Thursday, February 28, 2008

I'm In The New York Times AGAIN, Dahlings!

DAHLINGS -

Last night my show had a triumphant opening--yours truly gave a masterful performance, and my costar, Shannon Sutherland, was truly radiant. The backstage crew were a marvel of efficiency.

And the icing on the creme brulee was to awaken this morning to find an article about myself in The New York Times in all my negligee'd glory! It includes my thoughts on the Oscar fashions, and a wonderful write-up of the show. Not to mention a beautiful photograph by Michael J. Berkowitz of moi with Bucky. You can see it at:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/28/fashion/28ROW.html?ref=fashion

Remember, there are only FOUR more performances of my masterwork to go, so get yourself to Smarttix!

http://www.smarttix.com/

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

LINDSAY LOHAN & NICOLE RICHIE NAKED

DAHLINGS -

Pardon the title, but I did want to make this blog-thing got some HITS! (And I do have a screed about Lindsay Lohan as Marilyn a few entries back, so I'm not really lying, just fibbing a bit.)

Mes cher amis, my SHOW OPENS TONIGHT!

"DeCarlo is a killer performer" The L Magazine
“This is one seriously funny writer.” VintageGrace.com
“Truly a cool blog!” Critiquemyblog.com
“A fabulously funny blog.” TheThreeTomatoes.com


LIVE! ON STAGE! THE POPULAR BLOG COMES TO LIFE!
Rival-blasting, servant-bashing, she will stop at nothing for the perfect Dior!


FRIGID new york presents an S & D Production
DIARY OF A MAD FASHIONISTA

A Couture Comedy Made For The Masses
Written by Elisa DeCarlo
Directed by Aaron Haber
Starring Elisa DeCarlo and Shannon Sutherland

"You CANNOT AFFORD to miss this show, dahlings!" -The Fashionista

WED 2/27 @ 9 PM
SUN 3/2 @ 8:30 PM
TUE 3/4 @ 9 PM
FRI 3/7 @ 10:30 PM
SAT 3/8 @ 10 PM

The Red Room
85 East 4th StreetNew York, NY 10003(Between 2nd and 3rd Ave.)

Tickets $12
For tickets, go to http://www.smarttix.com/ or call (212) 868-4444



Make certain you buy your tickets ASAP...it's a small theater and will be simply jampacked!

Ciao,Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Monday, February 25, 2008

More on the Oscar's lack of style

DAHLINGS -

Most of the critics are complaining that the dresses were too "safe." It's been that way for years, lookalike long stately Grace Kelly gowns, dull, dull, dull. That is why I am almost grateful for those who are willing to look totally awful.

Take for example Tilda Swinton. With no makeup and an huge one-armed dress made out of a black satin bedsheet that she must have bought at a 99 cent store, she certainly stood out. In fact, she reminded me strongly of those all-white mannequins you see in the shops, the faceless kind.



Then we have this strange man on the red carpet wearing an enormous John Travolta mask. I wonder who he is?



And once again, Nicole Kidman lets us down, in a shapeless black dress and a messy diamond necklace that looks like a chandelier dropped on her head en route to the podium.



You actually cannot get the full effect from this photo, but trust me on this one.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Sunday, February 24, 2008

The Carpet Runs Red At The Oscars...

DAHLINGS,

It’s Oscar night, and no Vanity Fair party! Not only that, your faithful correspondent is simply wrung out from the stress of working on my soon-to-be-opening extravaganza, “Diary of A Mad Fashionista,” which opens this Wednesday.

No matter. It is my duty to report on the good, bad and the ugly on the red carpet, and then to bed. Perhaps not the exhaustive reportage my readers have come to expect from yours truly, but the mere fact that I am dictating this is a feat in itself. The blog comes first!

First, I have to say, that beautiful Jennifer Hudson should have let my dear friend Andre Leon Talley dress her this year. And for me to say THAT is significant. She is in an dazzlingly unflattering Grecian white dress with an Empire waist (why do busty women think they will look better in Empire waists?), and a shapeless bust. I do hope that dear Jennifer is not channeling Aretha Franklin nowadays!



