Tuesday, January 26, 2010
First, my absolute top of the list:
The entire female cast of Nine! Together, they look like a fabric catfight. Separately isn't so good, either. For instance, zombie Nicole Kidman:
At a distance it looks like an ugly peasant dress, but upon closer examination, it is an ugly peasant dress covered with sequins. Hair collides with Bob Mackie. And Kate Hudson...why this obsession with white?
From the front, she looks like a large bar of white chocolate. Simultaneously, she looks as though she never touches white chocolate, or anything remotely calorific. This dress gives me a severe case of cognitive dissonance. (Look it up.)
Speaking of Kate Hudson, one suspects Paula Patton stole Hudson's dress from the Golden Globes (I hope Ms. Patton got the blood off the dress from the man's severed hand, cf. an earlier entry):
Ordinarily I applaud women who display their curves. I fervently hope that Patricia Arquette's gown is vintage 1970s, otherwise...well...although who in their right mind would wear vintage 1970s?
Anna Paquin's dress would have made my "Breast Foot Forward" list if I had one this go-round. But I do not, so I'll simply say it looks like a leftover from Snakes On A Plane. (Note tasteful placement of cobra head.)
Heidi Klum* would undoubtedly say that Mariska Hargitay's dress seems to be "pooping fabric," to use one of Ms. Klum's favorite terms. Combine that with the unflattering hot pink, and you get this:
Sandra Bullock channels Jean-Luc Picard from Star Trek in this, er, rather strange selection. When she recieved her award, Ms. Bullock nobly tried to move her face, but to no avail.
Dianna Agron did not want to carry a clutch. So she kept a lipstick and some low-cal snacks in a handy pouch hanging off her cleavage:
Finally, I had not thought that Toni Collette could top that mass of sequins she wore to the Golden Globes, but voila! Words fail me (just imagine some gargling noises, dear readers).
* My apologies for not writing about Project Runway yet. Busy, busy!
As always, feel free to leave your comments. But bear in mind, I am always right.
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog
As I said, there were so many choices I had to break this into two entries. This is rarely the case with award shows, but many celebrities seemed to have learned from their mistakes. And others knew what worked for them.
Case in point: Jane Lynch. This is another full-sweep gown, this time strapless and in a deep, rich blue.
And speaking of learning from your mistakes, this time Mariah Carey chose to keep her bosom covered. Well, almost covered. Some fashion critics think her dress emphasizes her weight, but she is voluptuous and looks gorgeous that way. To those critics I say: eat a sandwich!
I simply detested that ruffly pink thing Diane Kruger wore to the Golden Globes, but this figure-hugging mustard gown by Jason Wu is the essence of old-style Hollywood.
One of my favorites, Christina Hendricks, went for Carolina Herrera, in a bold red. My only cavil is the updo, which makes her head look just a tad small for her bold figure.
And another favorite, Neicy Nash, wore a conservative yet seductive black and white dress. This time the top fit perfectly, as did the rest of her gown. And the neckline allowed her to showcase her necklace. The yellow clutch doesn't go with the outfit, but who really cares?
Despite being widely criticized for her black and white Golden Globes dress, Tina Fey did not go back to safe black. Instead, she opted for a Salvatore Ferragamo deep purple draped dress which suits her slim yet curvy shape.
I'm a bit on the fence about Julia Louis-Dreyfus's dress, but on the whole I like the cut, if not the fabric.
Drew Barrymore always knows what to wear on the red carpet (no wonder, she's been walking it since she was a fetus). She does not disappoint in this blue tiered Monique Lhuilier. The tier is ringed by elaborate embroidery. However, I do wish Drew had worn some lipstick.
As much as I wanted to love it, Gabourey Sidibe 's dress did not flatter her as much as her Golden Globes gown. The ruching and color are lovely, but the cut of the sleeves sit strangely over the bosom, making this beautiful girl look slightly ungainly.
Now before you think I've gone soft on you, my faithful readers, later I shall post my Worst Dressed!
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog
There was an embarrassment of riches (also an embarrassment of embarrassments) at this past Saturday's Screen Actors Guild Awards. Hugh Laurie again did not win, damn it all.
However, let us move on to the dresses!
If I had to pick a single favorite among the gowns, it would be Jane Krakowski's white satin marvel. It drapes around her superbly, and is perfect for the red carpet.
The runner up is Sofia Vergara, in a two-tone dress that stood out from all of the monochrome all around her.
I did not care for Christina Applegate's pale blue chiffon from the front, but the back won me over completely.
Helen Mirren has certainly looked more spectacular, but here she looks both extremely sexy and comfortable. Would that we would all age so well!
Speaking of aging gracefully, Meryl Streep won my heart in this dazzling Balenciaga.
It is truly a pity that I could not find a full-length full frontal picture of Monique, whose gown was soft and feminine, showcasing her bounteous beauty.
The most improved award must go to Sophia Loren in Armani Prive'. Other than her outdated glasses, she looks ultra-sophisticated (the girl behind her is her daughter). The trim is completely contemporary, a modern spin on her iconic status.
There are so many more than I am going to break this into two posts!
Elisa & Bucky The Wonderdog
Monday, January 25, 2010
Last night was SUCH fun! The Greenhouse on Varick Street was simply packed with a crush of hangers-on, friends of Chris March, admirers, and drag queens. Tragically, my camera battery was dying. This was early in the evening, before the more, er, interesting guests arrived.
It's not just that the top encircles the bodice like a huge crocheted sausage, but you cannot see the fringed racer back in any of the photos. It was a found object, as I decided to call myself Lady Dada. No hat or jewelry could compete, so I kept it simple with a purple feather fascinator and lace-up leather boots, for that psychedelic saloon girl look.
Early in the evening I met two admirers, Flan and Sahid.
We were highly amused by the sight of men putting tiny pieces of duct tape on the wall lights. "It has to be the best duct tape," Flan observed. (Chris can be observed all the way in the back, in the corner. He did not move for the three hours I was there.)
Chris March could not have been more gracious. For a long time I sat next to him up in the VIP section, and watched as he was bombarded by fans, many of them in outfits and makeup that must have taken most of the day to put together. "I met you ten years ago...it was just for a hot minute!" one woman brayed. "Oh, yes, I remember you," Chris lied.
The rest of the evening is a bit of a blur, particularly because I hit the dance floor! One stocky Asian gentleman spun me in circles for a very long time. Another lovely man took me downstairs to the private room where the boogieing continued.
But when the strobe lights started, that was my cue to return to my beautiful (featured in Architectural Digest) apartment. I simply cannot bear strobes in any way, shape or form.
So that is my report of the night. Saturday night I was in attendance at a book signing for Vintage Fashion Accessories by Stacy LoAlbo, because of course I had written the forward. It was held at the MH Art & Framing Gallery on 9 West 20th St, the better to showcase the gorgeous photography. Not only did I meet one of the superbly talented photographers, Jimmy Lin, but also a woman who calls herself the Idiosyncratic Fashionista. And believe me, she was, and I mean that in the most flattering way possible.
And now it's Monday, and I still haven't done my SAG Awards Best and Worst Dressed List! A working woman's job is never done, even with a staff.
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog
Sunday, January 24, 2010
First of all, no one was happier than moi to find that the beautiful gown Meryl Streep wore at the Golden Globes, that was at the top of my Best Dressed List, was designed by none other than darling CHRIS MARCH!
And tonight is the signing party for Chris March's new book, I Love Chris March, filled with equal amounts of photography and delight. Yes, I'm going overboard, but the man does it to me.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Sorry this entry is late. But I've been out of my mind with preparations for New York Fashion Week.
However, I was absolutely driven to finish by having the misfortune of happening across a program on E! hosted by the Bride of Riverstein, Bobblehead Girl, Reality Show Slut and Strange Little Blonde Man. Perhaps that may seem harsh, but the way they tore into any unfortunate celebrity who did not wear what they thought proper was simply--words fail one. (You will find most of them on my Dullest Dressed List.) Particularly because Bobblehead Girl was wearing a garish gold minidress with some sort of shoulder-thing that threatened to lop off her head if she turned sideways. As for what the Bride of Riverstein was wearing: silence.
Now, on to your faithful correspondent's Worst Dressed List.
Speaking of lack of foundation garments, Heidi Klum, of all people, needs a brassiere. Since she so often scolds Project Runway contestants for not putting bras on their models, it seems strange that she decided to go without. Otherwise, it's a perfectly nice dress by Roberto Cavalli.
And again speaking of lack of foundations, why did Halle Berry forget to put a gown on over her slip?
Not to be outdone, Mariah Carey, who looked so lovely at the People's Choice Awards, decided to be the punchline of one million "Golden Globes" jokes with this, er, little number, accessoried by an oiled spray-on tan:
Speaking of bosom overkill, Annalynne McCord's dress not only looks like it is feeling her up, one wouldn't be surprised if those things on the top vibrated when you pressed the right button. (Something to do when the GG's get slow...a self-pleasuring dress.)
"Oh my God, this feels so good."
Photo courtesy of Just Jared
(One supposes one should be grateful that there were female celebrities with breasts there, in any case.)
Kate Hudson decided to wear a bridal gown with very sharp edges. There are rumors she cut off a man's hand while making her way down the red carpet. For some reason when I look at this dress, I think "chassis." And not in a good way.
On the other scale was the widow Jones, who is in deep mourning in Lanvin, although I am not sure for what.
Chloe Sevigny looks as though she was about to be eaten alive by her rose colored Valentino gown, or like a little girl poking her head through a ladies' dress rack. Take your pick. I'm inclined to the first choice, if only for the image of screams after the ceremony and the dress lying flat on the ground, Chloe nowhere to be seen.
"I'm not sure, but I think this thing is moving."
FOLIE AUX DRESS
Julia Roberts was a stand-out for all the wrong reasons. She made many Worst Dressed lists by seeming as if she had just run out of the house without changing her clothes. I hate to be one of the pack, but sometimes...
Elizabeth Moss usually looks lovely at award events, so what is one to make of this washed out, ill-fitting dress? And why won't she pull up her straps?
This dress was widely admired, but watching Toni Collette go to the stage to accept her Best Actress award, it seemed to weigh more than she did, and drags down her beautiful (if thin) figure with its heft.
Anna Paquin's choice was not only garish (particularly up close), but almost made it into the Breast Foot Forward category.
Cameron Diaz has two strikes against her: a strangley immobile, mask-like face and a dress that, when she was onstage, made me think, "cowl cleavage."
Last but hardly least, zombie Nicole Kidman was momentarily enticed from looking for brains to eat for a photo op. Her Nina Ricci dress overwhelms her sticklike figure, as would anything else.
"Me want brains. Paparazzi...so many tasty brains..."
There were any number of pretty, perfectly satisfactory dresses worn by Diane Kruger, Olivia Wilde, and others, but I think I have written enough about the Golden Globes for now. Feel free to comment, but I would prefer if you did not do so anonymously. Have the courage of your convictions. And remember, I am always right.
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog
Monday, January 18, 2010
This edition of the Golden Globes contained so many dull, uninspired, been-there dresses, that I simply had to make a new category: The Snooze Awards. Any one of these dresses could induce ennui, put together they guarantee narcolepsy.
Let's start with something utterly boring, shall we? Jennifer Aniston in a black dress by Valentino. A high slit does not an interesting gown make.
If that weren't dull enough, Glenn Close chose to wear a simple column dress in black by Oscar de la Renta. Oscar, dahling, you let me down. Not to mention that Ms. Close looks like she could out-bench press Colin Farrell.
Courtney Cox prevents excitement from building with another uninspired black dress:
Heather Graham in a dress that is a collision between Jennifer Aniston's Valentino and Glenn Close's Oscar de La Renta. The slicked back hair does not help.
Julianne Moore's Balenciaga is not bad enough to qualify her for Worst Dressed, but it is certainly an ill-conceived snore.
Here's a variation on The LBD (The little boring dress) , a pouf skirt worn by one of the cast members of Glee.
Even the usually fabulous Kate Winslet could not escape the grip of dull, in this dark blue (literally) sleeper by YSL.
Now that we have moved on from black to dark blue, here is a Nina Ricci snoozefest worn by Carey Mulligan (who also needs to hitch it up).
Moving on, here is a lackluster chiffon pink number by Dolce & Gabbana on Emily Blunt.
Even the fact that it is Lanvin does not conceal the fact that Rose Byrne is wearing a dress like thousands of others on the red carpet at any given awards show.
Sophia Loren has recovered from the disaster at the Oscars only to discover quiet good taste. Too bad. I mean, she is Sophia Loren and all.
I couldn't bear to put Jenna Fischer in the Worst Dressed category, this Halston dress isn't that bad. It just isn't that...anything. It's a tad frumpy.
Well, those are the Snooze Awards, in no particular order. Feel free to comment. Just remember that I am always right.
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog