Monday, December 10, 2007

"Project Runway" Commits CRIMES AGAINST FASHION!


What can I say? My heart is broken. Project Runway has auf’d darling cuddly teddy bear Chris! CHRRRRISSS! Oh, dear, I am quite emotional. He was the only designer I could imagine spending any “face time” with, as they say. So sweet and so creative. Now we’re stuck with Hairthing, Spitting Earth Goddess and Sweet Trailer Trash. Ugh.

Yes, I know his dress was a bit dated, but I love drama in fashion.

Perhaps his teammates should have talked him out of the "Joan Crawford" shoulderpads. Oh, dear. The challenge was "outdated trends." As a vintage seller, I have to constantly watch fashion of the past being disparaged on clothing reality shows, but I have to admit many of the trends were thankfully out of date. But...

There has been so little imagination this season that I have had to switch from chamomile tea to a double espresso by Runway time, lest I have a fit of narcolepsy. Bucky doesn’t care, he’s curled in my lap while I sit in front of my plasma television.

And so many of the outfits were CRIMES against fashion! Poodle skirt? That is NOT a poodle skirt! Anyone with the faintest knowledge of fashion knows a poodle skirt is a simple circle skirt…and it usually has a POODLE on it! Couldn’t they have thought of some clever twist on that? What would Karl Lagerfeld have done? Instead, we were given that ridiculous square-dancing outfit, straight out of the glory days of Hee-Haw.

One waited for a couple of rubes to pop out from a haystack and crack a dirty joke in an Appalachian accent. At least Team Hairthing’s dress had some flair and was decently constructed. (It kills me to admit it.)

The drab colors! The lack of imagination! Even Heidi the Hun failed to get much of a rise out of me during this episode. And Victorya...if she was working for me, you know she would have been slapped into the middle of next month. NO ONE talks to me that way. But what do you expect of Ricky? The man has a stick of chewing gum where his backbone should be.

I can only hope this week’s episode is more interesting. Until then, I shall be in deep mourning for the loss of Chris. My dainty wisp of chiffon is trimmed with black marabou in his honor. Chris, we hardly knew ye…

Elisa & Bucky The Wonderdog

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