My apologies for the slight time lag, but it was party time this weekend. More than that I shall not say, to spare the feelings of those involved. Suffice to say I am never setting foot outside of New York City or the Hamptons again.
And so, we start the CMT Worst Dressed list with The Paula Deen Death Stare:
"I'm goin' to rip your spleen out and stuff it down your throat, darlin'."
There was an embarassment of...er...riches for this list. Our first candidate:
Miss Teen USA!
Can you imagine having to attend events dressed like your own grandmother? This accidentally-vintage 70s-style horror must have been as much fun to wear as it is to look at.
THE EIGHTIES ARE BACK!
In the midnight hour, she went "more, more, more"...
I have no idea who these people are, but the photo made me throw up in my mouth.
Kellie Pickler appeared in a pouffy 80s prom dress, minus side ponytail and Scrunchy. I should have known it was by Zuhair Marad:
Hayden Panettiere worked two 80s trends, Qiana and black lace by Pucci...this is the unfortunate result.
Finishing our trip down Bad Fashion Memory Lane, we have Miranda Lambert dressed as a human disco ball:
You'd think by now female celebrities would know how to get their dresses properly fitted up top, but it seems to be a bygone art.
In my previous entry, I mentioned Faith Hill's enviable sternum. Laura Bell Bundy flaunts her utter lack of body flesh in the gilded mess:
As much as I approve of cleavage, the lady on the left might have considered wearing a proper brassiere:
Karen Fairchild forgot that all-important lesson: if you are going to wear padded cups, remember to put the pads in them before you exit the limo!
Beautiful songstress Sheryl Crowe demonstrates how to de-emphasize anything positive about your figure and emphasize that you are wearing an overly-large, badly fitted dress that makes you look like you haven't eaten since last October.
FOLIE AUX DRESS
This is the category into which I toss everything that is simply, well, ugly. And it's not just the women who have a lockdown on this category.
For instance, Jake Owen in this blinding nightmare of a shirt.
Julianne Hough illustrates that nothing does more for a girl's looks than a yellow dress with a bright yellow pubic hair applique:
Way to emphasize your talent!
Some celebrities opted for a less subtle approach. This "television personality" opted to wear her pubic hair on her collarbone:
The Situation shows his claim to fame...isn't his 15 minutes up yet?
Speaking of which, we have the inevitable Snooki in her aluminum foil dress:
Carrie Underwood has never been known for her quiet good taste, and she again failed to bring it this Jenny Packman strange pink...draped...buckled...thing.
All I can say about Kimberly Schlapman's look is: EEEEEAAAAAAAH! I'M BLIND!
The hair, the dress, the shoes...oh, dear God, the hair, the dress, the shoes!
At least it's unique...thank goodness.
There is nothing that can top that, at least at this awards show. Feel free to express your opinions in the comment sections. But bear in mind that I am always right.
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog