Thursday, January 07, 2010

People's Choice Award: The Worst Dressed


As I mentioned in my previous post, my choices for Best and Worst were hampered by the sameness of the dresses, particularly the plethora of one-shouldered gowns. However, your faithful correspondent will not let her readers down. Here, in no particular order, are my Worst Dressed.


One star's outfit leapt out at me. It is amazing that Carrie Underwood managed to find a dress made entirely of chicken wire:

"OUCH, y'all."

And that strange bustle-thing; did it hurt to sit on? I only hope she wasn't badly scratched by evening's end.


There was the usual swarm of hideously gaunt actresses, their fleshless arms and legs exposed by teeny frocks.
First, we have Taylor Swift (who apparently plays major league basketball in her spare time, minus the steroids):
Jessica Alba looks as though nothing but vitamin water has passed her lips for the past six months. This dress was criticized on another site for making Ms. Alba's hips look, big, if you're a praying mantis.
Diane Kruger is disturbing in Herve Leger:
Even a sorry attempt at pouf doesn't make Dana Ramirez look any more female:


...goes to Nicole Kidman. Her pallor, skeletal appearance and immobile face (not to mention the flat, lustreless hair) suggest that she died last week, but was specially resurrected to attend this ceremony. I do hope they sprayed her with a great deal of Chanel #5 to conceal the odor of decay.
"I need brains. Braaaains..."

Whoever this young woman is, she may consider firing her stylist. The oversized, draped top is trying to be 80s and, unfortunately, succeeding. And pumpkin orange is not the new black.
One supposes we should be celebrating Hayley Williams's individuality, for her dress is neither one-shouldered nor draped. However it looks as though she is being attacked by a swarm of huge moths. Her stylist also might have suggested that orange is not the new black when it comes to hair, either.
"This is tasty wool!"

This couple looks as glum as their outfits:
She: "Are we having fun yet?"
He: "No."

Finally, we have Sandra Bullock. Not only is her dress a color that washes her out, it is strangely constructed. It rather looks like the fabric was thrown at her and then basted where it landed. Fortunately, her recent box office successes have made Ms. Bullock able to afford a staggering amount of plastic surgery, leaving her face a waxen mask.
As I wrote before, this is my list, and feel free to leave your comments. But bear in mind that I am always right.


Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog


Lee said...

I see that these ladies need to eat something. Where is the Glamor? They are beautiful women and should let their own personal style be their guide instead of what the designers tell them to wear...

Anonymous said...

You're being quite offensive there aren't you? Most of these women look really nice. Hayley Williams' hair is orange for her individuality, at least she doesn't feel the need to fit in with all the other stars on the red carpet.

Hoardmeister said...

Dahling, I do wish you'd leave your name and not comment anonymously. However, I felt you had the right to your (misguided) opinion. If you don't want to be offended, then why on earth are you reading a post called "Worst Dressed"?

Anonymous said...

hayley williams looked awesome! yeah if i saw that dress in a shop i wouldnt buy it, but thats coz i coulndt pull it off, like most people couldnt, its different,its idividual, and its not boring like the rest of em, and her hair isnt boring either, its like her trademark, its what makes her individual, and her. i respect your opinion, your comments on some people made me laugh, but i just love hayley williams, so im sure you can respect my comment to :) ps im only appearing anonymous because i dont have an account or google mail :D