Monday, August 25, 2008

Project Runway - Drag Queens and Chris March, Oh, My!


How many of you, mon bien-aimé lecteurs, feel that last Wednesday’s Project Runway was one of the Best Challenges in the history of the program? And with THIS sorry lot of designers, no less!

Your faithful correspondent absolutely squealed with delight when her much loved huggy-bear, Chris March, came out, dazzling as ever, as Brunhilde to announce the challenge: dressing drag queens. And I don’t squeal easily.

(At least in this episode, Heidi the Hun did not even attempt to outshine the contestants—it seems that she learned from the Women’s Wrestling challenge last season.)

Heterosexual plus-sized females (such as myself) can learn so much from drag queens. Such as how to move a large body for maximum femininity, how to hold your head high when the rest of the world thinks that you should fit the norm, and how to be fabulous at all times (at least whenever you leave the house!) And many of us do not have to worry about five o’clock shadow.

The single most “barfalicious” moment in the episode (to quote Leanne, who bears a strange resemblance to a mourning beagle), was Suede’s talking about daydreaming about his dead grandfather.

I think he is hallucinating from lack of sleep. Or perhaps the hair dye from that blue scrub-brush on his head is infiltrating his brain. Mais sérieusement, dead grandfather? Urging Sludge—er, Suede—to sprinkle seeds on Hedda Lettuce’s outfit?

Hedda was rightfully unhappy with the extremely unflattering results, and made a few changes of her own before taking the look to the runway. Don’t you KNOW that you do not cut a long glove to hit the single widest part of a person’s arm? When I watched the runway, I wondered if Hedda herself had altered the gloves. (Later I learned that indeed she had cut them; from experience, I know that rolling long gloves can create an unsightly bulge at the elbow if you have any flab there at all.) The outfit would have made the bottom three if Hedda hadn’t put all of her considerable skills to work on the runway!

Joe was the surprise of the episode. It took him a bit of time to grasp the concept, but perhaps he has a drag queen just waiting to be released! Here we see him discovering how the other half lives:

He designed the perfect outfit for the ever-delicious Varla Jean Merman, giving her an Ann-Margret look that was the rightful winner!

Terri, who has costumed drag queens, understood their aesthetic, and did an amazing job with Acid Betty, but my viewing party felt it was not true drag. Just what it was, we could not reach a consensus. Still, well done, Terri!

In the workroom, Blayne was still using that lame “licious” catchphrase, including “neonlicious.” (Hence Leanne’s “barfalicious” comment above.) Tim’s line about his costume looking like a gay pterodactryl could not be topped, so I will not try. As usual, none of the designers listened to anything Tim Gunn had to say. What is the MATTER with these twerps? One wonders if Tim goes outside onto the fire escape and screams afterward.

But dream of dreams, having dearest CHRIS MARCH critiquing the costumes in the workroom! Project Runway heaven!

He was deeply underwhelmed with Keith’s design, as who wouldn’t have been? More scraps of fabric…the man has a scrap fetish. I wonder if he sneaks around MOOD after closing hours and picks up stray bits of fabric in the night. His client, Sherry Vine, was obviously VERY unhappy on the runway.

As would anyone who was not on very powerful hallucenogens.

This week’s judge was Rupaul, who looked oddly messy and toned down. I’m not sure what look she was going for…administrative assistant who spent the night in bed with her boss, got up and forgot to comb her hair? Rupaul, we barely knew ye. Where, oh, where was the GLAMOUR that is your signature more than any others? However, unlike pitiful Sandra Bernhard, he had some excellent critiques. (One glaring exception: Keith’s dress.)

The winner was Joe, and there were shrieks of delight! Varla worked it as only she can. Absolutely drag perfection and it fits her fun, feminine personality in every way.

The loser, AT LAST, was Daniel. He designed—yes—a cocktail dress for Annika Greenkard, who bears rather an unnerving resemblance to a six-foot-tall drag Bernadette Peters. He declared that sequins would make him “throw up.” Now he can take his much-vaunted “taste level” to somewhere it will fit right in—Wal-Mart.

Although I did feel sorry for the dear boy during his exit interview, but he was probably just too young to be there.


Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

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