Friday, December 21, 2007

Project Runway: Could Someone Slap Elisa Jimenez?

Dahlings –

Deepest apologies, once again, for taking so long to get back to you, but I was whisked to fabulous PALM BEACH by a famous male celebrity for an early Christmas celebration. We stayed at the historic Breakers, but barely saw the sun, if you know what I mean. SUCH a divine change from frigid, dark Manhattan! But now I am back to the workaday world, and that means YOU.

Last week's episode, which I had Tivo'd, was by FAR the best episode of Project Runway so far this season. I know, that is not saying much. This season has been a yawn, except for Ricky’s crying and the strange close-ups of Donna Karan’s face on the previous episode. (I expect to see it on the site Awful Plastic Surgery. Her face looked like a strangely smooth potato.)

Here's an idea: having a drink every time Ricky cries would make a wonderful drinking game with your friends during Project Runway viewing parties.

I applaud the women for losing weight (although I am in favor of plus sizes). And it was certainly refreshing to see real women on the runway instead of those awful amateur models clumping awkwardly up and down.

While I was sorry to see Jack leave, my darling adorable cuddly CHRIS MARCH is back! One must confess, tears came to my eyes when they read the note he left in the workroom. Tears also came to my eyes when I saw his outfit…can’t he GET it about the costume problem? But they let him stay, that is the important part.

Elisa should be have been smacked into next week for that HIDEOUS outfit! You could not have more masterfully designed a dress made to look a heavy woman look stumpier, lumpier and wider than Tracy actually is! A big belt on a thick waist, an 80s style jacket with short sleeves, all the proportions disastrous! Bad enough Spitting Earth Goddess probably had saliva dripping all over that costume, but then to put BOOTS on her client's lovely slim legs, Tracy's best asset, for the finishing touch! One fantasizes that Elisa was “auf’d” and then a gang of heavy female bikers beat her up in the alley outside of Parsons.

Victorya (I cannot write that name without hearing the old Kinks song) designed a dress that was almost as boring as Steven’s. Working with green velvet on a handsome redhead, she might have come up with something a little less…sleep-inducing. I am still having fits of narcolepsy. I did notice what short shrift the less dramatic and well-made designs got, whipping by within seconds.

But Steven…what a catastrophic disappointment. When Tim Gunn questioned him in the fabric store about buying miles of BLACK stretch fabric, I knew Mr. Dimples's doom was sealed. Yes, the wedding dress was an atrocity, but one goes with the flow in that case! Mesh! Pearls! Lace!

Imagine what CHRIS would have done with it—or even little Hairthing! Actually, I would have loved to see what Hairthing would have done with it. How would he have made one of his exactly alike tailored little jackets with it? Boggles the imagination, doesn't it?

Not to begrudge Christian's win, I felt Kevin should have won for that super-sexy bustier.

Contrary to popular opinion, real women over the age of twenty look marvelous in strapless things, and Elyse, his client, worked it. She looked so divinely happy as she came down the runway! As did Rami’s client (who was on for about a nanosecond). Could someone tell me what on earth was going on with Heidi Klum's bangs? Did they keep tangling with her false eyelashes? And what was that white powder on her calf during the judging? Could she have spilled her cocaine prior to filming?

Besides the return of Chris, my favorite moment was Tim Gunn's confession that he'd made more bad decisions at 3 in the morning than he could list! Like Steven, I wanted names!

As for Jack, he seems to be quite all right, as this hilarious video that he posted to YouTube proves:

Who knew the man could dance? And what a body!

Now I've discovered that the show is on hiatus until January 2nd, the slackers.

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog


Kathy said...

Apparently the boots belonged to Elisa's model - she wanted to wear them, not realizing they, in combination with the dress, made her stumpy.

Hoardmeister said...

Kathy, dahling, Elisa should have pointed out the fashion faux pas. Not that it matters, now that Elisa has been auf'd!

cory said...

Elisa, as crazy or kooky as one might think she is, although you MAY BE right… MAYBE… she is a beautiful florescent light in this world. A light that is so unique it is often misunderstood. although often misunderstood, her light continues to shine brighter and brighter because it is all this “light” knows to do!

Quite a while before Elisas tragic accident of her own, she was just as amazingly wonderful as she seems today. I am sure she was changed by what happened in London, several years ago… but there are some things that are real. there are things that can not be learned regardless of what happens to you in life; heartbreak, lost loved one, accident, personal illness. She is special and personal as her art… from her fashion designs and fine art work to the tattoo on her wrist.

5-6 years ago Elisa and I became friends via a relationship she explored with a best friend of mine. our meeting was several years after I had a very difficult situation of my own. I had gotten Leukemia at the age of 21. My best friend Bill was always there for me. He always knew just the right time to visit, when I needed his humor most. Once I started to be revitalized… given a new birth, a second chance, as things begin to go back to normal (as much as one can) friendships begin to go back to “normal”. By this I mean that I’d see Bill when we could, as my schedule or his schedule permitted, rather than ‘this is a must because who knows what might happen’. Elisa wouldn’t let that happen. she continued to encourage my dear friend to make time, set aside special time to be with me. Not because of what HAD TO because of what happened but because who knows what COULD happen… and this was a chance to not take any part of our friendship for granted. Elisa went out of her way to set aside time for all three of us to get together… probably once a week or so, in hopes of both bill AND I seeing how important this was for he and I. Over this time, I got to know Elisa well, a loving, caring, open heart and open soul. She is a mother first and many things may run a close second, nothing will ever surpass.

I was exposed to fascists of Elisas life, including a very incredible unique 24 hours with Elisa and her good friend/client, Courtny Love, during a 24 marathon at MTV. this was the first time I had seen her “at work”. I too thought she was a little left of center. I was right and that was just perfect. strips of fabric being thrown everywhere, fishing wire holding pieces of velvet over a shoulder and I am sure a spit mark or two… creating something perfect. sculpted to Courtny Loves body. All I could think is how excited I was to get back to my television acting career so Elisa could dress me for my first benefit or awards show.

I have since left NY and returned to my hometown as well, Cincinnati Ohio, also exploring other facets of my artistic ability. I have lost touch with Elisa. However, I continue to hold a special place in my heart for her. I am proud to have known her. Proud to say that she was portrayed just as she is, a soul who’s world, as far away as some might think that is, is a gift to OUR world.

Elisa is a talent that will go unchanged except to grown and continue to learn, staying true to herself and her vision for both her clients, her loved ones and herself.

I miss that light, that smile… that vision.

Elisa will be JUST FINE!


Hoardmeister said...

Thank you, dahling, for your insightful comments on Elisa Jimenez. Courtney Love?? At first I thought that was why you wrote "fascists" in her life, Ms. Love is well known for her temper, but then I realized you meant "facets." Best of luck in your future endeavors.