Monday, September 24, 2007

Such A Relief to Order People Around Again!

DAHLINGS -


Pardonnez moi once again for not having posted recently, but I had to hire a maid and a new personal assistant! Exhausting, I tell you. Checking mountains of references, having my detectives send the videos to my Blackberry, making sure all of the apartment Hide-A-Cams are in place--

Not to mention, shall we say, "arranging" to have my former assistant--well, what is the word I want? Silenced? Yes, I believe silenced is the safest choice.

After all, she did resign without notice during Fashion Week Spring 2008.

Now do not leap to conclusions--she's not dead, just a tad, well, shaken up.

My new assistant is easily intimidated, and that makes things so much smoother. And there are several new riders on the confidentiality agreement. My new maid is not only childless, but unmarried, so there should be nothing that prevents her from fulfilling my merest whim day or night.

GUADALUPE! GET IN HERE! I NEED A CUP OF CHAMOMILE TEA, AND I NEED IT NOW!

Ahem. What was I saying? Oh, dear, my assistant jumped a bit when I called to the maid.

It's all right, dear, I won't hurt you. If you behave. Just keep typing until I tell you to stop. And remember, don't get your face too close to Bucky's mouth. He's adorable, but those teeth are razor sharp and he has, as the television hosts say, "issues" about anyone but moi being too close to him.

Ah, I must tell you, my faithful readers, this is sheer bliss. I feel like Anna Wintour.

Ciao,
Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

It's all right, dear, you can stop typing now. No, really, NOW. I mean NOW. STOP TYPING! WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU, YOU IDIOT? DO I HAVE TO PULL YOUR HANDS OFF THE KEY--

2 comments:

Viviene said...

My dear dear Fashionista would it not be easier to be a tad easier on the help so you could keep them a little bit longer than a week. Really darling, so much angst all the time really isn't good for you.

Hoardmeister said...

Perhaps you are right, dahling Viviene. My nerves have been a bit frayed of late, what with having to eat take-out so much of the time.