUSE I HAD A HUGE PIECE OF—oh, crap, there I go again, but I’m still pissed about it—it was worth it for these two episodes! Free at last, free at last, God almighty I’m free at last! Yeah, that fucking scar of mine is MAD HORRIFYING, isn’t it? BECAUSE THOSE ASSHOLES TOOK A HUGE—did I already say that?

Anyway, there was NO WAY they were going to cut me off, I was going to go kicking and screaming (well, not screaming, technically, because I don’t have a mouth) if they pulled that shit.

To squelch any rumors, I am signed for Season 8. With no fucking pay cut. Shit, I should get hazard pay just for walking around, because of the HUGE...oops.

I admit, those were some special effects when he was taking the tumors out of me. I have my limits. But I was too preoccupied with basking in the glow of STARDOM to care! Two whole episodes revolved around ME!

House’s leg! ME!

At the end of the day, it’s all about the work.

No, it isn't. It's about the close-ups. Suck me, Charlie Sheen.

How Planned Parenthood Saved Me

2011-05-11T12:07:00.008-04:00

DAHLINGS -

I do not dwell in the past, but the battles over the reproductive rights of women compell me to reveal a few pertinent facts. Planned Parenthood was the only resource when I was a young woman--a young, upper-middle class woman with a good education and family background--that helped women of every class and nationality, in confidence.

Today Planned Parenthood is so often presented (not always transparently) as a program that is targeted at minorities and encourages promiscuity.

THAT IS SO IDIOTIC THAT IT DEFIES BELIEF!

Ahem.

It is not a matter of pro-life/pro-choice, it is a matter of WOMAN CONTROLLING THEIR REPRODUCTIVE DESTINIES RATHER THAN THEIR REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEMS CONTROLLING THEM.

What, in God's name, is so hard to understand about that? Oh, pardonnez moi, 95% of the politicians voting to cut funding are male. It's not going to have an impact on their day to day lives. ONLY ALL OF THE WOMEN IN THEIR CONSTITUENCY!!!

As the Reverend Debra Haffner writes: "Access to maternal health care, contraception and family planning services can and should be available to all women, regardless of nationality, geography, economic status or other factors. "
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rev-debra-haffner/celebrate-mothers-locally_b_858048.html

I am not used to being outraged, dear readers, but this is simply too much to bear.

My story, in brief. When I was a young woman, I was extremely attractive to the opposite sex. (Thank goodness some things never change.) As my dear darling Mama had taught me, I was religious about birth control. I never, ever had unprotected sex.

At 21, I missed several periods. I was panicked. I couldn't tell anyone. I was afraid to tell my ob/gyn. Partly because I was 21 and things like this were not supposed to happen to me. Pregnancy happened to careless, low-class women. Never to me.

The only option was to go to the Planned Parenthood clinic in New York City, although I lived just outside the city at the time. I was examined, and the doctor told me the most beautiful words in the world:

"You;re not pregnant."

The burden fell off my shoulders, and I resumed my life, both practical and romantic. Again, I was religious about birth control. Perhaps my taste in partners was occasionally lacking, but not my protection of myself.

It happened again. This time with all of the symptoms that went along with being enciente. I was still young, unmarried, with absolutely no desire for children. What could have gone wrong? I was so careful!

Again, I sought out Planned Parenthood. Again, it was a false alarm.

Faithful readers, if an abortion had been called for either time, I would have had one in a heartbeat.

I was far too young, far too inexperienced, with no interest in having a child. I would have been a terrible mother. Je ne regrette rien.

It happened once again, in the weeks before my marriage. We knew we couldn't afford to have a baby. My fiance was in school. Abortion was our only option. We were devastated, but it would have been the only feasible choice. Again, Planned Parenthood. Again, a false alarm.

Years later I researched a novel (yes, your faithful correspondent has some skeletons in her past, including some unpublished novels) about a young woman whose father is an abortionist, circa 1916. The lack of women's choices in those days, both in love and in work, fascinated me. (Also I adored the clothes, a major component in writing an historical novel. At least for moi.)

For research, I went to the Planned Parenthood main office and archives. These were in the days before the loonies started destroying the material--although it had just started. Over the weeks I read dozens of articles, personal stories, medical journals, etc.

All described the horror of life before accessible birth control. Back alley abortions, suicide, women chained in unhappy marriages, women literally unable to STOP having children whether they wanted to or not. Millions of unwanted children raised by miserable or cold, uncaring mothers. Fathers trapped in jobs because they had so many mouths to feed.

"Down With The Abortion Clause"
Kathe Kollwitz,1924

THERE WAS NO CHOICE. AT ALL. UNLESS YOU WANTED TO RISK DEATH.

Or join a convent, but that seems a tad extreme, don't you think?

Some members of the government dream of going back to that happy time.

???

There is more to say upon the topic, but I shall save it for another entry. Dear readers, do not let the government slash Planned Parenthood funding. They help prevent more unwanted children coming into the world and women without the money or too frightened to get the help they need.
Ciao,

Elisa & Fletcher

P.S. I still use birth control religiously. And recommend that my readers do the same. Planned Parenthood is an excellent resource.

Meet Fletcher

2011-05-07T22:51:00.005-04:00

DAHLINGS -

Mes lecteurs chérie, meet Fletcher, the newest occupant of my fabulous Central Park West apartment. He is a miniature pinscher puppy, with impeccable bredding and a tendency to lick himself when important guests are around. The world is his toilet.

Fletcher is going to be a sizeable small dog, as evidenced by his large front paws. He uses them like paddles, particular when the maid gives him access to my boudior in the morning. I wake to the sensation of paws slapping my face in greeting. Not quite what I would wish for, but he is so adorable that I forgive him.

The loss of Bucky still gnaws at my heart, and when Fletcher came into my home a month ago, I wondered if I could bond with this flailing black and tan puppy. Fortunately, his personality and appearance is quite different from my late darling's. If one had to choose a descriptive word for Fletcher's personality, the word "goofy" comes to mind. I find myself succumbing to his charm.

Il faut être prudent éviter de marcher dans des tas de merde de chien. As cleaning up his messes is the maid's job, I care not where Fletcher relieves himself. As long as it is not one of the rooms that I myself use. The kitchen, pantry, and the servants' quarters are all fair game. I've heard the maid muttering in Spanish as she walks past me, carrying paper towels and something called 'Nature's Miracle'.

Fletcher is not an aggressive dog. Not to worry, I'll have a trainer up here to teach him to bite people without warning in no time.

Ciao,

Elisa

Ellen Christine Walks Down The Aisle!

2011-04-17T19:50:00.004-04:00

DAHLINGS - The following press release came over the transom. As Ellen Christine is one of my favorite hatmakers, I felt it my duty to let you all know!

