Thursday, November 25, 2010

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, DAHLINGS!

DAHLINGS -

I am writing from an undisclosed location in the Mediterranean, attending Thanksgiving with a number of fabulous and not-so-fabulous people. For which I am truly grateful, particularly because I am far better dressed than almost any of them.

While the various dishes (turkey, braised eel, loin of wildebeest, roasted boar--the boar was flown in and sacrificed during the cocktail hour--most entertaining) are being prepared, your faithful correspondent thought she would share a few celebrity tidbits. After all, most celebrities are sitting in high-end restaurants, while their publicists send out releases claiming "they are enjoying Thanksgiving with family and friends." As Lindsay Lohan call tell you, most celebrities have neither family nor friends.

Tidbit #1

Shakira Caine, Michael's wife, snorts when she laughs.

Tidbit #2

If you stand on a chair and look straight down at Elton John's head, his scalp is a most peculiar shade.

Tidbit #3

Real Housewives should not be invited to parties where hard liquor, or even food, is served. One well-known Housewife ate a hearty breakfast, then promptly threw it up in a lavishly tiled bathroom. Gold fixtures don't make it any less disgusting, particularly when you are the next person to use the facilities.

Tidbit #4

Ben Affleck is a flasher. But oh, what a flash.

Tidbit #5

Colin Farrell uses Just For Men. (Yes, I admit, I look in the bedroom wastebaskets. It's part of my job.)

Tidbit #6

Gwyneth Paltrow's favorite pre-bedtime ritual is a large glass of straight Jack Daniels and a single mini-eclair.

That's all for now. It's 7 pm here and I hear a martini calling my name.

Have a very happy Thanksgiving, my darling readers and Twitter-followers, and remember I love you all. As long as I don't have to touch you.

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Season Seven of "House MD" - If I Were In Charge

DAHLINGS -


So, here in America, Fox ran the latest episode, "A Pox On Our House." I won't go into the derivative plot lines (think "Euphoria" meets whatever episode the cat's death triggered the epiphany a few seasons ago), cardboard writing, and do not get me started on the new character Mary Sue Masters--oh, excuse me, Martha M. Masters. I might muss my coiffure.

Here's what I would do were I in charge of House:

I would drag David Shore, Katie Jacobs and John C. Kelley to a secluded place, tie them up, and say, "Write your way out of THAT, swines!"

However, first I would force them to release all of the gag reels, blooper reels, outtakes, and that very special footage of House and Wilson making out that was cut from S4 right before Wilson hooked up with Amber.

Also the very special footage of House and Wilson making out after Wilson gives House the organ.

Also the very special footage of House and Wilson making out because...well, just because.

Also the very special footage of House and Cuddy making out when they're in the car in "5 to 9".

Also the very special footage of House and Cuddy making out after the party in "Known Knowns".

Also the naked pictures of HL in his dressing room from the hidden security cameras.

Then I would present Hugh Laurie with a plane ticket back to England, so he can resume making good television.

And then I would tearfully wave good-bye to Robert Sean Leonard as he beats a hasty retreat to NY, yelling, "Free at last! Free at last!" (Actually it would be a joyful hello, since I live in New York City.)

And then I would give Omar Epps his own show. And Lisa Edelstein her own show. They would have to sign contracts not to do anything medical-related, but I still want them to keep working. P-Jac will find work soon enough.






And then I would strip Jesse Spencer naked and make him play Schumann on the violin as foreplay. (It would only have to be the one time.)

And then I'd bring back Cameron...oops. No more show.

Have I left anyone out? 13's already gone. As is Doris Egan.

Now it's your turn. Feel free to use the comments to say what you would do if you in charge of House this season. But remember, I am always right.

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky The Wonderdog

Friday, November 12, 2010

Jennifer Hudson May Be Thin, But...

DAHLINGS -

I have avoided the topic of Jennifer Hudson as a spokesperson for Weight Watchers. Although I believe that we shall have Kirstie Alley 2.0 on our hands in a few years. (After all, didn't sports commentator Mike Golic shed pounds on Nutrisystem, gain it all back and is now shilling for another weight loss gambit? Twas ever thus.)

However, this photo of Ms. Hudson at LAX simply cried out for commentary:



Not only because of the madly unflattering combination of leggings and tight purple lace shirt, not only because of the camel toe, but also the fact that Ms. Hudson can be clearly seen wearing SPANX underneath all of that. Good God, woman, why bother losing all of the weight if you still feel obligated to wear constricting undergarments?

