Monday, January 28, 2008

DAHLINGS, I AM RETURNING TO THE STAGE!

DAHLINGS -

Rejoice! Let joy be unconfined! "Diary Of A Mad Fashionista" is coming to the Off-Off-Broadway stage, starring (of course) your faithful correspondent. After my stellar performance at the Broadway Comedy Club, it was fait accompli.

I know you're sitting bolt upright at your desk or cubicle or in Starbucks, yelling, "Tell me more!" aloud. (In fact, I just heard it coming from a limousine parked on the street below.)

"Diary Of A Mad Fashionista" opens on February 27, 2008 at the Red Room Theater, on East 4th Street in New York's ever-so-trendy East Village. The show is part of the Second Annual Frigid Festival. It is being directed by Aaron Haber, and costars Shannon Sutherland, playing a variety of roles. Bucky the Wonderdog unfortunately does not have an Equity card, so he will have to be played by a substitute. (Also, I would rather not risk having any audience members bitten.) Tickets are an amazingly reasonable $12.00. I tried to talk the producers of the Frigid Festival to raise the ticket price to $100, but they refused to listen. Something about the arts being accessible to everyone or some poppycock like that.

Of course I shall be writing more about this truly ASTOUNDING opportunity to see me live and in the creamy flesh, but for now you can go to this link:

www.frigidfest.com

And click on "2008 Performances". Look for the lovely pink logo indicating MY SHOW!



Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Hail Victorya! She Has Been Auf'd!

DAHLINGS -

Everyone at my viewing party was delighted to see that frozen-faced egomaniac Victorya get auf’d this week! I have never seen a beauty editor of Elle give anyone a high-five before! (Must have been the dirty martinis.) It was quite clear who was the true inspiration behind that fabulous coat the week before--Jillian. And my darling Chris is still in!

A few weeks ago I invented a drinking game—we all have a drink whenever Ricky cries. Some of my guests have to be helped home after the program!

This week, his breakdown on the runway obviously baffled Heidi. Since she is a cyborg, human emotion does not register. One could see the LCD display behind her eyes, “Does Not Compute. Error Message.” So she asked, “What’s up wichoo?”

When Ricky replied it was an emotional rollercoaster, I thought of Chris in the workroom snapping, “Get used to it!” Or at least I think that is what he said. I’d had quite a few dirty martinis before the show.

I quite agree with Tim’s Take: why Ricky’s dress? It was a tube dress, and not that well-fitting. But to be truthful, nothing stood out for moi. Your faithful correspondent never wears blue jeans (the denim would chafe so!), and the “skinny jeans” Christian came up with, although clever, would be disastrous for any woman with real legs.

A confession: my favorite part of the show are the scenes in the apartments, especially the men. Seeing Chris sitting around like a bitchy Buddha and the others trading gossip in the wee hours is the most "real" part of this particular reality show.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Saturday, January 19, 2008

TRIUMPH ON BROADWAY!

DAHLINGS -

Raise a glass of champagne! My appearance on Thursday night at the The Three Tomatoes first event in 2008 was a complete, unqualified success (how could it be otherwise?)!

There were more wealthy older women than at a Florida real estate seminar, all dressed to the nines, but none more so than moi. Never the one to be predictable, I changed my gown every time I went onstage, each time dazzling the audience just a bit more. (Especially when I fell out of one of my gowns for a few minutes and gave the audience a good look at my rosy pink buds. Later I mentioned that the last time I'd gone topless onstage, I had been a great deal younger, and there had been a pole and a bucket of water involved.) First a blue spangled long gown with satin straps, then a plunging neckline dark red dress (which I fell out of), and the piece de resistance, a sapphire velvet gown designed especially for moi by Donatella Versace (before she sobered up) with a blue satin bustle and a huge rhinestone breastplate.

Chris March would have ADORED it!

My assistant, for once a competent young woman named Sumanah, kept an eagle eye on the table where the pretties were located, and we did a brisk business, especially in vintage costume jewelry.

My dears, selling live is so labor intensive, I don't know when I will have the strength to do it again!

