Monday, November 26, 2007

Heidi Klum, The Terror of Fashion, Is Back!

DAHLINGS –

I am “covered in shame” that I have not been here for all of you these last weeks. What with the flu, holiday celebrations, parties, parties, parties, I have barely had time in between changing wisps of chiffon to THINK!

My biggest regret is that I have not had time to address the return of that Plague of Fashion. No, not Project Runway itself, but that neo-Nazi cyborg Heidi Klum. Right from the beginning of Episode One, she had obviously been champing at the bit to tear out the jugulars of a crop of inexperienced beginners. No amount of photographs in the tabloids of Klum and “her” children (the lady is allowed to be alone with the young?) will convince me she has a beating human heart. The woman reminds me of nothing so much as one of those killer canines in “Resident Evil 2004.” (Not that I would ever watch such a piece of ordure, but one of my beach house guests insisted on ordering it from Netflix this past summer.)

This woman is allowed to be a judge of fashion?




As for the designers, Christian makes (ugh) Neckthing looks almost human. Hair in a Mixmaster, anyone?

I must confess a great liking for Chris. Any man who designs for “Beach Blanket Babylon” is a man I’d like to have a cocktail with.

The designers were asked to design a dress that showed who they were. Well, at showtime, a pronounced lack of personality came strutting down the runway. All of the designs were…uninspired. That is the only word, alas.

Baby doll silhouettes, over and over, with little pieces of torn fabric, with mismatched jackets, with pieces of red material stuck on them. If only Elisa had left the Train of Shame off the fluid blue dress; it tripped her model and resembled dragon diarrhea. (Assuming the dragon had eaten several Hawaiian pizzas.) When time came to eliminate the first designer, Heidi the Hun was practically drooling. I hoped Victorya would be eliminated, if only for spelling her name Victorya. And her design—little black dreck is the only phrase that fits. Instead, Simone got the boot. Yes, her design was a mishmash, and somebody has to be the first.

And for purely personal reasons, it gave me a chuckle. But that, my dear readers, is for me to know only.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Are u bloody daft? 1st of all you can't write a blog, so don't try it.. and the whole definition of neo-nazism is wasted on heidi klum. She's married a black man(I don't care about the damn reasons), some neo-nazism huh!
Mean to designers?? Well all those irritating metrosexuals deserve it.. They are morons who've chosen to make a mockery of themselves in front of dim wits like you, by choosing to appear on "Reality TV"...

Hoardmeister said...

Dahlings, you may wonder why I did not reject this comment, as I might have. It is because I believe that even humorless illiterates have the right to self-expression. And if it were not for the Internet, they might waste away in their mother's basements unheard.

WendyB said...

Anon is really special, isn't s/he!

Hoardmeister said...

Yes, as in special education, I believe. But not to belabor the point. I watched the Tiki Barber episode last night and have not even WRITTEN about the SJP episode yet, and she personally makes my scented soaps, so must dash!

Anonymous said...

wow this whole blog is really shallow. do you have nothing better to do than sit and write about other people? wake up and smell the roses love, there's bigger and better things out there.

Hoardmeister said...

Yes, dahling, I revel in my shallowness. And unlike most, I publish under my name. Wake up and smell the perfume, roses have no fragrance anymore. In case you hadn't noticed.