Second, on the other end of the weight scale, Calista Flockhart was also in a Grecian draped dress (did Rami from “Project Runway” dress the invitees?) in a sickly shade of blue green, the better to look truly anorexic. Her better two-thirds, Harrison Ford, has taken to wearing a gray page boy, perhaps in homage to the Best Supporting Actor, Javier Bardem.

Another trend on the red carpet was “bed-head.” Cameron Diaz wore a scruffy ponytail (it matched the wrinkles in her gown), and Colin Farrell’s hair hung down in an uncombed mess.

Helen Mirren looked…very good. This appearance was a tad disappointing from an actress who always looks spectacular.



(Personally, I think it was the lace sleeves on her red gown. It looked like she’d thrown on an old English cardigan, even if they are crystals.)

Meanwhile, Kristin Chenoweth must have had not time to shop and ran straight to the nearest Frederick's of Hollywood.



More later…I simply must hie me to bed.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Friday, February 22, 2008

The Sick & The Dead: Lindsay Lohan as Marilyn Monroe

Dahlings –

This morning I was confronted over my morning latte’ with the latest celebrity outrage. No, not the Miley Cyrus seat-belt flap.

It is Lindsay Lohan’s handlers' incomprehensible decision to have their client pose as Marilyn Monroe in an imitation of Monroe's last photo shoot with Bert Stern. (http://media.nymag.com/fashion/08/lindsay-as-marilyn/)

Stern himself, who apparently has not accomplished very much since the mid-1960s, saw a injection of career Viagra in this exploitation of the youthful hype whore. So he shot the new pictures himself. After all, he had published all 2000 photographs he shot of Marilyn in several different books, all published long ago.

These photos were called “The Last Sitting,” and were virtually the last pictures taken of Marilyn. There are many beautiful images, if you overlook the fact that Marilyn was extremely drunk and high.



(No disrespect for the dead intended. But mon cher lecteurs, the sad reality was that she was an alcoholic and addict, dying six weeks later of an barbiturate overdose.) Later Norman Mailer, may he not rest in peace, used many of these photos for his own exploitation book, a masturbatory fantasy bio titled “Marilyn.”

And now we have Ms. Lohan. When I saw the first photo, I thought she was wearing prosthetic breasts, but then I realized they were phonies of a different sort. I have no idea what this has to do with Spring Fashion 2008, but that was the section into which Star—er, New York Magazine—decided to shoehorn this pathetic travesty.

As for Ms. Lohan, she doesn’t think it is a “big deal,” but then, her actual career has not been a “big deal” for quite some time and this is the first intentional publicity she has received for several years.

I have this to say:

SHAME on all who participated in this degradation of the memory of a beautiful, talented actress who died before her time!

SHAME on all of those who brought this venal monstrosity before the public.

SHAME on those who knew the only similarities between Ms. Lohan and Ms. Monroe are gender, alcohol and drugs.

One only hopes Ms. Lohan has the good fortune to live until 36.

Regretfully,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Too Exhausted To Rail At My Assistant...

DAHLINGS -

Night and day I have been toiling on my show, "Diary of A Mad Fashionista," sacrificing everything in its wake...Fashion Week, timely posts on Project Runway, calls from various handsome males missing my favors...

Even selling my beauteous vintage. I ORDERED my idiotic assistant to list new vintage items on my site on Specialist Auctions, Bodaciously Yours Vintage. But the lowlife chose to use my being so preoccupied to start playing something called World of Warcraft.

However, I caught her in the act and confiscated her headset. She's in withdrawal now, shaking and drooling. Fortunately, I was able to lock her in the office bathroom so she would not drool on anything valuable. I'll have the maid look in on her when the moans stop being so loud.

But I digress. I shall be parading on stage in a series of fabulous outfits, in all my robust glory, and I promise all of you out there a good time!

Note to the handsome males: especially after the show.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Sunday, February 17, 2008

And They're Off! VBOE on Specialist Auctions

DAHLINGS -

On February 14, the Vintage Buy Out Extravaganza (yes, they changed to the title to something more "positive") began, and items have been simply FLYING out of the Specialist Auctions site! I myself have bought some cunning things from Born Too Late Vintage, Alley Cats Vintage, and Vintage Diva!

Here are some beauties I have SLASHED prices on, so shop, shop, shop!

This gorgeous peach crepe dress with a gold embroidered bodice (with bow) that only needs a tiny bit of TLC:


SOLD!

Adorable vintage yellow wool babydoll coat by Youthcraft, size Small:


http://www.specialistauctions.com/auctiondetails.php?id=971801

Lot of four fur hats, a bargain at ANY price!


http://www.specialistauctions.com/auctiondetails.php?id=1114682

Sexy hot pink fabric kitten heeled shoes by Coquettes in 8M, with the ORIGINAL box!


http://www.specialistauctions.com/auctiondetails.php?id=1006809

Many other proprietors are offering hats, jewelry, clothing, glassware--in fact, if it was made before 1989, you might just find it at Specialist Auctions!

Must run, darlings--off to rehearsal. Who knew show business was such hard work?

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

"DIARY OF A MAD FASHIONISTA" OPENS 2/27/08!

DAHLINGS -

I have been up to my exfoliated elbows in work, work, work, and almost completely missed Fashion Week! Please forgive me for this unforgiveable lapse, it won't happen again.

However, I am proud as punch to announce:

LIVE! ON STAGE! THE POPULAR BLOG COMES TO LIFE!

Rival-blasting, servant-bashing, she will stop at nothing for the perfect Dior!




FRIGID new york presents an S & D Production

DIARY OF A MAD FASHIONISTA

A Couture Comedy Made For The Masses
Written by Elisa DeCarlo
Directed by Aaron Haber
Starring Elisa DeCarlo and Shannon Sutherland

"You CANNOT AFFORD to miss this show, dahlings!" -
The Fashionista

WED 2/27 @ 9 PM
SUN 3/2 @ 8:30 PM
TUE 3/4 @ 9 PM
FRI 3/7 @ 10:30 PM
SAT 3/8 @ 10 PM

The Red Room
85 East 4th Street
New York, NY 10003(Between 2nd and 3rd Ave.)
Tickets $12
For tickets, go to http://www.smarttix.com/ or call (212) 868-4444



“This is one seriously funny writer.” VintageGrace.com
“Truly a cool blog!” Critiquemyblog.com
“A fabulously funny blog.” TheThreeTomatoes.com
"DeCarlo is a killer performer" Raven Snook, The L Magazine

Fortunately my costar, the fabulous Shannon Sutherland, made quite a few of the shows, including Michael Kors and Betsy Johnson.

Make certain you buy your tickets ASAP...it's a small theater and will be simply jampacked!

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Monday, February 11, 2008

PR + WWE = Chris Wins! And The End of The Crying Game

DAHLINGS -

Be still, my heart! Although it's almost a week later, I am absolutely OVERJOYED that my dear darling huggy-bear Chris March won on "Project Runway." As soon as I saw all of those silicone-breasted musclemen/drag queens, I knew he had it in a headlock. Pardon the pun.



I SO want Chris to design my wardrobe. Er, a bit more covered up, perhaps, but I do adore leopard!

And Christian did do a marvelous job...as soon as his diva said "leather & lace" I knew they were meant for each other.



Watching Sweet P have a slow-motion nervous breakdown is quite entertaining, isn't it?

Every episode she gets a little closer to the edge; I think by next week they're going to cart her off screaming, like poor Britney Spears. (And for God's sake, would someone tell her to COVER UP those tattoos? I try not to be elitist, as you well know, but every week she wears a tiny little top. Long sleeves, PLEASE!)

As for Ricky, I know he surprised everyone by not crying at the end.

Here's one armchair psychiatrist's opinion: he has a terrible fear of success, and that's why he kept breaking down. Then, when he was auf'd, he knew he wouldn't have to be tested any more, he'd failed, and now he could go home. That bathing suit was LUDICROUS.



Between you and me, one of my favorite parts of the show was watching our Ms. Klum try to outglitz the glitziest women in show business. Sorry, Heidi, you would have done better to wear a black crepe sheath.

Off to rehearse my show, which opens in New York on February 27th! Oh, the work involved, I can hardly stand it! More later, dahlings -

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Specialist Auctions To Go Against Ebay!

