Saturday, March 31, 2007

Andre Leon Talley & I Have A Smackdown!

DAHLINGS -

Apologies for my long absence!

I am "covered in shame" not to have communicated with you all, mes enfants, when I know you need it so. Especially now, as the weather grows warmer and here in beautiful New York City, the fashion-challenged come out from under their huge colorless coats and woven Sherpa hats (shudder).

"Haute Cou-Poor," my program at the Fashion Institute of Technology to teach the indigent about Fashion In The True Sense, has been literally taking up all of my time, day and night! Who knew something so hellishly close to work could be so...well, hellish? Even with all of those idiotic student interns? They are almost as stupid as my personal assistant!

(Well, no one is that stupid, but I digress.)

Andre Leon Talley and I had what can only be called in today's parlance, a "smackdown" about that HIDEOUS jacket he put on beautiful, voluptuous Jennifer Hudson for the Oscars. The man simply cannot handle criticism of the mildest kind. It comes with the territory, everyone pussyfooting around him, afraid they'll lose their job. Now he is one of my dearest friends; and anyone I have to look UP at when I'm talking to them has a special place in my heart.

But that jacket. No.

It was bad enough, I told him, that he adored Marc Jacobs's collection, and appeared on the Style network calling Nicholas Guest one of fashion's greatest thinkers (excuse me?). But the jacket was unpardonable, a major failing of taste on an international scale. In all candor, I should have had the sense to have this conversation in public, perhaps at Pastis, instead of my beautiful Central Park West apartment.

Dahlings, the man went simply berserk. You would have thought nobody had questioned his taste since 1973. Perhaps no one has. First, a torrent of abuse directed at yours truly, saying that I wasn't fit to vomit on Anna Wintour's skirt (cf. my February 4th post on Fashion Week). Then Andre grabbed one of my prized Faberge' eggs, blue and gold, and CRUSHED IT in his massive hand, whereupon I screamed!

I confess. I lost control of myself. I sicc'ed Bucky on Andre Leon Talley.

No one breaks my blue and gold Faberge' egg and gets away with it.


(This is Bucky sharpening his teeth on a rawhide.)

Bucky may only weigh 14 pounds and stand 16 inches tall next to Andre's 6 feet 9 inches or whatever it is, but that dog is a well-trained little minpin and defended his mistress!

The fearless beast leapt upward and sank his teeth deep into the back of Andre's calf, right out of Andre's reach (Bucky is a very sensible canine). As much as he swatted, Andre could not dislodge my dog, until I gave the command to let go and run!* Bucky galloped out of the sitting room, a flap of black linen pant fabric still in his jaws.

Andre collapsed on my divan, which for a moment I feared would collapse under Andre, in hysterical tears, threatening to sue me, to ruin my reputation, to tell people the heinous lie my hair is not naturally blonde!

In the interest of Andre's dignity, I will spare you further details of the next half hour. Suffice to say we parted still friends, although I will be receiving some hefty medical bills ere long, and "Haute Cou-Poor" will be the less for Andre's non-participation. But one must take the rough with the smooth. Thank goodness Bucky has had all of his shots, and I have very expensive lawyers at the ready.

One must always be prepared, c├ęst vrai.

Ciao,
Elisa and Bucky the Heroic Wonderdog

*Let go and run was, unfortunately, a command I had to teach my darling dog early on.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Spring Fashions For Milady!

DAHLINGS -

My personal assistant has been busy washing, steaming, and otherwise preparing my beautiful vintage spring fashions for your delectation! (As well as some marvelous modern-day apparel.) All sized for the larger lovely, with an emphasis on the bust. You can find them all in my beautiful store, Elisa's Bodacious House of Style (link to your right, children, link to your right).

For the more daring female, a white strapless Mexican cotton dress with see-through lace panels at the waist, front and back!

SOLD

A black satin strapless 80s dress with corset seaming:

SOLD

A full-skirted shirtdress (so fashionable now!) by The American Shirtdress, in a beautiful shade of salmon:

SOLD

From my personal collection, an oh-so-elegant gray wool Mod coat, with genuine Persian lamb trim and a novelty collar close:



A vintage 80s does 50s "I Love Lucy" dress in white cotton with navy polka dots and large side pockets:

SOLD

And a Petite Plus vintage 60s green lace and satin dress:



So visit my store, dahlings, and shop, shop, SHOP! I even combine shipping.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

There Is No Justice - Pointless Rebellion Review

DAHLINGS -

I am crushed. I was hoping the New York critics would tear this show apart, but instead, www.nytheatre.com gave it an excellent review, and even feature my doppelganger on a PODCAST. Thank GOD there are only two more performances, tonight at 9 and on Friday the 16th at 9 pm, and then we will have seen the last of this ghastly creature.

