Saturday, August 29, 2009

Project Runway Pregnancy Chic: Malvin Lays An Egg

DAHLINGS –

Finally, Project Runway has one of their few real-life challenges! And as always, when confronted with real life and a real woman’s body, most of the designers are utterly flummoxed.

Actress/model Rebecca Romjin (Ugly Betty), heavily pregnant, is the inspiration for the challenge: Pregnancy Chic. Rebecca and Heidi pretend to like each other. But one can feel the evil model vibes shooting between them despite their faux camaraderie. The designers are specifically told to design a form-fitting outfit for Ms. Romjin. Who knew her last name was pronounced like the lettuce? Not moi.

When they go into the workroom, each designer is given a pregnancy pillow to tie to their mannequins. Gordana, who has actually been pregnant, has to give the others instructions on where the pillows go. Straight, personality-challenged Logan remarks, “Pregnant woman—that’s really not my deal.” Good thing he has not reproduced.

Basically, the challenge turns most of the designers into complete drooling idiots, which is why this episode is a lot of fun to watch. I only wish the show spent more time in the workroom! Perhaps it is because there are so many designers still designing they simply don’t have the camera time. But I want to get to know Qristyl and Nicolas better. Nicolas seems quite droll. Someone it would be fun to have a cocktail with.

Malvin, who feels his designs are “ineffable,” whatever that means, decides to go with a highly-conceptual garment symbolizing a mother hen and her egg. And yes, it is truly as ghastly as that sounds. Tim managed to keep from vomiting on camera when he first saw it in the workroom. There was that rough linen fabric, the egg-sling-thing, feathers here and there: thank GOD Malvin was talked out of jodphurs!

It's Fetus-In-A-Bag! With A Side Flap For Your Laptop!

I’m certain Michael Kors also said, “Pregnant woman—that’s really not my deal.”

He was replaced by designer Monique Lhuillier. Along with Nina, Heidi and Rebecca, the the panel was pure estrogen. Heidi warned the designers that the entire panel had been pregnant. Whether she meant that they had particular expertise or that their hormones were raging that day, one doesn't really know.

Evidently most of the designers had never seen a pregnant woman. For instance, it did not occur to them to pad the anorexic models’ breasts to match the enormous stomachs sailing before them, like prows on a badly made ship. However, some did markedly better than others.

Gordana drew on her experience for this sexy navy top and pants.


Shirin went for the gold by creating an amazing draped and tucked burgundy dress, with a stunningly lined coat. She was the clear winner. This photo does not do her outfit justice.

Althea’s dress was very pretty and flattering, but struck your faithful correspondent as somewhat bland. We’ve seen it before. And a pregnant woman's breasts--almost any woman's breasts--would never stay in those cups without several rolls of body tape.

On the losing side, R’amon created what another designer called “a bowling-ball bag.” It was meant to be slimming, but instead it proclaimed for several city blocks, “I’m wearing a HUGE pregnancy pillow!" And the construction...er, one could call it construction...


Mitchell created an atrocious, too-tight, badly made shorts and sweater set, and yet he was not auf’ed. This is something your faithful correspondent does not understand. Ordinarily, poor dressmaking is on the bottom rung of the Project Runway critique, and Mitchell has now sent two hideous, poorly constructed messes down the runway. We were praying that he would get Heidi’s stiletto boot.


However, he got let off with a stern warning from Heidi: "Up your game or I will rip out your jugular with my perfect white teeth, scum."

Malvin got auf’ed. Not to say that his outfit had any redeeming qualities; in fact, it looked like an alien baby was growing in that fetus sling. But I had thought his hair, misspelled name and general bizarreness would keep him on the program.

However, as one of my viewing companions pointed out, “Clinically depressed white boy trumps no-affect Asian.” And yes, Malvin was preternaturally calm. Even during his exit interview, he seemed to be gently tranquilized. He muttered that his designs were "too conceptual for America."

I must get the name of his doctor.
Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

1 comment:

vitamine h said...

Those dresses were looking good for women who are not pregnant. The other thing is that I am not sure about how it goes with pregnant women who are not at all taking care of their figure like the models did.