Ellen Christine on The AISLE

Ellen Christine joins the ranks of fashion favorites on The Aisle. The trend-making designer leads the millinery field with landmark editorials in Vogue, W Magazine, Elegant Bride, Martha Stewart Weddings. Currently seen on David Tutera's "My Fair Wedding", Ellen Christine concocts headpieces for couture runway shows, and private collections for well-known retail venues around the world.

The collaboration with The Aisle stems from her reputation in the world of fashion. David Yassky , co-founder and co-president of The Aisle knows Ellen Christine from his time at WWD. This is to be an accessible collection, using the familiar elements so recognizable in Ellen Christine Millinery. Artful draping, precious handmade flowers, and fanciful featherwork lend an old Hollywood feel to this group. Inspired by contemporary bridal wear, but rooted in the glamour of red carpet close-ups, this collection will add to the look and the feel of brides around the world. For the thousands of eager members of The Aisle, the sale begins on April 19th. Coming just before Easter, and the imminent Royal Wedding, these headpieces will lend the perfect note to the hat mad, in this season of hat frenzy. Ellen Christine has never before offered headpieces in the wholesale Wedding market, and The Aisle is the perfect venue . There are eight custom designed pieces, offered nowhere else. And there's only one week to shop! Available at Henri Bendel's, The Met Opera Shop, or by appointment only at the showroom, Ellen Christine makes beautiful, glamorous fashion for every need. Whether it be The Kentucky Derby, the Veuve Clicquot Polo Classic, or your very own special day, Ellen Christine has been making hats and headpieces for more than 30 years in New York, for a worldwide market.Friend us on Facebook(Ellen Christine Millinery), and follow us on Twitter(@ellenchristine) for up to the minute hat news. # # # Ciao, Elisa

The Music of The Night, Sort Of

2011-04-08T17:36:00.003-04:00

DAHLINGS - As I crawl out of the pit and start to actually form opinions again, I realize I must generate CONTENT as soon as possible. While I am cogitating, enjoy this beautiful melody that is sure to stay with you! And I do mean stay with you. Here's hoping that you are all having a delightful Spring. Or at least a bearable one. Ciao, Elisa

Hitler Finds Out That House And Cuddy Broke Up

2011-03-11T17:10:00.003-05:00

DAHLINGS

I'm only starting to crawl out of my cave, forgive me. Every time I look around my luxurious Art Deco office, I remember Bucky having accidents there. As I stroll around its rooms, I remember Bucky biting people (most infamously, Andre Leon Talley).

But most of all, I recall the loving companionship he provided at all times and so much more. It has been impossible to be as...well...superficial as this blog-thing requires. Entirely too many Deep Thoughts have been running through my head.

So, I apologize for this being the first entry after my "hiatus," but it made me laugh more than anything else has in a while.

Ciao,
Elisa...

Bucky The Wonderdog, In Remembrance

2011-02-21T15:12:00.003-05:00

Bucky in his leather phase

Bucky unwillingly modeling his new raincoat

Bucky watching me pack

Bucky demanding love, as always.

Ellen Christine's Collection Fete'd At The Met Opera

2011-02-10T17:12:00.013-05:00

At the Tommy Hilfiger show

With Project Runway's Christopher Straub backstage at the Christian Siriano show

DAHLINGS -

As many of my faithful readers know, it is simply not New York Fashion Week without Ellen Christine's sensational hats, a number of which I have been privileged to wear.

So it is a great delight to announce:

THE MET OPERA SHOP PRESENTS THE ‘DIVA COLLECTION’
DESIGNED BY ELLEN CHRISTINE MILLINERY

Exclusive Preview and Moët & Chandon Champagne Reception on Valentine’s Day

Recent buzz around Ellen Christine’s hand-crafted headpieces has landed her on the cover of Italian Vogue (January 2011) and she is bringing her latest Met-Inspired collection for an exclusive preview and champagne reception to the heart of Mercedes Benz Fashion Week Fall 2011 – the Met Opera Shop in Lincoln Center – on St. Valentine’s Day, Monday, February 14 from 4 to 6 p.m.

Visitors will sip Moët & Chandon Rosé Impérial Champagne and shop these brilliant collections of cocktail hats veiled in silk, custom-dyed feathers, organza streamers, felt and Swarovski crystals, specifically inspired by the Met’s productions of Carmen and Armida. The Carmen collection stems from Ellen Christine's Spanish heritage, and from the drama that happens onstage because of "La fleur que tu m'avais jetee." Red, for the heartbeat of the production, and black, mimicking the final gown onstage with Carmen and Don Jose, are the two atelier-made flower and feather headpieces.

From the Armida collection, Christine introduces a flurry of pinks and reds, for the splendor of the enchantress, on a bandeau: simple, elegant, and evocative. Other pieces in the collection are inspired by the many prima donnas who have graced the Met stage,

DATE: Monday, February 14, 2011

TIME: 4 – 6 pm

PLACE: The Met Opera Shop at the Metropolitan Opera
Lincoln Center, 65th and Broadway

Ciao,
Elisa sans Bucky The Wonderdog

Sponsors of NY Fashion Week

2011-02-01T18:06:00.003-05:00

DAHLINGS -

I had to put up something, so here's the latest press release from the good folks at Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week.

New York, NY (February 1, 2011) - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week is proud to introduce some highlights from this season’s official sponsors. Each of these sponsors will be providing hospitality, services and amenities to make this exciting week of shows as enjoyable and pleasant as possible for all attendees. Detailed below is featured sponsor news for the Fall 2011 Collections.

Mercedes-Benz
Hervé Léger by Max Azria receives the distinguished title of “Mercedes-Benz Presents” designer for the Fall 2011 season. As part of the Presents program, Mercedes-Benz is integrating designs by Hervé Léger by Max Azria into a display themed “Bound by Seduction,” which will feature the newly redesigned 2012 Mercedes-Benz CLS 63 AMG, as a way to accentuate the vehicle’s shape and alluring characteristics. The installation can be viewed by all attendees entering the lobby tent of Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week.

The Mercedes-Benz Fashion Force is going on patrol in the new 2012 CLS 63 AMG to spot “stylesetters” with fresh, creative design looks and alluring appeal. Celebrity stylist Brad Goreski and a team of Fashion Enforcers are on duty for five days during Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week carrying out its mission. Each "stylesetter" chosen is awarded a ride to their next destination and a lucky few will receive an invitation to the culmination event in the Mercedes-Benz Star Lounge.

This season’s Mercedes-Benz Star Lounge is getting its new look from the design team behind the newly launched DVF Home Collection. The Star Lounge, which caters to designers, celebrities, and Mercedes-Benz owners, is featuring a mix of DVF home furnishing and accessories to create a luxurious and chic experience during Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week at Lincoln Center.

Lights, camera, action. The 2012 Mercedes-Benz SLK is making its U.S. debut during Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week. The roadster is positioned within an interactive photobooth installation in the lobby tent. Those bold enough to show off their style can be part of ongoing photo shoots each day with a chance to be featured in "THE FIX" section of The Daily throughout the week.
DHL

The Perfect Fit for Fashion, DHL is returning to the runways in New York for the ninth straight season as the official logistics sponsor of Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week.
DHL’s capabilities targeting the fashion sector, including fashion week events worldwide, offers full customized, integrated logistics solutions, supply chain management services and door-to-door deliveries.
DHL’s global expertise, service excellence and international focus, which spans more than 220 countries and territories worldwide, helps customers in the fashion and apparel industry operate more efficiently and effectively.
This season, be sure to stop by the DHL lounge in the lobby of Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week for the opportunity to win a trip to Miami to attend Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Swim in July 2011.

American Express®
American Express is proud to return for an eighth season to Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week, connecting Cardmembers with the fashion industry through unparalleled access and memorable experiences. Once again providing an unprecedented vantage point of the runways at Lincoln Center, the exclusive American Express Skybox serves as a sleek, chic hideaway to elevated fashion experiences. Between shows, stylish Cardmembers will mingle with a who’s who in the industry, while gaining expert tips and insights from some of fashion’s leading voices.
For the first time ever, The American Express Skybox Report will connect fashion lovers everywhere with access to all of this season’s best Skybox moments through an innovative and engaging multimedia experience. Debuting on February 10 at www.amexskyboxreport.com, the Skybox Report will include features such as video clips of designers, stylists and other notables; interviews with fashionable celebrities; slideshows of some of the best Skybox looks; a glimpse behind the scenes at some of the hottest boutiques across the country and much more. Plus, the report will feature daily Twitter contests to receive unprecedented access to the Skybox to experience a variety of the week’s best offerings- join the conversation now by following @americanexpress on Twitter and using hashtag #amexfashion.
This season, American Express is proud to present The CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund Cardmembers Show on February 10 at 8 PM in the Theatre. Bringing together the winning and finalist designers of the CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund over the past seven years, the show will feature over 60 looks from designers including Alexander Wang, Marchesa, Prabal Gurung, Joseph Altuzarra, Derek Lam, Peter Som and Libertine that will be current in store looks. Proceeds from the event will go on top of American Express’s annual $250,000 donation to the CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund (CVFF), a program of the Council of Fashion Designers of America (CFDA).
To create a more seamless atmosphere for guests of Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week, this season’s Guest Services Desk with Concierge provided by American Express will provide up-to-the-minute fashion information and a variety of concierge-type offerings. In addition, guests will be able to stay cozy and chic this season with the introduction of a Coat Check destination within the Lobby that will add ease to the coming-and-going from Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week.

Maybelline New York
As the number one makeup brand worldwide available in 129 countries, Maybelline New York continues to be the proud official makeup sponsor of Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week in New York City.
Maybelline New York, the undisputed color authority, will bring their vast beauty expertise and inspired creativity to the world’s most respected fashion platform.
Maybelline New York’s Global Makeup Artist, Charlotte Willer, will lead the makeup teams of their sponsored designers’ shows, creating exciting looks translatable from the catwalk to the sidewalk.
Maybelline New York will partner with a selection of well established as well as up-and-coming designers including BCBGMAXAZRIA, Betsey Johnson, DKNY, Cynthia Rowley, Catherine Malandrino, Vivienne Tam, Custo Barcelona, Carlos Miele, Max Azria and L.A.M.B.
During two exclusive special appearances at the Maybelline front of house Lounge at the Lincoln Center Tents, come meet and greet with:o Maybelline spokesmodel and music artist Kemp Muhl on Sunday, February 13th from 6pm to 6:30pm.o Maybelline spokesmodel and trendsetter Erin Wasson on Monday, February 14th from 1pm to 1:30pm.
For Erin and Kemp’s special appearances, the first five visitors will receive signed copies of Maybelline’s exclusive 2011 limited edition calendar printed in only 1,250 numbered copies. All the other visitors can get limited edition postcards signed.
To discover Maybelline New York’s makeup looks for fashion week and find out about the latest and greatest spots in NYC, log on to www.maybellinelovesfashion.com starting February 10th.
To get the insider’s scoop on everything Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week, follow the Maybelline insider on Twitter at www.twitter.com/MNYInsider.

TRESemmé
TRESemmé, the #1 styling brand in the U.S., is the official hair care sponsor of Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week.
The latest launch for TRESemmé, the new Climate Control Collection, is the stylists' backstage secret to help keep hair looking salon-beautiful regardless of the weather.
TRESemmé will be giving fans worldwide a sneak peek at all the action at Lincoln Center, including behind-the-scenes photos and videos, celebrity sightings and hair how-tos, via the brand's Facebook, Twitter and YouTube pages.
Check out TRESemme.com, Facebook.com/TRESemme, YouTube.com/TRESemme and @TRESemme on Twitter, for exclusive access to the trends straight from the runways of Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week.

Starbucks Frappuccino® Coffee Drink
Starbucks® Frappuccino® coffee drink is proud to return as a the official coffee sponsor of Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week, ensuring that all attendees enjoy their coffee fashionably.
This February in our Starbucks Frappuccino® Coffee Drink Café, we’re celebrating how high quality ingredients blend together to create delicious results by featuring the essential ingredients in our Mocha Starbucks Frappuccino® Coffee Drink - the finest arabica coffee beans, lowfat milk and mocha. Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week attendees are invited to stop by for a creamy, delicious break during the day and hand-crafted cocktails in the evening.
Attendees can also chat with our Starbucks Frappuccino® Style Correspondent, Amanda Garrigus, to express their love for the best looks of the season, share how they create the look that’s just right for their style, and be featured on www.frappuccino.com after February 10th. You've seen our Frappuccino® Style Correspondent, Amanda Garrigus, as a regular Fashion Correspondent for the E! Network, appearing on various programs, including “E! News” and “Countdown to the Red Carpet.” She has also appeared on a myriad of national talk shows with past editorial and stylist work for the likes of Flare Magazine, Entertainment Weekly, as well as Vogue, Glamour and Allure Magazines.
Starbucks Frappuccino® will extend the fashion experience beyond the runways to fashion fans across the country. At frappuccino.com, visitors will get a behind-the-scenes peek at Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week with photos, videos, exclusive events and start conversations with like-minded fashion fanatics. Plus, express their style and create and share their unique look with Polyvore.