I hope.

Ciao,
Elisa

Saturday, March 10, 2007

POINTLESS REBELLION Opens--Words Fail Me!

Dahlings –

As promised, I was there for the opening of my doppelganger’s show, POINTLESS REBELLION, playing through March 16th at the Red Room theater.

Thank GOD there is a bar on the floor below! I had a stiff drink and marched upstairs to the tiny 30-seat theater. I was going to sit in the front row, the better to unsettle the upstart. But then reason prevailed and I sat in the back. (I had heard that she occasionally involves the audience in her low-class shenanigans.)

What can I tell you? I was shocked, SHOCKED by what I saw and heard! The woman sells used shoes on Ebay, and has the gall to brag about it! She dressed like a man and said obscene things to women in the audience. (I was again grateful for my instinct to sit in the back.) And when she talked about her father…I never knew my father, as my readers know, but if I did, I think I should have a little more respect. Hmmmph.

The audience around me was laughing and thoroughly enjoying itself, which only compounded my fury. Are these the sort of people who watch “Blue Collar Comedy” on television?

Because of something called “Frigid Time” (to do with the performance schedule), we were quickly shooed out of the theater after the performance, to make way for the next show. I waited in the bar downstairs, choosing my words carefully. I was going to tear into this nonentity, this minion, this person that dares use MY name…

But she never appeared. I believe the cowardly wench disappeared down the back stairs! I demanded of the venue manager, “Where did she go?” but all I got was a blank look and a request for my ticket. I arranged my furs around me and stormed back down the stairs. I intend to send an injunction against using MY name in connection with any of her—ughartistic endeavors.

If this sort of lurid spectacle amuses you, you can find out more information at www.frigidfest.com. I am off to bed...my head is aching ferociously. Quel scandale!

Ciao,
Elisa and Bucky the Wonderdog

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

A Rave Review For My Blog!

DAHLINGS -

It is rare I come across a voice of sanity in the wilderness, but your faithful correspondent has received a rave review in Critique My Blog (link to your right).

To wit:

http://diaryofamadfashionista.blogspot.com
Into fashion and all that is trendy? Love Style and the newest "in" thing? Then you have to check out this...well...diary of a mad fashionista. How can you not at least peek at a blogger who starts most posts with "Dahling"? Truly a cool blog with great commentary on fashion and life.Also check out the ebay store that is associated with this blog. Well done, fashionista! Keep up the good work.


Ciao,

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Monday, March 05, 2007

POINTLESS REBELLION Opens - An Outrage!

DAHLINGS -

I am speechless. Simply, utterly speechless. That doppleganger of mine (I believe she's a distant relative), Elisa DeCarlo, who simply REFUSES to change her name, is opening in a SHOW in NEW YORK (my city) this week!

I might have to stay indoors for the duration.

The show is called "POINTLESS REBELLION," and apparently, according to an email this creature sent me, it's about her life as an Ebay seller who has sold well-worn shoes to foot fetishists (as if I would ever do such a thing!!), and her relationship with her father, who was the president of Sarah Lawrence College. To quote the email:

From him, Elisa inherited manic depression and a desire to be onstage. An accomplished male drag artist, Elisa recalls her deep identification with and rebellion against her late father, who reluctantly chose business over show business.



Apparently this is a comedy, and this person has won a number of awards as a performer, in New York, San Francisco, and Chicago. How this has been going on without my knowledge is simply an outrage...

It will be opening at some place on the Lower East Side called the Red Room, as part of a theater festival called Frigid New York, co-produced by Horse TRADE and the EXIT Theatre of San Francisco. I might show up on opening night, Thursday, March 8 at 7:30pm, just to put this person in her PLACE!

If this sort of thing interests you, it is also playing on
Saturday, March 10 at 4 pm
Tuesday March 13 at 6 pm
Wednesday, March 14 at 9 pm
Friday, March 16 at 9 pm

Tickets are $12 (I tip more for my manicures!), half price for seniors and students with identification. No, not the kind that gets underage children into bars. For tickets one can go to www.smarttix.com, or call (212) 868-4444.

This pathetic creature added in her email to moi that discount tickets are available if you use the code BIGRED. Apparently that is the name of the...thing standing next to her. The show runs slightly under an hour, it reads.

I intend to be there opening night...will you??

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Thursday, March 01, 2007

The Oscars On (And Off) Ebay!

DAHLINGS -

Sorry to have been away, but Chris Noth...well, let's merely say he's remarkably energetic and leave it at that. Poor Bucky had to be locked out of the bedroom for two days, but Chris felt it would be altogether too bizarre to be stared at by a dog. No matter how small.

In any event, I'm back. Rather tired and a bit cramped, but back.

So many CRIMES AGAINST FASHION were committed during the Academy Awards (Jack Nicholson's head alone will wake me screaming in the night for months to come), that I felt compelled to display some, er, alternatives from my fellow sellers on and off Ebay. Most of them are on Ebay, poor things. My heart goes out to them. But they are all wonderful, honest sellers and you should buy their clothes.

NOW.

There was a great deal of discussion about how ANYTHING would have looked better on Nicole Kidman than that hideous Balenciaga goiter dress. Funkoma Vintage had this dress, saying even THIS would look better:



Funkoma Vintage

I quite agree--just about anything would, and these sort of little 80s things are ever so fashionable now. If, like me, you liked Kelly Preston's leopard dress, here is a vintage latticed-back take on it, sold by the lovely USMCMars. It is a size Large, with a 39 inch bust:



Vintage Clothing From USMCMars


Of course, one has to wear gold sequins on Oscar night to look paparazzi-perfect! Underwood Estates has this size 4 open-back bombshell in her store, Views of Vintage:



Underwood Estates Views of Vintage


If one is going to wear a dress like that, accessories are KEY, and this beautiful vintage bag from Marie92001 is just the ticket. It's a vintage Ingber purse, even trimmed with rhinestones for that extra touch of sparkle:


http://cgi.ebay.com/Vintage-50s-60s-GOLD-Rhinestone-INGBER-Purse_W0QQitemZ270094130578QQihZ017QQcategoryZ74966QQtcZphotoQQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

Speaking of gold, this would look simply stunning on Halle Berry, wouldn't it? This is for sale at www.borntoolatevintage.com:



And as every woman knows, you can't go wrong with a black dress...unless you're Meryl Streep at the actual Oscars (shudder). This exquisite 1930s lace dress is for sale at www.figure8studio.com :



These vintage 50s shoes, being sold by Ebay seller WVATumbleweed, would be excellent with a black sheath, and even though they are vintage, they are a size NINE! And made of black mesh and fabric with kitten heels:



http://cgi.ebay.com/Sassy-Spring-vintage-Blk-mesh-50s-kitten-heels-shoes-9_W0QQitemZ300085121228QQihZ020QQcategoryZ74980QQtcZphotoQQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

For those who like simplicity with style (and who doesn't?) Ebay seller freshbloominclothing has this black sequined stunner, in a marvelous size 18, quite in the spirit of Jennifer Hudson (sans strange reptile jacket):



Fresh Bloomin Clothing


And speaking of style, it is hard to top this incredible silk Ceil Chapman dress, offered on Ebay by Dorotheascloset. It has an amazing draped bustline, with swags that go below the hemline in the front, and is a size Medium to Large. This would have looked so much prettier on Jessica Biel than that awful neon thing she wore:



Dorotheas Closet

Couldn't you just ROLL in that purple? (I know Bucky would like to.) There were many strapless dresses at the Academy Awards, including Patricia Fields (gack). However, for those that did not care for Jennifer's Hudson's brown dress, here is a Mike Benet vintage chiffon masterpiece, up for auction by flashbak58, with a 40 inch bust:


Flashback 58 Bombshell Frocks

Another dazzling confection is this grand 60s vintage ballgown, being sold by my dear friend and mentor, andapanda-rlf (yes, I know it's a strange name, but it has some inner meaning). It is in heavy satin, with a deep V-back topped with a bow and a bustle. Perfect for the Red Carpet!




andapanda's Vintage Clothing

Most fashion shows finish with a bridal gown, but this is MY fashion show, dahlings. So instead, to finish with a flourish, this is a simply stunning Emma Domb column gown. From the front it is a simple wool crepe Audrey Hepburn-style dress (although with a 38 inch bust poor Audrey would have drowned in it--but at least the high front neckline would have concealed her collarbones!). But in the back are two long columns, sewn on the outside so that they sail outward when you walk! Another Red Carpet moment! For sale by my dear, dear friend Maureen at www.vintagegrace.com:




I'll be back with more of my own pretties in a day or two. In the meantime, I'm going to tell my assistant that if Chris calls, I'm busy. A girl needs her beauty sleep, after all.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog