Forgive me for writing about politics, but the events of recent days have been causing me to think Deep Thoughts. Since I am not in the habit of doing so, I keep getting these blinding headaches, which are not helped by my assistant’s insistence on watching the news. I’ve ordered the fool to keep the plasma on the Style Network, but does she listen? Non!
I try not to keep up with popular culture, but it seems I remember a movie some years ago about two teenage boys who concocted a machine that would create their “perfect woman.” It was called Beard Science or some such. Of course I’ve never seen it, but the premise does stick with one.
Particularly when watching Governor Sarah Palin delicately tip-toeing through this God-awful campaign, trying to say as little as possible (at least when there are no teleprompters around). Today she made the news in two significant moments:
The Prime Minister of Pakistan proclaimed she was “gorgeous”.
And she managed to answer a whole four questions from a small group of reporters. Oh, my! Very good, Sarah dear! Most of it was the usual la-di-da about September 11 (I apologize, but when you live here, it does become a wee bit tiresome having one of your greatest local tragedies turned into a device that can be pulled out like a secret decoder ring whenever a politician feels threatened).
This woman may soon have the second-highest position in the United States government, and she is even less prepared for it than Flava-Flav.
One might say that Sarah Palin does represent the hockey moms of America (not that I know any personally), because if you walked up to one at Mall of America and asked them to give a substantive answer to a question about the House Financial Services Committee, they would probably give you a blank stare and respond, “Huh?” Dans la stupidité qu'il y ait unite, if you don’t mind my saying so.
Obviously Palin was chosen because of her ex-beauty queen good looks, her ability to act (she was a weather girl or sportscaster or some sort of broadcast bottom-feeder), and her ability to walk across a wide stage looking resolute. She is the tabloid audience's dream of a female politician, capable of baking cookies with one hand and slaughtering moose with the other. Not like Hillary, who kept insisting on being well-informed.
For gravitas, Palin wears unneeded glasses and keeps her long hair piled up (the unconscious suggestion being to the viewer that she could be on “Female Politicos Gone Wild” if she took it down). If she does not become the Vice President, Palin would make an ideal morning show style reporter.
Only men could have thought up a woman this perfect.
As long as she doesn’t say anything. That is, anything former Bush speechwriter Matthew Scully hasn’t written for her.
Oh, dear, I must go take some aspirin and lie down with a copy of Marie-Claire. This has been simply too much for moi.
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog
* "Vogue" cover courtesy of Salon.com