The Three Tomatoes were out in force (especially Cheryl Benton, the Top Tomato), the founder of Comedy Cures (Saranne Rothberg) and the producer, media personality Valerie Smaldone--who is simply beautiful in person. Any television station worth its salt would snap her up in an instant!



She is wasted on radio, let me tell you. And two very funny female comedians, Laurie Kilmartin and Leighann Lord, both of whom have worked extensively in television.



Best of all, my dear, dear friend Emme the supermodel and clothing designer, happened to be in the audience, looking astonishingly gorgeous in a red minidress! She even helped pin me into my Versace gown, since the back was slipping a bit.

I wait impatiently for photos of the event...God knows the paparazzi was swarming, and every time I turned around I was having to smile for the flashbulbs. The event was ever so enjoyable, although I was so busy all evening it's a bit of a blur.

But that could be the free champagne. One never knows.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Pretties To Buy Tomorrow at My LIVE Appearance!

DAHLINGS -

As you know from the entry below, I shall be appearing LIVE tomorrow night, Thursday, January 17th, at the Broadway Comedy Club as part of The Three Tomatoes Comedy Event!

What you don't know is that I will be offering some gorgeous things for sale! And my latest personal assistant, a very competent young woman, will be helping out (you don't think I'd go onstage without having my things protected, do you? There will also be a bodyguard, but he will be extremely inconspicuous. Unless you try to snatch something off of my table. Then things could become...um...just a tad unpleasant.)

Here is a just a small sampling to tempt you, so remember to bring cash and your checkbook!

Vintage 60s mink hat:



Vintage micromosaic bracelet:



Vintage gold fabric purse with novelty close:



Antique Mother of Pearl cameo pendant:



Vintage Corocraft brooch:



A cornucopia of scarves, some New With Tags, by Burberry, Vera, Echo, and others, including this thick, luscious silk velvet double-sided shawl!



And oh, so much more! My assistant is laboring even as we speak to get everything in TOP condition! And I'm going to get my hair done...that is exhausting, dahlings!

See you tomorrow!

Elisa (sans Bucky the Wonderdog, I'm afraid, they have rules)

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Come See Me LIVE This Thursday, January 17!

DAHLINGS -

Yes, it's true, this very Thursday, January 17, I will be hosting the show at The Three Tomatoes comedy event at the Broadway Comedy Club in my beautiful hometown, New York City!

The evening runs from 6-9 pm, and there is food catered by the Carnegie Deli (a bit too rich for my delicate system, but I shall bring my own food). Not to mention goody bags, cocktails, famous comedians, and a silent auction.

But, all of that pales beside the fact that I will be there! In the creamy flesh! Even as we speak I am wearing a masque made from Dead Sea crystals to ready my skin for the lights of the stage. Not only THAT, I will be selling the absolute cream of my vintage accessories (fine jewelry, scarves, hats and gloves) for your delectation. Bear in mind, if I think it's good, it's phenomenal.

Not only that, the event is being produced and hosted by nationally known media celebrity Valerie Smaldone.



VIP tickets are almost entirely sold out, but you can buy a proletarian ticket (and remember, it's for a very good cause). Eat, drink, and be merry--and feast your eyes on moi!

Here is the link:

http://www.thethreetomatoes.com/comedyevent.html

See you there, mes amis!

Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Fascinating Story about Elisa Jimenez...

DAHLINGS -

A friendly stranger sent me this fascinating blog entry about Spitting Earth Goddess, aka Elisa Jimenez. It turns out there is a great deal more to her back-story than most people think.

http://www.billdawes.net/archives/project_runaway.phtml

I'm not sorry she's gone, but I always enjoy a good read.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Sunday, January 06, 2008

Project Runway's One Hour Hershey Commercial

DAHLINGS –

Isn't it annoying enough that in every episode of Project Runway we have to hear about the "Tresemme Salon," the Bluefly accessories, and Heidi Klum's hideous jewelry?? And then to have this week's challenge to be a one-hour Hershey's Candy commercial! The sheer affrontery! What next, dresses made out of Rubbermaid products? "Designers, make it work", indeed.

As I mentioned in my last, hasty blog-thing, I was relieved to see Elisa Jimenez get auf’d. Yes, yes, she was a character, she had a personality (unlike—who is that blonde person with stuff in her hair—the name escapes me—something feline—never mind). But my dears, spitting on fabric, all of those ludicrous noises, that stoned smile…but worst of all, that dreck, er, dress.



The only thing worse than the front is the back, which unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) was not photographed. Suffice to say it made the front look lovely.

Please bear in mind that I am deeply sympathetic to those who have suffered traumatic brain injury (although it did not escape one’s notice that the show’s writers saw fit not to mention it until this episode, thus insuring maximum manufactured sympathy for the poor thing).

Nevertheless, once again, one imagines the writer’s room:

“If it bleeds, it leads! The crazy babe had her head split open! America’s gonna cry its guts out when she’s auf’d! Even that bitch Heidi will have to act like she cares! Top THAT, Housewives of Orange County!”

One must admit it was a bit of a surprise that Victorya survived this debacle.



Watching the model go down the runway caused your faithful correspondent motion sickness. (One might have thought the model had the traumatic brain injury and was only now learning to walk. Oh, dear, I do hope that’s not an upcoming challenge...)

My darling huggy-bear Chris came through beautifully, obviously he has finally listened to Tim telling him to get his head out of Disneyland and into the retail business. I feel so proud…almost like a mother… although of course I am far too young.



Rami won for this creation, although as others have pointed out, one cannot be not certain whether or not he won because of the dress or because guest judge Zac Posen was drooling over the designer himself.



As for moi, I believe Kevin should have won. Look at this classic style, the craftsmanship, the fit!



Call me old-fashioned, call me a traditionalist, but mon cher amis, this was the only outfit that was wearable. (I believe that before the hapless designers were unleashed in the Hershey store they were told to make a "wearable outfit"? ) By wearable, I mean that a human being could wear it. Outside of a television studio.

Of course, I might sign a different tune if I myself had a corporate sponsor. Feel free to take the hint, Tobelerone. Or Godiva. Or hell, even Nestlé.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Friday, January 04, 2008

Elisa Jimenez Gets Her Just Desserts!

DAHLINGS -

More later, I am simply super-busy preparing for my LIVE appearance on January 17th at the Broadway Comedy Club. But aren't we all delighted that Spitting Earth Goddess got auf'd from this week's Project Runway! Even though I am ever the gracious, forgiving soul, I could not forgive that hideous outfit she put on Tracy!

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky The Wonderdog

PS For more information about my rare LIVE appearance, please do click on the Three Tomatoes link on your right, and look for "comedy event"! Buy tickets, it's for ever SUCH a good cause!

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Ain't Nobody Here But Us Chickens...?

DAHLINGS -

Just when one thinks selling on (ugh) Ebay cannot get any stranger...it does.

For example, I am attempting to winnow my inventory for the New Year. So, I have been selling selected merchandise in lots (that is, for the unintiated, in groups. So they do not feel lonely, don't you know).

One recent lot was four vintage 60s fur hats, two mink, one yarn and marabou, and the fourth one probably lynx. Up it went with my other lots, and like any good auction, immediately had bids.

Until one day--poof. It was gone. It had been pulled.

But here is the cherry on the lollipop:

When I clicked on the reason, it took me to a page about being against Ebay policy to sell live animals.

When an auction is pulled, it disappears, along with the names of your bidders, and the description.

I sat at my desk, baffled.

How, I wondered, had I slipped a live animal into my auction? Had I offered Bucky for sale by accident? Had someone slipped a drug into my coffee while I was listing? Was it simple fatigue? Had I offered vintage minks instead of vintage mink hats?

(There's a disturbing image...ancient, angry minks clutching some poor buyer's head.)

One possible reason it was reported was that one of the hats is made of lynx and cashmere (lower right), and there was the vaguest possibility that it was Canadian lynx. It is the same amount of possibility that Santa Claus really exists, but still, one never knows.

So, after a bit of fuming I did the sensible thing and relisted the auction. On Specialist Auctions, where they treat sellers very nicely.

SOLD!

Please do have a look, and if you feel so inclined, have a haggle, as they say.

This time I made certain that the listing contained the word "hats." In the meantime, rest assured that nothing I have up on Ebay has fur on it, and Bucky the Wonderdog is definitely NOT for sale!

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky The Wonderdog