DAHLINGS -

This afternoon, the following press release (I shall withhold the contact information) appeared in your faithful correspondent's inbox:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

SPECIALIST AUCTIONS TO GO HEAD TO HEAD WITH EBAY DURING “VINTAGE BLOW-OUT SALE”

VBOE on Specialist Auctions February 14 – February 21, 2008


In an effort to attract both unhappy Ebay buyers and sellers, the rapidly expanding UK-based site Specialist Auctions (www.specialistauctions.com) announced plans to compete directly with a long-held tradition of Ebay vintage clothing sellers: the popular “Vintage Blow Out Sale.” During this sale, many vintage items are sold for $19.99 or less.

Specialist Auctions is calling its sale “VBOE,” and VBOE is rapidly catching on. Numerous Ebay vintage sellers, some of them Powersellers, are signing up on Specialist Auctions in order to take advantage of the event, which, like VBO, runs from February 14 through February 21, 2008. Many vintage items will be also be offered for $19.99 or less.

On February 4, VBOE was featured on the popular blog site She’s A Betty. (http://shesabetty.typepad.com/shes_a_betty_single_girl). Shortly after that it was given a write-up on the website Antique Trader.

During VBOE, buyers will be able to pick from a huge variety of vintage clothes, hats, accessories, jewelry, and more. Just like on Ebay.

The recent changes at Ebay have prompted calls for a boycott starting February 18 and lasting at least a week. By moving to sites like Specialist Auctions, sellers can sell with a clear conscience—and not be held hostage to payment method Paypal, an Ebay subsidiary that recently announced it could put a 21-day hold on payments, even if the item was shipped to the buyer.

Sellers on Specialist Auctions accept a wide array of payment options, including Google Checkout, Western Union, money orders, and bank transfers. Not only that, the only charge to sellers that Specialist Auctions asks for is 3% of the sale price of an item—no matter how high or how low.

So if you REALLY want to shop victoriously, shop at Specialist Auctions during VBOE!

*****

My, my, will wonders never cease.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Sunday, February 03, 2008

It's Fashion Week AGAIN! Oh, My GOD!

DAHLINGS –

Just when I wasn’t looking, Fashion Week Fall 2008 crept up on me! Yes, I know I have simply STACKS of invitations on my desk that my moronic assistant didn’t bother answering (or even tell me about). It was with horror that I awoke this morning in my silk-sheeted bed, Bucky nestled beside me, and realized that Fashion Week started TWO DAYS AGO!

Wait until that assistant comes in tomorrow…I’m going to make her life a living hell, let me tell you.

The most I can do for now is give you my impressions from looking over the shows on the Internet…a poor substitute, I know, but better than no coverage at all, n’cest pas?

First, that continuing blight on the fashion landscape, Yigal Azrouel, who can always be counted to present a large collection of boring, sexless fashion. Suddenly, the designs on “Project Runway” seem like works of GENIUS. He continued with his strange brand of scruffy androgyny:




I thank the Gods that be that I was not in attendance. I might have pelted the models with chocolate-covered cherries, and started a stampede (that got me ejected from the Erin Fetherston show a few years back).

For her show this year, Nicole Miller claimed to have been inspired by Joan of Arc. (That's Jeanne d'Arc to those of us who parle Francais.) One supposes there are worse inspirations than a hallucinating religious maniac who hears voices and ends up getting killed at the age of nineteen. Actually, that profile would fit quite a few modern pop singers, wouldn't it? It was a nice show, but not one of her best; in fact, one has a rather hard time connecting this puffer jacket gone wild with Catholicism:



Tonight we close with a rather frightening image from the Alexander Wang show. As much as I may rail in this blog against the terrifyingly thin models that stagger down the runways, it seems that nothing will stop the shrinking. Today when I at last arrived at Bryant Park, there were the usual paramedics armed with Ensure, cocaine and dextroamphetamine. The show must go on.



Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Has Ebay Finally Gone Too Far?

DAHLINGS –

This past week has been simply filled with drama! And not the sham reality show kind, either. Real, gripping, human drama…at least if you happen to sell on (ugh) Ebay.

Let me see if I can explain this in layperson’s language. It is so terribly complicated, even your faithful correspondent cannot understand it all.

