Saturday, March 10, 2007

POINTLESS REBELLION Opens--Words Fail Me!

Dahlings –

As promised, I was there for the opening of my doppelganger’s show, POINTLESS REBELLION, playing through March 16th at the Red Room theater.

Thank GOD there is a bar on the floor below! I had a stiff drink and marched upstairs to the tiny 30-seat theater. I was going to sit in the front row, the better to unsettle the upstart. But then reason prevailed and I sat in the back. (I had heard that she occasionally involves the audience in her low-class shenanigans.)

What can I tell you? I was shocked, SHOCKED by what I saw and heard! The woman sells used shoes on Ebay, and has the gall to brag about it! She dressed like a man and said obscene things to women in the audience. (I was again grateful for my instinct to sit in the back.) And when she talked about her father…I never knew my father, as my readers know, but if I did, I think I should have a little more respect. Hmmmph.

The audience around me was laughing and thoroughly enjoying itself, which only compounded my fury. Are these the sort of people who watch “Blue Collar Comedy” on television?

Because of something called “Frigid Time” (to do with the performance schedule), we were quickly shooed out of the theater after the performance, to make way for the next show. I waited in the bar downstairs, choosing my words carefully. I was going to tear into this nonentity, this minion, this person that dares use MY name…

But she never appeared. I believe the cowardly wench disappeared down the back stairs! I demanded of the venue manager, “Where did she go?” but all I got was a blank look and a request for my ticket. I arranged my furs around me and stormed back down the stairs. I intend to send an injunction against using MY name in connection with any of her—ughartistic endeavors.

If this sort of lurid spectacle amuses you, you can find out more information at www.frigidfest.com. I am off to bed...my head is aching ferociously. Quel scandale!

Ciao,
Elisa and Bucky the Wonderdog

2 comments:

Shaz said...

I checked out www.frigidfest.com & my cervix smiled . . . chow x x x

Hoardmeister said...

I am shuddering at your imagery, dahling!