W Hotels Worldwide
W Hotels Worldwide is back for another season of its innovative, industry first initiative called Fashion Next, a program that fosters and supports emerging designers during and beyond.
This season, W Hotels has chosen five designers to be a part of Fashion Next – Frank Tell, MANDY COON, Mara Hoffman, Michael Angel and Tess Giberson.
W Hotels will take over the The Box venue during Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week at Lincoln Center to host the official presentations of these exciting young designers, each of which was handpicked by W Hotels’ Global Fashion Director, Amanda Ross.
In addition to partnering with W Hotels during Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week, Fashion Next designers will have opportunities to travel to W Hotels globally for exclusive trunk shows, design limited-edition pieces for the next W Hotels Global Glam fashion and accessories collection, and collaborate with W on other fashion projects throughout the season.
W Hotels remains the first and only hotel brand to showcase its own collection at Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week. On February 10, W Hotels will formally present its Fall 2011 Global Glam collection at Mercedes Benz Fashion Week at Lincoln Center.
Curated by Amanda Ross, this season’s collection is inspired by the unique design personalities of W Taipei, W London – Leicester Square and W Mexico City. The designers include Fashion Next designer Mara Hoffman, Clare Vivier, Eugenia Kim, Twinkle by Wenlan, Deepa Gurnani, Paola Hernandez, Noir, I-Luck, Sibilia, Yarnz, Shaesby, Contego Eyewear, Myne, Catherine Nicole, and Posse.
W Hotels’ Global Music Director, Michaelangelo L’Acqua, will create a soundtrack inspired by the collection, while Charlotte Voisey, the celebrated mixologist of W New York - Downtown, will create signature cocktails inspired by each destination.
Following the presentation, W Hotels will hold a VIP after party with a special live performance.
W Hotels is an innovative, contemporary, design-led lifestyle brand and the hotel category buster with 38 hotels and retreats in the most vibrant cities and exotic destinations around the world.

AOL Inc.
As part of its sponsorship of Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week, AOL will return as host of the AOL Media Lounge. A full-service working media space in the center of the action, the AOL Media Lounge will provide a unique environment for press attendees covering Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week. Once again, phone chargers, printers, and hard Internet lines will be available to members of the media, as well as an enclosed interview booth.
AOL’s StyleList.com editors will be covering Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week in a number of exciting ways, including: o Runway Reviews of the hottest fashion showso Backstage beauty reports of the next beauty trends as they come off the runwayo Video interviews with celebrities at AOL's Media Loungeo Coverage of Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week by modern-day beauty icon Essie Weingarten, founder of Essie nail polisho A mobile makeover bus, which will give New Yorkers and New York City visitors runway-inspired beauty, translated for every-day wear

Diet Pepsi
Diet Pepsi is debuting a sleek new look as an official sponsor of Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week.
In partnership with acclaimed fashion designers Charlotte Ronson and Betsey Johnson, Diet Pepsi is front and center in the fashion space with the introduction of the new skinny can to celebrate the sexy, confident icon of women.
Diet Pepsi invites Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week goers to refresh at the Diet Pepsi Booth in the Grand Lobby February 12-February 15.
Beyond the tents, Diet Pepsi Skinny Can and Simon Doonan, fashion commentator, will unveil the Diet Pepsi Style Studio, a creative pop-up window and public art installation, during the week's activities Located at 362 West Broadway-check the Diet Pepsi Facebook Page, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Diet-Pepsi/110128929013753, for timing details.
Looking taller and sassier than ever before, the new Diet Pepsi Skinny Can offers the same great taste, with zero sugar, calories and carbs.

Kim Crawford Wines
Kim Crawford returns as the official wine sponsor of Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week hosting a striking wine bar in the main lobby celebrating the individual in all of us.
A brand built by forging its own path, Kim Crawford has gained critical acclaim around the globe for its expressive style. Guests of Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week are invited to taste Kim Crawford’s award-winning Sauvignon Blanc and Pinot Noir wines from Marlborough, New Zealand.
New this season, the Kim Crawford Wine Bar will host a series of exclusive events throughout the week with special designer appearances and previews.
Raise a glass with us and toast to a week of style with Kim Crawford Wine at Mercedes–Benz Fashion week. To learn more about Kim Crawford, follow @kimcrawfordwine on Twitter, become a fan of Kim Crawford on Facebook and visit www.experiencekimcrawford.com.

ideeli
ideeli (www.ideeli.com), the fastest-growing members-only online shopping site in the U.S, is the first and only flash sale website to be brought on as an official sponsor of Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week.
ideeli will bring the excitement of Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week to its nearly 4 million members by providing incredible "front row" access to the shows at Lincoln Center through: o A week long Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week online “shop in shop” featuring curated daily sales from designers including Nicole Miller, Betsey Johnson, Adam, Adrienne Vittadini and more. o Editorial coverage straight from Lincoln Center and the runways, along with the return of “My First Fashion Week," ideeli's editorial series that will again spotlight one first-time Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week guest correspondent. o Live runway updates on Twitter and special Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week features on Facebook, including giveaways and polls.o To join ideeli, visit www.ideeli.com/mbfw.

The Heart Truth® Campaign
On Wednesday, February 9, The Heart Truth’s Red Dress Collection Fashion Show will return to Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week to unveil its newest collection of red dresses designed to celebrate the Red Dress as the national symbol for women and heart disease awareness. More than 20 of today’s hottest celebrities will walk the runway in dresses created by America’s top designers to inspire women to take action to protect their heart health. For more information about The Heart Truth, visit www.hearttruth.gov.
Throughout the month of February, a selection of designer dresses worn by celebrities in The Heart Truth’s Red Dress Collection Fashion Shows will be auctioned off through a partnership with Clothes Off Our Back. Proceeds will benefit the Foundation for the National Institutes of Health on behalf of The Heart Truth in support of women's heart health education and research. To learn more or bid on a dress, visit www.clothesoffourback.org.

FIJI Water
FIJI Water is proud to be the official bottled water of Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week. As some of the most revered designers send their creations down the runway this season, FIJI Water has teamed up with Christian Siriano for the ultimate front row experience. On Thursday, February 10th at 7:00 p.m., the beauty and drama of Siriano’s fall collection will be streaming live on http://www.fijiwater.com. Immediately following the show, Siriano and FIJI Water will be giving away an exclusive look from the collection to one lucky winner.
As the week gets into full swing, FIJI Water will be hosting a special appearance by famed performance artists, “The Bumbys” on Friday, February 11th from 7:00 – 10:00 p.m. Stop by their table in the lobby to receive a “Fair and Honest Appraisal of Your Appearance.” A little bit snarky and a lot sweet, Jill and Gil Bumby will be the real fashion critics this season in the tents at Lincoln Center.
FIJI Water loves keeping fashion’s finest hydrated, please make sure to drop empty bottles in the bright blue recycle bins strategically placed throughout Lincoln Center. After all, Recycling is the new black.

The New York Times
The New York Times will display a 42” inch touch-screen kiosk in the Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week lobby that will be a photo-driven history of Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week as seen through the lens of The New York Times. This co-branded experience celebrates Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week in New York by looking back at some of the most stunning runway, behind-the-scenes and never-before-published images captured by Times photographers throughout the last few years. This artfully curated retrospective will be a vibrant look at the fascinating world of Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week—from the frenzy of preparing for the shows to the striking collections of great Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week designers. The installation will be onsite throughout the duration of the show.
The New York Times is celebrating New York Fashion Week with a wide array of editorial and digital offerings designed to bring readers into all elements of the shows. The Fashion section online (http://www.nytimes.com/fashion) serves as a launching point for readers to find all that The Times is offering.

