I can barely catch my breath, and my damned assistant keeps collapsing on me--
DRINK THAT COFFEE! IT'S HAWAIIAN KONA, AND THE MAID PUT SOME DEXEDRINE IN IT! THAT OUGHT TO PERK YOU UP!
Pardonnez moi for that outburst. Holiday pressure and all that. I have been doing my best to treat the help better, but it is such a strain on my delicate nervous system.
Last week's episode was absolutely priceless, wasn't it? One wonders what sadist on the staff of “PR” thought of last week’s challenge, knowing beforehand that none of the designers, save Kevin (I AM STRAIGHT, DAMMIT) Christiana would be up to it. Frankly, I do not think that Heidi the Hun is smart enough to have thought it up...your faithful correspondent's guess is that someone on the writing staff is out for blood.
I can picture it now: the writers, disheveled messes in cheap Old Navy rags, gloating and saying things like, "Picture it! Those fancy-pants bastards losing their shit all over the place! Fuck 'em! I would have gone to a real writing program at Harvard if my dad had any money!"
Carmen's outfit was truly, as the saying goes, "a hot mess."
After her phony crying the week before, I was glad to see her go. Honestly, if a man tells you his least favorite feature is his "butt", do you then design an outfit that highlights it? And that bizarre pale blue scarf/shirt substitute...words fail one. At least Carmen left with her chin held high and her dignity intact (in her own estimation, if not anyone else's).
Menswear is not really my area of expertise, but one could tell most of the outfits were disastrous, some more than others. Sweet P...well, it's a tad difficult for me to get past her tattoos and tank tops, I keep thinking about hot days in Florida and trailers...
But she tried. And Tiki Barber is hardly the most inspiring creature on the planet. (Can someone tell me, is he named after a tropical bar?) Now, if they'd had to design for Prince, that would have been interesting. The winning design was so dull, but Jack is pretty to look at, much more so than most of the females. And I am so glad Chris is still in the competition, he is such a lovely teddy bear.
The most bizarre moment for me was when Heidi Klum laughed at Barber's comment about his rear end. I had no idea that she could laugh--it was so disconcertingly, um, human of her. The programmers must have put a different chip in her prior to the episode.
My next post will be about all of the wonderful Christmas baubles in my stores, and a VERY SPECIAl appearance by yours truly! Until then, mes amis!
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog