Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Twitter & My Plans for World Domination (Including Sham-Wow)


I confess. I have become rather a fan of Twitter, if not of most of its users. Do I really need to know someone feels bad because they broke their diet because they ate some gnocchi? At first, the 140 character length left something to be desired. Such as intelligence. But soon I learned that brevity is levity when one works on it. And now, through sheer grit and determination, I have as of today 306 followers!

My initial goal was 300 followers, but I want at least 1,000, so that I may plot my plan for world domination. Or at least the domination of a part of the world. Here are some of my promises if I become a World Leader:

1) World peace, because you have to say that first.

2) Recast all of the situation comedies on television that have fat men married to beautiful women, so that fat women are married to handsome young studs. Because, my dear readers, that is how it is in real life far more than you think.

3) Force-feed Megan Fox pastries as if we were stuffing a goose for foie gras. In fact, stuff Ms. Fox with foie gras as well.

4) Ban all diets except those medically mandated. Destroy any and all height/weight charts. Ban all stock footage of heavy people's midsections used for news footage about obesity.

5) Ban Photoshop on advertising. In fact, perhaps we should ban advertising. (Comments are welcome on this one, dahlings. After all, I would be a most open World Leader.)

6) Legalize same-sex marriage. But I do not care how devoted it is, you cannot marry your dog, cow or parakeet.

7) Ban informercials for colon cleansing, exercise machines, and...oh, let's simply ban all infomercials. (Comments are welcome if you have a "thing" for the Sham-wow gentleman.)

8) This is going to get a bit complicated, so bear with me:
  • Bring women's salaries to the same level as men's
  • Allow women of any country to wear what they want
  • Allow women of any country to attain any level of education they want
  • Allow women of any country to aspire to any political position they want

9) Any suggestions? Please do leave your comments.

If you agree with my plans, please do follow me on Twitter. Together we stand, divided it's just the same old mess it's always been.


Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog


Cleric at Large said...

I'd simply ADORE the opportunity to keep up to date with all your latest news.

It's just so much work to find you on twitter- do give us a link to your twitter page, and its lovely little 'follow me' button somewhere, won't you?

(okay, so searching for 'hoardmeister' wasn't ALL that hard)

Hoardmeister said...

Dahling, the link is to your right, just below my profile! Click away! Ciao!

Anonymous said...

Can we force-feed MeMe Roth too? :P

And disband al organisations like Weight Watchers!!

Macala Wright said...

I am officially going to twitterstalk you. I love it! Oh, Oh! I love it!