You see, first Meg Whitman, head of Ebay, stepped down, and in her place came a gentleman I can assure you knows nothing about buying and selling on the Internet (or anywhere else, for that matter). I name no names; that is for Fortune and CNN to do.

This week, the-powers-that-be introduced “fee reductions” that turned out to be Orwellian fee INCREASES! That is, you would pay less up front to list your item, but suddenly the fee extracted from the sale would rocket upwards. And some of the fees that are refunded upon selling your item are no longer refundable.

But what turned most sellers’s hair white overnight was the announcement of an outrageous, unbelievable change to one of the fundamental principles of Ebay: the feedback system.

If you have ever used Ebay at all (and who at some time hasn’t decided to buy a used Gameboy?) then you know that sellers and buyers are rated by feedback. The more positive feedback, the higher the rating. Following me so far? Good. The more negative feedback, the lower the rating. This was true for both sellers and buyers. As a seller, I can tell you that more than once I have checked a buyer’s feedback and been appalled at what I’ve found…no details, this discussion is cluttered enough.

WELL. Ebay, in its wisdom, decided to REMOVE the right of sellers to leave negative or even neutral feedback for buyers! The thought makes one’s head spin.

Last year yours truly was the victim of buyer fraud. Again, I name no names. The buyer left me a negative. I was able to leave negative feedback that explained my side of the story. What is to happen now? One seller suggested that since we can now only leave positive feedback, perhaps we should say, “I am positive that this buyer sucks.”

Forgive the common language. I am merely quoting.

And to add insult to injury, apparently they will require us to ship our merchandise before it is paid for! This might be the only retail environment on the planet with such a requirement: somehow I do not envision Saks Fifth Avenue being so broadminded should you try to leave with a sable coat. They can hold the money in your Paypal account for up to 21 days if you do not meet their incredibly complicated requirements (why do I suspect it accrues interest for Paypal while it does so?). There are other changes, but I am too dispirited to list them, and this entry is already far too long.

I am in despair, dear readers. Not even a stiff shot of Kahlua in my evening espresso would cheer me up. What is one to do? What is one to do?

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky The Wonderdog

Friday, February 01, 2008

Do Reality Shows Hate Vintage Fashion?

DAHLINGS –

With the ongoing Writer’s Guild Strike (yes, I am aware of some things going on in the world outside fashion), there has been a proliferation of (ugh) “reality” shows. No relation to reality as you and I know it. And I work in fashion, which has very little relation to reality, so you can only imagine how far away from reality these shows are.

What aggravates your faithful correspondent are the fashion makeover shows. Again and again, some poor woman is humiliated and forced to change her wardrobe, hair, and makeup. Not to say that they don’t usually look horrendous to begin with. In fact, my current assistant could use a top-to-toe do-over.

Don’t look at me that way, you idiot. Black roots with red hair is not becoming.

HOWEVER, some of the more stylish victims have a great deal of vintage clothing in their closets. ALL of which they are forced to—it chokes me to say it--throw out! Discard into the trash, in favor of what is laughingly called “vintage-inspired” clothing. This is because, unlike boutiques along Rodeo Drive, most thrift shops cannot afford that all important television product placement.

Well, perhaps Decades in Los Angeles, but one believes that’s it.

If I had my own “reality show,” I would sweep some poor fashion victim off the streets of New York. A plump woman dressed in too-tight lowrise jeans and what is nowadays called a “puffer jacket.” After ritually burning her clothes, I would dress her in beautiful vintage outfits—dresses, separates, shoes, coats.


Mod Silk Brocade Asian Jacket Dress
http://www.specialistauctions.com/auctiondetails.php?id=816936

Vintage 80s Blue Satin Shoes With Rhinestone Studded Bows, size 12M:


http://www.specialistauctions.com/auctiondetails.php?id=1098626

Vintage Crystal Pleated Contrast Cocktail Dress, XXL:

http://www.specialistauctions.com/auctiondetails.php?id=1098627

Vintage 70s Glamourous Black Maxi Dress With Soutache Embroidery, XXL:

SOLD

If you wish to get a head start on looking beautiful before I sweep down on you, do visit my store on Specialist Auctions, Bodaciously Yours Vintage. It’s paradise, dahlings!

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky The Wonderdog