Tuesday, January 26, 2010

2010 SAG Awards: The Worst Dressed


First, my absolute top of the list:

The entire female cast of Nine! Together, they look like a fabric catfight. Separately isn't so good, either. For instance, zombie Nicole Kidman:

At a distance it looks like an ugly peasant dress, but upon closer examination, it is an ugly peasant dress covered with sequins. Hair collides with Bob Mackie. And Kate Hudson...why this obsession with white?

From the front, she looks like a large bar of white chocolate. Simultaneously, she looks as though she never touches white chocolate, or anything remotely calorific. This dress gives me a severe case of cognitive dissonance. (Look it up.)

Speaking of Kate Hudson, one suspects Paula Patton stole Hudson's dress from the Golden Globes (I hope Ms. Patton got the blood off the dress from the man's severed hand, cf. an earlier entry):

Ordinarily I applaud women who display their curves. I fervently hope that Patricia Arquette's gown is vintage 1970s, otherwise...well...although who in their right mind would wear vintage 1970s?

Anna Paquin's dress would have made my "Breast Foot Forward" list if I had one this go-round. But I do not, so I'll simply say it looks like a leftover from Snakes On A Plane. (Note tasteful placement of cobra head.)

Heidi Klum* would undoubtedly say that Mariska Hargitay's dress seems to be "pooping fabric," to use one of Ms. Klum's favorite terms. Combine that with the unflattering hot pink, and you get this:

Sandra Bullock channels Jean-Luc Picard from Star Trek in this, er, rather strange selection. When she recieved her award, Ms. Bullock nobly tried to move her face, but to no avail.

Dianna Agron did not want to carry a clutch. So she kept a lipstick and some low-cal snacks in a handy pouch hanging off her cleavage:

Finally, I had not thought that Toni Collette could top that mass of sequins she wore to the Golden Globes, but voila! Words fail me (just imagine some gargling noises, dear readers).

* My apologies for not writing about Project Runway yet. Busy, busy!

As always, feel free to leave your comments. But bear in mind, I am always right.

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog


pata said...

What on god's green earth does this have to do with this feed? Why are you tearing these women down? Why are you here?

Hoardmeister said...

What feed? You ask why I am here. Because I am better than everyone else, that's why. Have a drink and calm your nerves, dahling.

Anonymous said...

I thought Mariska Hargitay beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Simply wonderful.

propriatress said...

comedy! cognitive dissonance.....one of my fave states of being.......sometimes a woman is pretty but her dress Is an overflowing catbox...It's just a fact of life.

Anonymous said...

Yeah. I agree with the anonymous first. Mariska's dress is very beautiful. From the color of the fabric. I liked everything. Mariska always gives me the impression of a naturally beautiful woman. Without that obessessão the glamor. But she is so beautiful, so beautiful that it falls tuo well. alive disagreement.