Bucky The Wonderdog, Rest In Peace

2011-01-18T12:35:00.004-05:00

DAHLINGS -

I shall keep this short. Bucky the Wonderdog, after having a series of health problems, including chronic bronchitis and an enlarged heart, died of heart failure early Monday morning, January 16th. He could no longer breathe, and so my beloved dog was euthanized in my arms.

You shall not be hearing from me for a while. I am beyond devastated. He was my closest companion for over eight years, and died too young at the age of nine.

Rest in peace, my beloved.

Ciao,
Elisa sans Bucky the Wonderdog

Vice President Biden's Message to LGBT Youth

2011-01-16T11:47:00.003-05:00

DAHLINGS -

Before I plunge into the madness that is Awards Season and Mercedes Benz Fashion Week, I was sent a link to this video by Vice President Biden that touched me deeply.

YES, YOU CLOT, I AM CAPABLE OF BEING DEEPLY TOUCHED! SHUT UP AND KEEP TYPING! AND GET THAT SMIRK OFF YOUR FACE, LEO!*

Ahem.

As I was saying, this is a message for LGBT youth that touched me deeply, so I simply had to put it up on my blog-thing.

Remember to be kind to others, as long as they're not my staff.

* Yes, I hired Leo back, but only because I've been going through assistants like a hot knife through creme fraiche.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Anti-Social Media: Cross-Platforming of Annoyance

2011-01-06T17:53:00.011-05:00

DAHLINGS –

Warning: what follows is personal, trivial and may not be interesting. But this is my blog-thing and I write what I choose. You want deep intellectual discussion, read Malcolm Gladwell.

Among the things that social media has changed forever (besides the continual invasion of privacy and being exposed to your acquaintances’ favorite brand of waffles) is the separation of church and state. Bad metaphor, désolé.

Your faithful correspondent knows that every word one puts on the Internet is there FOREVER. But in olden times, one could deceive oneself with the idea that one’s emails, etc. were private. That if one was on a chatboard, any disagreements would stay on the chatboard, non?

I shall address my own experience, as a person who is on Twitter, Facebook, Live Journal, and several discussion boards. And most important, my blog-thing. Now, not only can I receive comments on here calling me a “chienne persistante,” it can resonate through any variety of social media “platforms.” It creates, in effect, anti-social media.

Be patient with me about this, mes lecteurs merveilleux, and I will try to make it all make sense. There are discussion boards about one of my main obsessions, which shall remain nameless.

The main discussion board has been in existence for some time. Many of the members have been there since dinosaurs roamed the earth. Many are intelligent, articulate, and well-read. But there is a slight catch: not only do they feel they OWN the topic, they have strong opinions. Opinions that are not to be trifled with. Opinions that are NOT to be disagreed with, unless you want to bring down the wrath of dozens of crazies obsédants. Which this writer seems to have a unique talent for doing.

Now, why bother us with this, you ask? Because many of these same people are on Live Journal, under different IDs. So one risks offending them in an entirely new arena without knowing who they are.

One person who particularly detests your epistler dévoué left some lovely comments on this blog. Later, she maintained she would NEVER have left those comments had she known it was moi.

But it is on Twitter where the whole kerfuffle becomes most distateful.

Let’s see if I can lay this out properly: quite a few people from the discussion boards, Live Journal, whatever, are on Twitter. All of these environments come together in what can become a giant…oh, dear, I simply cannot bring myself to use the correct vulgarity. Let’s say many people having sex at the same time; draw your own conclusions.

It is ludicrously easy to find out other people’s opinions of one, because NOTHING is private on Twitter. It is one thing to be insulted to one’s virtual face; it is quite another to be talked about behind one’s virtual back. Where one can READ it. I will not quote any of the various insults. Because not only are they out of context, they are ridiculously petty. The malefactors know who they are.

Another problem with Twitter "cross-platforming" with all of these other applications is that people can rap you on the virtual knuckles when they feel your tweets are, um, inappropriate. I will NEVER apologize for being inappropriate! Unfollow me, please.

I will not apologize for being “obnoxious,” I will not apologize for “acting like something is wrong” with moi, and I REFUSE to apologize for my opinions to people whose opinions I simply do not respect. I have done that already, and it has been to no avail. (If you knew how rarely I apologize, you would know why this is so irritating. If I’m going to betray myself, the least I can expect back is less hostility.)

If you have something to say to me, please say it in the comments. If you have had a similar experience, please say it in the comments. (Try not to use the phrases “fuck-tard” or “you’re a fat moron.” Those have been a tad overused.)

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Roseanne Shows How To Age Gracefully

2011-01-05T17:33:00.007-05:00

DAHLINGS -

First of all, HAPPY NEW YEAR! Apologies, but I was too drunk to post anything at the time.

But the hangover has ebbed, and I thought I would post about something that caught my eye.

Many stars fight the aging process with a tenacity usually shown only by male grizzly bears fighting for a mate. (And it's sometimes just as ugly.) The 59-year-old Roseanne is certainly no stranger to plastic surgery. In fact, she's had almost as many procedures as the Bride of Wildenstein, but at least Roseanne knew when to stop.

Recently seen in public and looking quite stylish, Roseanne has traded in her dyed brown hair:

for a more feminine, soft mane of silver.

It is ever so much more becoming. She looks rather like Fern Mallis. And notice that her skin is not pulled as tight as a drum. It looks like Roseanne can actually move her face. Try THAT, Cameron Diaz!

If only more stars would let themselves age just a tad, those of us over 30 wouldn't feel quite so bombarded by Olay ads.

Age is not a state of mind any more. It has become something to be avoided at all costs.

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

I Needed To Post SOMETHING Before the New Year!

2010-12-29T18:08:00.002-05:00

DAHLINGS -

I am utterly ashamed of myself, but the holidays have proven happily overwhelming, so I have not paid the attention I should to this blog-thing. To make it up to all of my faithful readers, I herewith give you The Agonizing Death Of An Insect:

If only Bucky the Wonderdog knew how to do that...or perhaps operate a video camera...

Ciao,
Elisa and Bucky the Wonderdog

Merry, Merry Christmas, Dahlings!

2010-12-25T15:26:00.002-05:00

The Obligatory Twitter Post (Special Guest Star: Jesus)

2010-12-10T12:10:00.007-05:00

DAHLINGS -

In today's faster-than-fast world, emails have been replaced by Facebook messages have been replaced by Twitter. In which you have 140 characters to say your piece. Not 140 words, 140 characters.