Your faithful correspondent is not recommending constricting undergarments, although she has been known to wear waist cinchers when in vintage dresses. But truly, what is the point of being held up as an example of slenderness if you still have to wear Spanx? Or feel that you have to wear Spanx? Isn't the point of the exercise to not wear Spanx?

Just an idle, slightly outraged thought, dahlings. Feel free to have your say in the comments section.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

House MD: When Google Translate Attacks!

DAHLINGS-

You simply cannot make this stuff up. I have no idea why the site HouseSeason7.com was created, but it is hilarious. Here is part of an entry describing the show:

Refuge is a pick conduct to umteen in the humanity. It’s administrator producers Paul Attanasio, Katie Dr., King Come and Pol Instrumentalist who brought forth this new take-on to mysteries placing an blasphemous and disputable Physician Shelter against a examination malady. So that’s Dr. Doctor Asylum, an univocal ruiner, relentless change to his patients.

A stable corporeal symptom troubles Dr. Concern and seems to hold brought over him a savagely honorable behavior, made salient advance with a beat by his opinion. Lonely by attending and a unconventional by courage, Domiciliate is a story of his freakish thinking paired with flawless instincts. A doc to contagious diseases, Dr. Houses’ impressive diagnosing capabilities are challenged by scrutiny puzzles that he moldiness settle and forestall a few lives.

Are you an booster of the television direct ‘Business’? If you are, you faculty be knowing that the water attribute throws out jeering ripostes with gay wantonness.



Now that "House" has officially leapt over the large predatory fish, this was a welcome respite. It made me laugh. With gay wantoness, no less. Perhaps they should change the title to "Domiciliate,MD".

In the meantime, this photo was released, and all I could think of was that Hugh Laurie looks like a cast member from "The Walking Dead." At least one of them was enjoying themselves.



Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Thursday, November 04, 2010

Holiday Trunk Show Hosted By The Three Tomatoes!

DAHLINGS -

From a humble online newsletter, The Three Tomatoes have built a small empire catering to "women who aren't kids." They are having a special event, which I urge you to attend. TTT manages to make all of their soirees tremendous fun!

Nov. 10 Holiday Trunk Show Event Honors New York City Designers


The Three Tomatoes will host a Holiday Trunk Show Event on Nov. 10, 2010
from 6 to 9 PM, at the Downtown Association, 60 Pine Street, NYC, honoring
New York City designers and artisans.

Among the designers who will be showcased are:
women's clothing designer, Gabrielle Carlson www.gabriellecarlson.com
jewelry designer Justin Guinta www.subversivejewelry.com
NYC handbag designer Elaine Arsenault www.elainearsenault.com
And hat designer Rod Keenan www.rodkeenannewyork.com

2010 Emmy Award Winning makeup Artist Vanessa Elese, will be demonstrating Alison Raffaele Cosmetics www.alisonraffaele.com.


The event will also support two non-profits, Unleashed www.unleashedny.org which saves dogs and empowers girls and Eco Africa www.ecoafricasocialventures.org, a non-profit that will sell items at the event, made by women artisans in Zimbabwe.

The Three Tomatoes www.thethreetomatoes.com is a NYC insider's lifestyle guide and
e-newsletter for "women who aren't kids."

Tickets are $35 in advance and include wine, cheeses, chocolate and salmon
tastings and more. Goody bags (value over $200) are guaranteed for the first
100 people who purchase tickets.

For more info and to purchase tickets to the event visit:
www.thethreetomatoes.com/fashionevent.html

Hurry over, dahlings! I guarantee you a wonderful time!

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky The Wonderdog

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Get Out And VOTE, Dahlings! And Then Have Cake.

DAHLINGS -



Today I did the unthinkable. I mingled with the huddled masses, the general public, the (ugh) common people. It is the sort of action which I avoid at all costs.



The reason I overcame my loathing? To VOTE, of course!



We cannot allow the maniacs and the Tea Partiers to gain even a significant foothold in our government. Just because they scream the loudest does not mean they have a right to override the progress of the last few years. As most of my dear readers know, I strive to stay apolitical on my blog-thing, but this is simply too important. It does not matter if you are a Democrat or a Republican, you owe it to the process of participatory democracy. (A dear friend taught me that phrase; it took me half an hour to pronounce it properly.)



So do not sit upon your derrieres and decide that this election is "not worth it" or "already settled" or that it is "too much trouble."



If I can force myself to vote, anyone can. So do your civic duty, put on your smartest outerwear, and get yourself to your nearest polling place. And then reward yourself with the pastry of your choice.



Because what is a democracy without cake?



Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog