Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Top Ten 2008 Fashion Outrages! Part Two, Belatedly


What with all the hugger-mugger of recent events (and my recent absence), I completely forgot to update my TOP TEN FASHION OUTRAGES OF 2008! And here it is, nearly mid-year! My head is hung in disgrace. For the moment, anyway.

And, how can I detail current Fashion Outrages if I don’t dispose of last year’s? So, without further ado, I present Numbers 3-6!

Number Three: Karl Lagerfeld's Hatred of Fat People, And, Well, Everything

In 1977, after gaining weight, the designer was quoted as saying: "I don't like skinny people, I think it's very démodé."

In 2002, 35 yrs later, after losing 103 lbs. Karl said: "Muscles are out. Bones are in."

And in an article in Prestige magazine, Lagerfeld proclaimed: "this is a subject I won't discuss. You know why? In France there are a large percentage of young girls who are overweight and less than one percent are skinny. So let's talk about the 25 percent who have a weight problem, or are overweight. We don't need to discuss the less than one percent. Anorexia is nothing to do with fashion. These Russian girls are so young. Chinese ones are skinny, too, and bony. I don't think it's a subject to discuss. And in today's world, many people take drugs, not only models, hmm? It's an unnecessary subject. Let's talk about the fat ones. "

Where on earth does this man get his medical information? From airplane magazines? Oh, dear, I forgot, he always travels alone on his private jet. Emphasis on alone, because he has no friends. Your faithful correspondent didn’t say that, Mr. Lagerfeld did. At least his stated hatred of all children means that he won’t be reproducing any little Lager-fiends.

Methinks that tight collar has cut off circulation to his brain.

Number Four: Hideous Footwear

Every generation gets the footwear it deserves. Take,for example, Uggs (aptly named), Flip-flops, and Crocs. Crocs are a well-documented eyesore, whether working in the garden or, God forbid, wearing them out. Only those under the age of three should be allowed to wear plastic shoes. Unless they are Lucite.

Flip-flops worn by women on city streets (shudder) not only look ridiculous, they have no support, and expose your bare feet to the pavement and asphalt. I can only recommend this look to the homeless. As for Uggs, well, if wearing huge heavy fur boots on hot summer days makes you happy, dahling, you might want to have yourself checked by your physician. There is something seriously wrong with your inner thermostat.

Number Five: Sleepwear On The Street!

Wearing pajama pants in public! I cannot IMAGINE what possesses women to do this! Are they sleepwalking? Is it some twisted way of advertising how good it would be to share a bed with them? Is there some code I’m missing here?

Number Six: Barebellied and Pregnant

Speaking of sharing a bed, the current trend of going bare-bellied when pregnant. If we did not wish to see your midriff when it was its normal size, whatever that was, what makes you think we want to see it stretch marked with an “outie”?

(This applies as well to women who wear super-sheer tight clothes over their expectant swollen stomachs. We are all delighted that you managed to have sex at least once, dahling, but must we be forced to gaze at the results in such graphic detail? What’s next, customized t-shirts with photos of the baby’s head crowning?)

That is all for now, mes amis. Being exposed to this much bad taste at one time always leaves moi a tad faint. I must have the maid dab my temples with eau-de-cologne.

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog


Anonymous said...

You speak the truth! I live in Florida, and there is nothing funnier to me than seeing Florida girls wearing their Uggs and mini-skirts or daisy dukes. 1) We live in Florida. It never gets THAT cold here. 2) Ew? Do they not look at themselves in the mirror before leaving the house? Not a nice look - skirts and Uggs.

Hoardmeister said...

Dahling, you speak the truth. Uggs in Florida? I cannot imagine it!

Kristin said...

Slaves to trends!