There is actually a fine art to writing on Twitter, at least if it's something more interesting than "I made the most yummy beef stew!" One must craft even the most mundane of statements. Since my writing tends toward the, shall we say, ornate, this has been an onerous task. But challenges are my chocolate covered cherries! (In actuality, I despise chocolate covered cherries, but 'eclairs' doesn't have the same zip.)

So, in the spirit of what every else is doing these days, here is a selection of my tweets over the past two days!

********************************
Until they make tampons out of pure spun silk, menses and elegance do not mix.

So, Lindsay Lohan is fired from playing a porn star but is considered a good bet for "DWTS"? I'm not sure which job has less class.

The news that nude photos of Christina Aguilera have been leaked...am I somehow supposed to care? Aren't there enough of them already?

Wondering if I should do a #FF list of people who can't stand me? You know who you are, but you're not following me so you won't see it.

****************************************

(The following are the tale of my evening with Jesus, when my chef took the day off and I was forced to fend for myself. )

Good night, lovely Twitter-followers.At least the maid will make me coffee & bring me a croissant tomorrow morning.Pray for me. #chefsdayoff

With my chef taking the day off (the swine), I managed coffee, a croissant and peach preserves brought by the maid. #chefsdayoff

#chefsdayoff For lunch, delivery from Blue Hill. (Yes, if you pay enough) Chicken with Tuscan kale and homemade pasta. Tonight...?

#chefsdayoff BAD start to the evening. Jesus showed up, wanting a cheese sandwich. I told him to make us both BLTs if he wanted them

So Jesus has a hissy fit because he doesn't want a BLT, he wants grilled cheese made with Swiss cheese and I don't have any...

I tell Jesus to go to the store if he wants Swiss cheese so much, he says, "I don't have any POCKETS, you heathen!" Le sigh...

After sulking, he agreed to make grilled cheddar and tomato sandwiches. Jesus is a pretty decent diner-style cook. Unexpected.

The sandwiches were quite good. But Jesus had gotten into the cooking wine (he is NEVER getting the key to the wine cellar)...

So he's getting drunk on cooking sherry and starts arguing w me abt. my atheism. Jesus keeps yelling at God for a miracle,...

...but does God perform one? No, unless you consider Jesus chugging an entire bottle of cooking sherry w/o gagging a miracle.

Fortunately I had coffee ice cream in the freezer (Jesus LOVES coffee ice cream). Gave him a big dish and he gave me a...

...big goofy smile. There's something about Jesus drunk, especially when he's got the crown of thorns on--I must get a picture.

In any event, he's already dozing on the divan, and it's not even 8pm. At least if he expects breakfast my chef will be back!

Don't worry, I have never slept with Jesus, nor do I intend to.He's far too promiscuous. All those "Jesus loves me" songs, n'cest pas?

Good morning, lovely Twitter-followers! As predicted, Jesus was hungover & cranky this morning. Serves him right, chugging cooking sherry.

#AnnoyingJesus Thank God my chef is back, who served him coddled eggs and a Bloody Mary. Jesus has left my building. Thank goodness.

And there you have a selection of my tweets. Feel free to follow me on Twitter! I promise, Jesus rarely shows up. I really should contact my dear dead friend Lana Turner. It's been far too long.

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

On Today's I Don't Care List...Duracell!

2010-12-09T17:50:00.004-05:00

DAHLINGS -

I was sent the photograph below by the lovely people at Duracell batteries, who had some "green" event called Pedaling the Power today. Among the illustrious participants (titles designated by them, not moi):

Carson Kressley, (Fashionista) Robert Verdi, (Fashionista) Tinsley Mortimer, (Fashionista) Charlotte Ronson (Designer) Joey Wolffer (Stylist/ The StyleLiner), Jussara Lee (Designer) Mazdack Rassi (Milk Studios), Jean Pigozzi (Owner, LimoLand store), Eric Goldstein (Owner, The Jean Shop) Charles Nolan (Designer)

The press release had a tremendous amount of blah blah blah about how wonderful Duracell is, how "green" the company is. You know the drill. Why this is supposed to be interesting is beyond me, but here it is. It will be one any number of blogs who will consider it "news."

Now that I've done my job, I deserve a cocktail.

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

MOVIE SET POP-UP SHOP W/ DESIGNER ITEMS

2010-12-08T09:43:00.004-05:00

DAHLINGS -

Despite what I wrote yesterday, some events are simply TOO MARVELOUS not to be promoted!!

What:
MOVIE SET POP-UP SHOP
100s and 100s of items from Movie Set Wardrobe Departments

Who:
Chanel
Christian Louboutin
Cynthia Rowley
Diane von Furstenburg
Jimmy Choo
Marc by Marc Jacobs
Michael Kors
Miu Miu
Prada
Ralph Lauren
Valentino
Yves Saint Laurent
And many, many more
- All items in New or Like-New Condition
- 50% - 70% off retail
- $50 and up

Cash and All Major Credit Cards Accepted

When:
December 9th and 10th
9:00AM to 7:00PM
December 11th
9:00 AM to 5:00 PM

Where:
60 Vestry Street (at Washington)
Ground Floor
=

See you there, my dears!!!

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Of Blogging, Kathy Griffin, and Bristol Palin

2010-12-07T22:06:00.007-05:00

DAHLINGS -

Occasionally I am distressed by my inability to write about the events of my fabulous life in timely fashion. The mad whirl I live in would leave a woman of stronger stuff exhausted--but then, there are no women made of stronger stuff.

However, I do suffer from that deadliest of diseases (besides cancer and oral herpes, of course): PROCRASTINATION.

How often do I tap an exquisitely manicured fingernail on my cheek, thinking, "My, that would make an excellent entry" or "Dear God in Heaven, that person deserves to be written about and PUNISHED!" or "That's pretty".

Then the doorbell rings and another celebrity comes for a style consult; or the maid forgets to put the cream in my coffee; or a package arrives with my bespoke kidskin black boots, hand-sewn by the finest child labor, and all thoughts go scattering away.

That, and my assistants are imbeciles. Sometimes I wonder if I should stop hiring assistants who cry easily. They keep making mistakes. But the cringing is so enjoyable.

Life would be easier if I did giveaways, partnerships, and PR. That would generate "content", which makes me think of air-popped popcorn. Maybe I should have a daily product plug, or a round-up of links, or my entrys could be a collection of my Twitter tweets.

Even that seems like too much work. Ever have one of those days when you don't feel like sharing your fabulosity? Or you've forgotten you've locked your assistant in the bathroom to punish her for crying on a Fortuny gowns? Those aren't Perma-pleats, damn it!

In closing, let me say that ordinarily I would say something critical about Kathy Griffin making fat jokes about Bristol Palin. But...but...she's BRISTOL PALIN.

Your faithful correspondent has to draw the line somewhere.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Beauty From The Past: Real Women, Real Stars

2010-12-04T11:25:00.011-05:00

DAHLINGS -

I hope you had a delicious Thanksgiving!

A dear friend sent me a link to this. It is possibly one of the EARLIEST uses of color film extant. Shot in 1922, this is a test of Kodachrome film by Kodak.

It lets you see the natural beauty of the women, how they wore their clothes and hair, how they moved their bodies. If some of it seems self-conscious, that is natural, since they being told what to do and how to move by a person behind the camera. The blonde at the end is the 1920s star Mae Murray who had an extremely popular look among women: the bobbed hair and "bee-stung" lips (lips painted into small cupids bows).

Here is some information supplied by a faithful reader:

"In these newly preserved tests, made in 1922 at the Paragon Studios in Fort Lee, New Jersey, actress Mae Murray appears almost translucent, her flesh a pale white that is reminiscent of perfectly sculpted marble, enhanced with touches of color to her lips, eyes, and hair. She is joined by actress Hope Hampton modeling costumes from The Light in the Dark (1922), which contained the first commercial use of Two-Color Kodachrome in a feature film. Ziegfeld Follies actress Mary Eaton and an unidentified woman and child also appear."

The clothes are what the stylish young lady wore in 1922. Vintage lovers, take note! Watch and enjoy!

Along the same lines is this promotional film, also starring young actresses of the time.

And finally, from 1913 we have the reigning beauty of the 1890s, LILLIAN RUSSELL! She was past her prime, but ten years before she had been the reigning beauty of the day. Her voluptuous proportions were the ideal of the 1890s, later revived by Mae West.

Another benefit of watching old films is that you can see what earlier definitions of "beautiful bodies" were. For instance, look at Clark Gable shirtless, or the chorus girls in any Busby Berkeley musical. Speaking of the latter, a male escort and I were viewing "Golddiggers of 1933." When the camera zoomed in for a close-up of the legendary Ginger Rogers, he exclaimed, "she has brown teeth!" No, she had natural teeth. Something that has not existed in Hollywood for many years.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, DAHLINGS!

2010-11-25T11:32:00.005-05:00

DAHLINGS -

I am writing from an undisclosed location in the Mediterranean, attending Thanksgiving with a number of fabulous and not-so-fabulous people. For which I am truly grateful, particularly because I am far better dressed than almost any of them.

While the various dishes (turkey, braised eel, loin of wildebeest, roasted boar--the boar was flown in and sacrificed during the cocktail hour--most entertaining) are being prepared, your faithful correspondent thought she would share a few celebrity tidbits. After all, most celebrities are sitting in high-end restaurants, while their publicists send out releases claiming "they are enjoying Thanksgiving with family and friends." As Lindsay Lohan call tell you, most celebrities have neither family nor friends.

Tidbit #1

Shakira Caine, Michael's wife, snorts when she laughs.

Tidbit #2

If you stand on a chair and look straight down at Elton John's head, his scalp is a most peculiar shade.

Tidbit #3

Real Housewives should not be invited to parties where hard liquor, or even food, is served. One well-known Housewife ate a hearty breakfast, then promptly threw it up in a lavishly tiled bathroom. Gold fixtures don't make it any less disgusting, particularly when you are the next person to use the facilities.

Tidbit #4

Ben Affleck is a flasher. But oh, what a flash.

Tidbit #5

Colin Farrell uses Just For Men. (Yes, I admit, I look in the bedroom wastebaskets. It's part of my job.)

Tidbit #6

Gwyneth Paltrow's favorite pre-bedtime ritual is a large glass of straight Jack Daniels and a single mini-eclair.

That's all for now. It's 7 pm here and I hear a martini calling my name.

Have a very happy Thanksgiving, my darling readers and Twitter-followers, and remember I love you all. As long as I don't have to touch you.

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Season Seven of "House MD" - If I Were In Charge

2010-11-16T19:26:00.007-05:00

DAHLINGS -

So, here in America, Fox ran the latest episode, "A Pox On Our House." I won't go into the derivative plot lines (think "Euphoria" meets whatever episode the cat's death triggered the epiphany a few seasons ago), cardboard writing, and do not get me started on the new character Mary Sue Masters--oh, excuse me, Martha M. Masters. I might muss my coiffure.

Here's what I would do were I in charge of House:

I would drag David Shore, Katie Jacobs and John C. Kelley to a secluded place, tie them up, and say, "Write your way out of THAT, swines!"

However, first I would force them to release all of the gag reels, blooper reels, outtakes, and that very special footage of House and Wilson making out that was cut from S4 right before Wilson hooked up with Amber.

Also the very special footage of House and Wilson making out after Wilson gives House the organ.

Also the very special footage of House and Wilson making out because...well, just because.

Also the very special footage of House and Cuddy making out when they're in the car in "5 to 9".

Also the very special footage of House and Cuddy making out after the party in "Known Knowns".

Also the naked pictures of HL in his dressing room from the hidden security cameras.

Then I would present Hugh Laurie with a plane ticket back to England, so he can resume making good television.

And then I would tearfully wave good-bye to Robert Sean Leonard as he beats a hasty retreat to NY, yelling, "Free at last! Free at last!" (Actually it would be a joyful hello, since I live in New York City.)

And then I would give Omar Epps his own show. And Lisa Edelstein her own show. They would have to sign contracts not to do anything medical-related, but I still want them to keep working. P-Jac will find work soon enough.

And then I would strip Jesse Spencer naked and make him play Schumann on the violin as foreplay. (It would only have to be the one time.)

And then I'd bring back Cameron...oops. No more show.

Have I left anyone out? 13's already gone. As is Doris Egan.

Now it's your turn. Feel free to use the comments to say what you would do if you in charge of House this season. But remember, I am always right.

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky The Wonderdog

Jennifer Hudson May Be Thin, But...

2010-11-12T14:30:00.005-05:00

DAHLINGS -

I have avoided the topic of Jennifer Hudson as a spokesperson for Weight Watchers. Although I believe that we shall have Kirstie Alley 2.0 on our hands in a few years. (After all, didn't sports commentator Mike Golic shed pounds on Nutrisystem, gain it all back and is now shilling for another weight loss gambit? Twas ever thus.)

However, this photo of Ms. Hudson at LAX simply cried out for commentary:

Not only because of the madly unflattering combination of leggings and tight purple lace shirt, not only because of the camel toe, but also the fact that Ms. Hudson can be clearly seen wearing SPANX underneath all of that. Good God, woman, why bother losing all of the weight if you still feel obligated to wear constricting undergarments?

Your faithful correspondent is not recommending constricting undergarments, although she has been known to wear waist cinchers when in vintage dresses. But truly, what is the point of being held up as an example of slenderness if you still have to wear Spanx? Or feel that you have to wear Spanx? Isn't the point of the exercise to not wear Spanx?

Just an idle, slightly outraged thought, dahlings. Feel free to have your say in the comments section.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

House MD: When Google Translate Attacks!

2010-11-09T22:44:00.007-05:00

DAHLINGS-

You simply cannot make this stuff up. I have no idea why the site HouseSeason7.com was created, but it is hilarious. Here is part of an entry describing the show:

Refuge is a pick conduct to umteen in the humanity. It’s administrator producers Paul Attanasio, Katie Dr., King Come and Pol Instrumentalist who brought forth this new take-on to mysteries placing an blasphemous and disputable Physician Shelter against a examination malady. So that’s Dr. Doctor Asylum, an univocal ruiner, relentless change to his patients.

A stable corporeal symptom troubles Dr. Concern and seems to hold brought over him a savagely honorable behavior, made salient advance with a beat by his opinion. Lonely by attending and a unconventional by courage, Domiciliate is a story of his freakish thinking paired with flawless instincts. A doc to contagious diseases, Dr. Houses’ impressive diagnosing capabilities are challenged by scrutiny puzzles that he moldiness settle and forestall a few lives.

Are you an booster of the television direct ‘Business’? If you are, you faculty be knowing that the water attribute throws out jeering ripostes with gay wantonness.

Now that "House" has officially leapt over the large predatory fish, this was a welcome respite. It made me laugh. With gay wantoness, no less. Perhaps they should change the title to "Domiciliate,MD".

In the meantime, this photo was released, and all I could think of was that Hugh Laurie looks like a cast member from "The Walking Dead." At least one of them was enjoying themselves.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Holiday Trunk Show Hosted By The Three Tomatoes!

2010-11-04T16:12:00.004-04:00

DAHLINGS -

From a humble online newsletter, The Three Tomatoes have built a small empire catering to "women who aren't kids." They are having a special event, which I urge you to attend. TTT manages to make all of their soirees tremendous fun!

Nov. 10 Holiday Trunk Show Event Honors New York City Designers

The Three Tomatoes will host a Holiday Trunk Show Event on Nov. 10, 2010
from 6 to 9 PM, at the Downtown Association, 60 Pine Street, NYC, honoring
New York City designers and artisans.

Among the designers who will be showcased are:
women's clothing designer, Gabrielle Carlson www.gabriellecarlson.com
jewelry designer Justin Guinta www.subversivejewelry.com
NYC handbag designer Elaine Arsenault www.elainearsenault.com
And hat designer Rod Keenan www.rodkeenannewyork.com

2010 Emmy Award Winning makeup Artist Vanessa Elese, will be demonstrating Alison Raffaele Cosmetics www.alisonraffaele.com.

The event will also support two non-profits, Unleashed www.unleashedny.org which saves dogs and empowers girls and Eco Africa www.ecoafricasocialventures.org, a non-profit that will sell items at the event, made by women artisans in Zimbabwe.

The Three Tomatoes www.thethreetomatoes.com is a NYC insider's lifestyle guide and
e-newsletter for "women who aren't kids."

Tickets are $35 in advance and include wine, cheeses, chocolate and salmon
tastings and more. Goody bags (value over $200) are guaranteed for the first
100 people who purchase tickets.

For more info and to purchase tickets to the event visit:
www.thethreetomatoes.com/fashionevent.html

Hurry over, dahlings! I guarantee you a wonderful time!

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky The Wonderdog

Get Out And VOTE, Dahlings! And Then Have Cake.

2010-11-02T12:34:00.004-04:00

DAHLINGS -

Today I did the unthinkable. I mingled with the huddled masses, the general public, the (ugh) common people. It is the sort of action which I avoid at all costs.

The reason I overcame my loathing? To VOTE, of course!

We cannot allow the maniacs and the Tea Partiers to gain even a significant foothold in our government. Just because they scream the loudest does not mean they have a right to override the progress of the last few years. As most of my dear readers know, I strive to stay apolitical on my blog-thing, but this is simply too important. It does not matter if you are a Democrat or a Republican, you owe it to the process of participatory democracy. (A dear friend taught me that phrase; it took me half an hour to pronounce it properly.)

So do not sit upon your derrieres and decide that this election is "not worth it" or "already settled" or that it is "too much trouble."

If I can force myself to vote, anyone can. So do your civic duty, put on your smartest outerwear, and get yourself to your nearest polling place. And then reward yourself with the pastry of your choice.

Because what is a democracy without cake?

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Derek Lam Prostitutes Himself For Ebay

2010-10-28T08:57:00.006-04:00

DAHLINGS -

Ebay has been desperately searching for a way to salvage its diminished reputation. From being known as "America's flea market" to "America's junk dump" has taken years of hard work. To earn a reputation as bad as Ebay's is now, requires devotion.

Devotion to letting Chinese sellers rip off Ebay customers with fake designer merchandise. Devotion to shutting down the small sellers that made Ebay so popular when it began. Devotion to progressly stripping sellers of their rights, including the inability to realistically be rated by buyers, unable to leave feedback about bad buyers, unable to respond to unrealistic expectations by buyers. Unless it's Express Mail, no package can be counted on to be reliably delivered within two days of payment.

Devotion to further undermining the smaller sellers by running ads by large companies for similar merchandise on the same pages as the listings. By making the search engine virtually impossible to use. By giving preferential treatment to sellers who list in the thousands rather than the dozens.

Devotion to letting Paypal, its subsidiary, arbitrarily withhold the sellers' money under a series of rules that grow increasing more Byzantine by the year. Which included banning cash and money orders and setting up as competition payment systems that both cost more and were harder to use.

Despite a phony claim to being "just a venue," Ebay treated the sellers, its CUSTOMERS, as if they had no right to be there. Ebay started as a democracy and gradually became a dictatorship, first under the leadership of the vicious Meg Whitman, and later under the unconscionable rule of John Donahoe.

As an Ebay seller from 2002 until 2010, I am in a position to know all too well what I am writing about. A major problem is that no venue has been able to compete for Ebay's visibility in the larger marketplace. For years sellers have hoped that Google would set up a competing site. But that apparently is not in the cards.

And now, major designers are selling their collections on Ebay. This is a foul thing to do. Derek Lam is merely the latest designer to spread his legs for Ebay.

His collection will be "voted on" in the same way that American Idol votes on its contestants. Previous prostitutes for Ebay have been Norma Kamali and Narciso Rodriguez.

http://nymag.com/daily/fashion/2010/10/derek_lam_is_launching_a_colle.html

If you want to bring "affordable fashion" to Americans, sell your collections at Target, which has the honesty to call itself a commercial retailer.

Shame on you, Ebay, for helping to further destroy what was once a viable source of income for so many ordinary Americans. All the while baying that you believe that "people are essentially good."

People, perhaps, but certainly not your management.

Ebay is a disgrace to the values you pretend to promote, and you are a disgrace to America.

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog