Monday, December 31, 2007



Happy New Year! That's all I really wish to say to you. (I snuck out of my party to my office to write this.) May the New Year bring you health, prosperity, and happiness. I don't believe in making resolutions, because honestly, who wants the pressure?

Yes, I've had several bottles of ludicrously expensive champagne (that mellows a girl a bit). Be that as it may:

Nouvelle Année Heureuse!
Elisa and Bucky The Wonderdog!

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

The Love Of A Dog On Christmas...


As you all are aware, I lead a madly glamorous life, dashing from one soignee event to the next. However, I always come home (if not always alone) to my wonderful dog, Bucky, my 13 pound miniature pinscher. And every year, that is my true Christmas gift.

Except for the year I stupidly gave him away. (Look it up.)

At night he curls up in his handmade artisanal dog bed. But come morning, I find Bucky snuggled under the embroidered down coverlet next to me, black nose buried in my silk nightgown. And firmly wedged between me and any male companion that might be there. Needless to say, the men come and go, but Bucky stays. And sits. And rolls over.

This Christmas, I opened a mountain of gifts. But once the paper was thrown into the fireplace (my personal favorite part of Christmas morning and a perennial family tradition), the gifts stacked in place, the uglier gifts regifted to the maid, there was, in the middle of the living room floor, among the mink coats and the diamond necklaces...

Bucky. Wagging his tail and wearing his new green and red Christmas sweater (my apologies for not having a picture). Shredding what was left of the Christmas wrappings. A happier dog you could not imagine, although I had sustained minor injuries getting the sweater on him. My heart filled with love, and I exclaimed aloud:

"Merry Christmas to all--especially me--and to all a good night!"

And I gathered my wiggling little darling into my arms and gave him a Christmas kiss!

One hopes the bandages come off in time for New Year's. It's just a minor flesh wound.

Elisa and Bucky the Wonderdog

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Come See Moi on BROADWAY in January!


SAVE THE DATE! As promised, you will be seeing moi, live and on stage, at the Broadway Comedy Club next month! I know how desperately so many of my readers want to see me in the creamy, lubricious flesh!
Here are a few of the pertinent details to whet your palate:

The Three Tomatoes

Broadway Comedy Night
January 17, 2008
Eat, drink, and be merry for absolutely
no good reason at all.
Portion of proceeds goes to ComedyCures®
Date : January 17, 2008

Time: 6 to 9 PM (followed by VIP after-party for those who purchase VIP Tickets.)

The Broadway Comedy Club
318 West 53rd Street, (between 8th & 9th Ave.) New York City

Food and libations:
• Sandwich bar catered by the world famous Carnegie Deli, featuring the best pastrami anywhere, and their signature cheese cake.
• Plus, unlimited wine, beer, and a special 3T martini (but of course.)

Entertainment: Media personality Valerie Smaldone, a six time Billboard Magazine Award winner, mid-day host of 106.7 Lite-FM and producer of our event, will also be our event host which will feature three fabulous comedians:

• Our comedy show emcee is Elisa DeCarlo, THE MAD FASHIONISTA, the second-most feared woman in fashion (after Anna Wintour, her personal idol). She is a plus-size New York City diva whose religion is couture and whose nightmare is Forever 21. Please address her as "Miss DeCarlo" or you will get hurt.
The lineup will also include two comics handpicked just for The Three Tomatoes, by The Broadway Comedy Club, whose visiting comics have appeared on Letterman, The Tonight Show, Saturday Night Live, Mad TV, Conan O'Brien, HBO, Showtime, Comedy Central, and BET.

Frankly, dahlings, I'm not wild about being called a comedian, because Fashion is Serious Business. However, who am I to deprive the masses of the pleasure of being in my presence over mere terminology?

As an additional bonus, I will selling some of my finest vintage jewelry, including 14kt gold rings set with genuine pearls, designer silver brooches, and of course the finest in costume jewelry and vintage accessories. A portion of the proceeds will also go to ComedyCures, and Ms. Smaldone will make certain of that.

For more details, please click on this link, dahlings:

See you there!


Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Friday, December 21, 2007

Project Runway: Could Someone Slap Elisa Jimenez?

Dahlings –

Deepest apologies, once again, for taking so long to get back to you, but I was whisked to fabulous PALM BEACH by a famous male celebrity for an early Christmas celebration. We stayed at the historic Breakers, but barely saw the sun, if you know what I mean. SUCH a divine change from frigid, dark Manhattan! But now I am back to the workaday world, and that means YOU.

Last week's episode, which I had Tivo'd, was by FAR the best episode of Project Runway so far this season. I know, that is not saying much. This season has been a yawn, except for Ricky’s crying and the strange close-ups of Donna Karan’s face on the previous episode. (I expect to see it on the site Awful Plastic Surgery. Her face looked like a strangely smooth potato.)

Here's an idea: having a drink every time Ricky cries would make a wonderful drinking game with your friends during Project Runway viewing parties.

I applaud the women for losing weight (although I am in favor of plus sizes). And it was certainly refreshing to see real women on the runway instead of those awful amateur models clumping awkwardly up and down.

While I was sorry to see Jack leave, my darling adorable cuddly CHRIS MARCH is back! One must confess, tears came to my eyes when they read the note he left in the workroom. Tears also came to my eyes when I saw his outfit…can’t he GET it about the costume problem? But they let him stay, that is the important part.

Elisa should be have been smacked into next week for that HIDEOUS outfit! You could not have more masterfully designed a dress made to look a heavy woman look stumpier, lumpier and wider than Tracy actually is! A big belt on a thick waist, an 80s style jacket with short sleeves, all the proportions disastrous! Bad enough Spitting Earth Goddess probably had saliva dripping all over that costume, but then to put BOOTS on her client's lovely slim legs, Tracy's best asset, for the finishing touch! One fantasizes that Elisa was “auf’d” and then a gang of heavy female bikers beat her up in the alley outside of Parsons.

Victorya (I cannot write that name without hearing the old Kinks song) designed a dress that was almost as boring as Steven’s. Working with green velvet on a handsome redhead, she might have come up with something a little less…sleep-inducing. I am still having fits of narcolepsy. I did notice what short shrift the less dramatic and well-made designs got, whipping by within seconds.

But Steven…what a catastrophic disappointment. When Tim Gunn questioned him in the fabric store about buying miles of BLACK stretch fabric, I knew Mr. Dimples's doom was sealed. Yes, the wedding dress was an atrocity, but one goes with the flow in that case! Mesh! Pearls! Lace!

Imagine what CHRIS would have done with it—or even little Hairthing! Actually, I would have loved to see what Hairthing would have done with it. How would he have made one of his exactly alike tailored little jackets with it? Boggles the imagination, doesn't it?

Not to begrudge Christian's win, I felt Kevin should have won for that super-sexy bustier.

Contrary to popular opinion, real women over the age of twenty look marvelous in strapless things, and Elyse, his client, worked it. She looked so divinely happy as she came down the runway! As did Rami’s client (who was on for about a nanosecond). Could someone tell me what on earth was going on with Heidi Klum's bangs? Did they keep tangling with her false eyelashes? And what was that white powder on her calf during the judging? Could she have spilled her cocaine prior to filming?

Besides the return of Chris, my favorite moment was Tim Gunn's confession that he'd made more bad decisions at 3 in the morning than he could list! Like Steven, I wanted names!

As for Jack, he seems to be quite all right, as this hilarious video that he posted to YouTube proves:

Who knew the man could dance? And what a body!

Now I've discovered that the show is on hiatus until January 2nd, the slackers.

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Monday, December 10, 2007

"Project Runway" Commits CRIMES AGAINST FASHION!


What can I say? My heart is broken. Project Runway has auf’d darling cuddly teddy bear Chris! CHRRRRISSS! Oh, dear, I am quite emotional. He was the only designer I could imagine spending any “face time” with, as they say. So sweet and so creative. Now we’re stuck with Hairthing, Spitting Earth Goddess and Sweet Trailer Trash. Ugh.

Yes, I know his dress was a bit dated, but I love drama in fashion.

Perhaps his teammates should have talked him out of the "Joan Crawford" shoulderpads. Oh, dear. The challenge was "outdated trends." As a vintage seller, I have to constantly watch fashion of the past being disparaged on clothing reality shows, but I have to admit many of the trends were thankfully out of date. But...

There has been so little imagination this season that I have had to switch from chamomile tea to a double espresso by Runway time, lest I have a fit of narcolepsy. Bucky doesn’t care, he’s curled in my lap while I sit in front of my plasma television.

And so many of the outfits were CRIMES against fashion! Poodle skirt? That is NOT a poodle skirt! Anyone with the faintest knowledge of fashion knows a poodle skirt is a simple circle skirt…and it usually has a POODLE on it! Couldn’t they have thought of some clever twist on that? What would Karl Lagerfeld have done? Instead, we were given that ridiculous square-dancing outfit, straight out of the glory days of Hee-Haw.

One waited for a couple of rubes to pop out from a haystack and crack a dirty joke in an Appalachian accent. At least Team Hairthing’s dress had some flair and was decently constructed. (It kills me to admit it.)

The drab colors! The lack of imagination! Even Heidi the Hun failed to get much of a rise out of me during this episode. And Victorya...if she was working for me, you know she would have been slapped into the middle of next month. NO ONE talks to me that way. But what do you expect of Ricky? The man has a stick of chewing gum where his backbone should be.

I can only hope this week’s episode is more interesting. Until then, I shall be in deep mourning for the loss of Chris. My dainty wisp of chiffon is trimmed with black marabou in his honor. Chris, we hardly knew ye…

Elisa & Bucky The Wonderdog

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Plus Size Party Dresses and the ASPCA, Dahlings!


I've realized I have sorely neglected those of my larger sisters in bosomhood by not listing much above a size 24. To make up for it, I am MADLY listing beautiful things in sizes 8X, 9X, and 10X! For instance, an assortment of beautiful satin robes in sizes 8X/9X (that is what the size label reads) for the truly sensuous female, in gold, royal blue and lipstick red satin:

Except for this one robe, all are New In The Package and would make wonderful gifts (hint, hint).

And listed, this sultry red satin slip dress, size 8X:

And soon to come, tops, evening jackets, and more! And don't forget, jewelry is one size fits all!

CHARITY ALERT: At (ugh) Ebay, I have signed up to donate part of the proceeds for some of my marvelous merchandise to the American Society For The Prevention of Cruelty To Animals. Bucky suggested it, of course. Hard to resist those big pleading brown eyes!

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Christmas At The Bodacious House of Style!


It's that time of year again...fighting the holiday crowds, only to find out that the "hot" gadget you intended to purchase for your child/spouse/mistress/pet is sold out and on backorder until February. Why waste your time with gifts anyone can give (assuming they can find them)? And why on EARTH waste your "face time" in clothes that anyone else could be wearing? Hasn't that happened to Laura Bush on several occasions?

That is why the most sensible solution, insensé enfants, is to shop with moi. At both of my locations you will find the most unusual things, accent on the unusual.

For instance, shortly to be listed, these size 11 woman's black pleather platform heel boots, size 11:

(Don't ask. They're from a part of my past I prefer not to talk about.) And these simply charming porcelain floral earrings and brooch set by Royal Doulton:

And for the trendy woman, here is one of several silver and gold metallic purses I have at the House of Style:

Turning to fashion, you will be the belle of the ball (or at least, the queen of the barbeque) in this slinky wool number trimmed with red Ultrasuede, size XXL:

For the more classically minded, there is this elegant creation by Parnes-Feinstein, also size XXL:

Turning to Bodaciously Yours Vintage, take a look at this wonderfully Mod wool suit made in London by Alexon:


Not to mention this rich blue wool boucle' double-breasted 60s vintage coat with novelty buttons:


As you can see, there is an absolute UNIVERSE of ideas! And much more to come!

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Catching Up With Project Runway, and Christmas!


I can barely catch my breath, and my damned assistant keeps collapsing on me--


Pardonnez moi for that outburst. Holiday pressure and all that. I have been doing my best to treat the help better, but it is such a strain on my delicate nervous system.

Last week's episode was absolutely priceless, wasn't it? One wonders what sadist on the staff of “PR” thought of last week’s challenge, knowing beforehand that none of the designers, save Kevin (I AM STRAIGHT, DAMMIT) Christiana would be up to it. Frankly, I do not think that Heidi the Hun is smart enough to have thought it up...your faithful correspondent's guess is that someone on the writing staff is out for blood.

I can picture it now: the writers, disheveled messes in cheap Old Navy rags, gloating and saying things like, "Picture it! Those fancy-pants bastards losing their shit all over the place! Fuck 'em! I would have gone to a real writing program at Harvard if my dad had any money!"

Carmen's outfit was truly, as the saying goes, "a hot mess."

After her phony crying the week before, I was glad to see her go. Honestly, if a man tells you his least favorite feature is his "butt", do you then design an outfit that highlights it? And that bizarre pale blue scarf/shirt substitute...words fail one. At least Carmen left with her chin held high and her dignity intact (in her own estimation, if not anyone else's).

Menswear is not really my area of expertise, but one could tell most of the outfits were disastrous, some more than others. Sweet P...well, it's a tad difficult for me to get past her tattoos and tank tops, I keep thinking about hot days in Florida and trailers...

But she tried. And Tiki Barber is hardly the most inspiring creature on the planet. (Can someone tell me, is he named after a tropical bar?) Now, if they'd had to design for Prince, that would have been interesting. The winning design was so dull, but Jack is pretty to look at, much more so than most of the females. And I am so glad Chris is still in the competition, he is such a lovely teddy bear.

The most bizarre moment for me was when Heidi Klum laughed at Barber's comment about his rear end. I had no idea that she could laugh--it was so disconcertingly, um, human of her. The programmers must have put a different chip in her prior to the episode.

My next post will be about all of the wonderful Christmas baubles in my stores, and a VERY SPECIAl appearance by yours truly! Until then, mes amis!

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Friday, November 30, 2007

Project Runway & My Dear Friend Sarah Jessica Parker


After that simply ludicrous phony crying on Episode Two of Project Runway, I was glad to see that kissing-up baggage Carmen sent packing, pardon the pun. Telling my dear little friend Sarah Jessica Parker: “That's Carmen like the opera and Webber like the baller!”…how unpardonably gauche.

Speaking of my dear little friend Sarah Jessica Parker, wasn’t she ever so sweet, and such a contrast in every way to Heidi the Hun? Short and tall, sweet and sour, human and cyborg.

It pained Sarah to speak ill of any of the designs, no matter how misconceived. Watching her meet with each designer, I felt her pain. Perhaps that’s why SJP named her new line Bitten. Having to speak to Elisa and Christian in person would, in my estimation, be quite a hideous experience. I can only hope that the Bravo staff had gallons of honeybucket tea for dear Ms. Parker.

And how delightful is that Bitten, despite its name, carries plus sizes, unlike so many other designer labels? (Yes, I’m talking to you, Gwen Stefani!) The dress that Marion and…the other fellow…designed was an absolute mess, stretching to meet the floor even while it was being critiqued before poor Marion was given the stormtrooper’s boot. Yes, I know Ricky cries at the drop of a hat (my apologies for tonight's entry being riddled with puns), but Marion has seemed so hangdog right from the start. He looked absolutely right to be cast as Oliver Twist in "Oliver!"

And what does it say about the quality of the designs that I have absolutely no memory of which outfit won? (Before anyone points the accusing finger, I was sipping delicately on a cup of chamomile while watching.)

More later, dahlings -

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Monday, November 26, 2007

Heidi Klum, The Terror of Fashion, Is Back!


I am “covered in shame” that I have not been here for all of you these last weeks. What with the flu, holiday celebrations, parties, parties, parties, I have barely had time in between changing wisps of chiffon to THINK!

My biggest regret is that I have not had time to address the return of that Plague of Fashion. No, not Project Runway itself, but that neo-Nazi cyborg Heidi Klum. Right from the beginning of Episode One, she had obviously been champing at the bit to tear out the jugulars of a crop of inexperienced beginners. No amount of photographs in the tabloids of Klum and “her” children (the lady is allowed to be alone with the young?) will convince me she has a beating human heart. The woman reminds me of nothing so much as one of those killer canines in “Resident Evil 2004.” (Not that I would ever watch such a piece of ordure, but one of my beach house guests insisted on ordering it from Netflix this past summer.)

This woman is allowed to be a judge of fashion?

As for the designers, Christian makes (ugh) Neckthing looks almost human. Hair in a Mixmaster, anyone?

I must confess a great liking for Chris. Any man who designs for “Beach Blanket Babylon” is a man I’d like to have a cocktail with.

The designers were asked to design a dress that showed who they were. Well, at showtime, a pronounced lack of personality came strutting down the runway. All of the designs were…uninspired. That is the only word, alas.

Baby doll silhouettes, over and over, with little pieces of torn fabric, with mismatched jackets, with pieces of red material stuck on them. If only Elisa had left the Train of Shame off the fluid blue dress; it tripped her model and resembled dragon diarrhea. (Assuming the dragon had eaten several Hawaiian pizzas.) When time came to eliminate the first designer, Heidi the Hun was practically drooling. I hoped Victorya would be eliminated, if only for spelling her name Victorya. And her design—little black dreck is the only phrase that fits. Instead, Simone got the boot. Yes, her design was a mishmash, and somebody has to be the first.

And for purely personal reasons, it gave me a chuckle. But that, my dear readers, is for me to know only.

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving, Dahlings!


I simply wanted to wish all of my darling readers a happy Thanksgiving. May it be filled with your favorite food, drink, and people. And as few of your blood relations as humanly possible. Bucky joins me in saying Heureux Thanksgiving.

More escort is waiting!

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Friday, November 16, 2007

Bodaciously Yours Vintage On She's A Betty!


I was about to write a rant about the return of "Project Runway," but then I was diverted--I simply could not be more delighted! It is time once again to break out the Krug! My beautiful sheer silk black Ungaro dress is featured on She's A Betty, selected by one of the moderators of Specialist Auctions! The link is here:

for November 16, 2007. (There is also a dress on the bottom left from my dear friend Viviene of Born Too Late Vintage.)

This exquisite dress is labeled a size 14 US, but it will fit a size 16 easily, and is perfect worn over a frilly slip or even as an overdress!

It has a bib front with pintucks, and buttons all the way up.

Speaking of breaking out the Krug, your faithful correspondent shall be making a rare live appearance on January 17 here in the most glorious city in the world! Stay tuned for details...I know that you are simply slavering at the thought!


Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Sunday, November 11, 2007

An Interview with Nadine Haobsh, Author of "Beauty Confidential" - Olay!


Pardon the execrable pun in the title, but I could not resist.

Quite often, your faithful correspodent is sent begging emails by publicists needing to flog product. For the most part, they are badly written novels with plots apparently taken from "How to Be A Successful Chick-Lit Writer."

To those, I say a firm non. However, sometimes a book will interest moi enough to actually read it (and not just the press release and back cover).

Today we are interviewing Nadine Haobsh, a former beauty editor and author of the blog “Jolie in New York.” At the tender age of twenty-five, Ms. Haobsh has written “Beauty Confidential,” which is both a product guide and a look at the workings of the beauty industry.

The book contains a wealth of helpful information from an industry insider. For instance, the explanations of hairdressing terms are simply essential. Even though I have naturally blonde flowing locks, I have oft wondered exactly what the difference between “ash” and “gold” was.

And it was my dear dead friend Lana Turner who first told her daughter, Cheryl Crane, her indispensable beauty secret: “I wash all of my makeup off every night…even when I am so drunk I have to hold on the sink.” I was delighted to see this tip passed on to the current generation. I may be the possessor of naturally creamy skin, rosy lips and thick lashes, but for those less fortunate, this book will indeed be a help.

Ms. Haobsh took a few minutes from her hectic schedule to answer (via email) a few questions about her, shall we say, nonfiction debut. (After all, what are InStyle and Ladies Home Journal if not fiction?)

Q: To start, I must ask, who is the lovely blonde actress frolicking all over your press release? Is she promoting a film?

(Ms. Haobsh declined to answer this question, so I will assume it is some actress from “Gossip Girl”—isn’t everyone on the CW about twelve?)

Q: Your book is clearly aimed at the younger generation. For instance, you refer to your readers as "girls.'' But there is the occasional nod to those of us past thirty. Since you are so young, I must ask: why the emphasis on looking youthful? I speak, of course, of the section on fillers and lasers. What, exactly, is incorrect with having wrinkles? Why do you think people are so terrified of aging these days?

A: I tried to write my book for women of all ages, which is why I have a section on fillers and lasers. Lasers, in particularly, are wonderful at treating a variety of problems---they're not just anti-aging, but excellent for treating acne, redness, pigmentation and scarring---and I believe in arming women with as much information as possible so they can make the best decisions for themselves. Regarding wrinkles, however, and our society's fear of aging, I think we worship youth too much, and so women who are over thirty –or, hell, even twenty-five in some areas—ahem, Hollywood, ahem— feel like they're past their prime, which is just not the case. Women get better with age! We become more confident in our skin, we become sexier (as opposed to just *pretending* to be sexy!) and we've achieved a certain level of wisdom that shows on faces. I love laugh lines and eye crinkles. A big honking frown line down the center of your forehead, however, is objectively not "looking your best", and if there are tools out there for you to soften the line, why not go with it? I think as long as you have healthy self-esteem, any small enhancement --- whether botox, a filler, highlights, or makeup --- isn't a bad thing. (Editorial aside: perhaps women over thirty should read this book with a grain of salt; otherwise it may increase the “big honking frown lines” down the center of their foreheads. Having them didn’t hurt Bette Davis, did it?)

Q: Thank you ever so much for mentioning the Dove Real Beauty campaign. As a luscious plus-sized woman myself, I applaud their efforts to bring even a trace of reality to the marketplace. It is my personal belief that the use of cocaine-addicted teenagers in fashion and beauty advertising is today’s worst beauty trend. Ms. Haobsh, what do you think is today’s worst beauty trend?

A: I think today's worst-beauty trend is along the same lines as your view: the promotion of unhealthy and unrealistic images in the media, and the use of overly-thin, overly young models to sell images to women twice their age. Many of these models aren't even old enough to vote, and yet women of America are comparing themselves to them, and then feeling bad about their beautiful bodies. Who got together and decided that no hips, no breasts, no tummy---no *femininity*---was a good thing? Our bodies are wonderful tools capable of doing amazing things, and I wish more women looked in the mirror and were happy with what they saw reflected back at them. (And, by the way, even the models and celebrities don't look that good; it's all airbrushed, anyway. So we're competing against images that don't even exist.) (Editorial aside: take a look at Ms. Haobsh's headshot below. No comment.)

Q: I am not one to pry, but on behalf of mon cher readers, I must ask: what were the exact words your boss used when she/he fired you at Ladies Home Journal? Or had you left LHJ and were then contacted by Seventeen?

A: I wasn't fired by Ladies Home Journal, but simply had my two weeks' notice declined after I told them I was leaving for Seventeen. They'd already known about the article; it was the one-two punch of being contacted by the New York Post and then my resignation that angered them. Out of respect for my former boss, who is one of the most talented, kind women I've had the pleasure of knowing, I won't go into the specific conversation! Needless to say, I regret letting her down.

Q: A question I like to pose to my, shall we say, thinner interviewees is: how much do you eat in a typical day? Could you outline a typical day’s meals?

A: I love food! I'll admit, however, that I'm uncomfortable with the emphasis we as women put on it; I feel like it's coming from the wrong place -- not as a celebration, but as an examination, as if there's something inherently wrong with eating and we're all naughty children. Regardless, I try to eat healthily: I typically have hard boiled eggs for breakfast, a tuna or chicken salad for lunch, almonds as a snack, and then either sushi (love tuna, salmon and sea urchin sashimi!) or chicken with vegetables for dinner. (Editorial aside: Hmmmm…)

A: Lest this sounds disgustingly healthy, let me just say that I'm writing this with a can of sugar-free Red Bull on the table next to me (so bad for me, I know!), probably drink three cups of coffee and a few Diet Cokes in any given day, and also put Splenda in my coffee. All of this angers my mother---an organic, crunchy granola health type---to no end, and I'm trying to be better about staying away from fake sugar. I don't have a sweet tooth, but rather, a carb-tooth. Mashed potatoes are my kryptonite - I adore them! I'm non-dairy, however; I simply don't like the taste and haven't since I was a toddler.

Q: One must agree with the conclusion of your book, that beauty should be fun. Except when it hurts. But do you ever feel that you are perpetrating a false ideal? Or merely helping women look their best? What are your thoughts? If it is not rocket science, as you say, why does everything cost as much as an M-15?

A: I absolutely feel that I'm trying to help women look their best---and without breaking their banks! Readers of my blog know that I despise the false images that the media is saturated with, encourage women to find the beauty in themselves, and also regularly (more often than not, actually!) recommend drugstore beauty products.

It's not that everything costs as much as an M-15, it's that these overpriced products are the only ones magazines are recommending because they have to please their (expensive) advertisers! I believe that department store products are often overrated anyway; most of what you're paying for is packaging, marketing and advertising. Olay Regenerist is one of the most effective anti-aging products on the market, and I'm besotted by Neutrogena skincare, which I use to the exclusion of the $100 creams and $75 cleansers sitting in my beauty cabinet. More expensive does not equal better, and I try to get that message across, both in my blog and in my book, by simply naming products that are fabulous, regardless of the price. Sure, it can be nice to pamper yourself, but if the $15 cream and the $115 will give you the same results, why not save $100 and treat yourself with something else?

(photo credit: George Bogart)

Ms. Haobsh's next project is a novel called "The Beauty Expert," which one suspects will be about a lovely young blonde who becomes a beauty editor. But perhaps not. You can find out more about Ms. Haobsh and her projects, blog and media appearances at

In the meantime, I'm off to slather myself with some Créme de La Mer and have the maid give Bucky a good rubdown with Sheapet shea butter.

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Friday, November 09, 2007

Party Dresses & Coats At The House of Style!


I still tire easily, but what is health when the holiday season is coming rapidly upon us? Here are some lovely vintage holiday dresses and coats in larger sizes at the Bodacious House of Style. Also one in a smaller size, but you will agree it is truly stunning! All are on auction and end soon! Don't look like everyone else at your holiday parties.

First, this vintage 50s taffeta teal dress, accented with gold, size dear dead friend Lana Turner loves it!

Second, this NEW Dries Van Noten designer coat in cashmere and wool, size 40/M:


Third, this vintage 60s Lurex threaded dress with an adorable peekaboo collar, size XXL:


Fourth, a Marilyn-worthy silk 50s dress in a fabulous print, size XXL:

Fifth, a 60s peach crepe dress in need of some minor TLC with a gold embellished bodice, also XXL:

Sixth, this magnificent 80s new wave cape with an asymmetrical overdrape going all the way around:


And last but hardly least, this silk blend blue swing coat, also size XXL:


Do swing by and snap up some treasures for yourself!

I must go lie down can only hope I am up to par when Project Runway starts up next week.

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Rising From My Sickbed At Long Last...


At last, I am rising from my sickbed! Although I am still quite frail, I must return to the business of Life and Fashion. Today I decided I might devote a little space to my other shop, Bodaciously Yours Vintage, located on Specialist Auctions.

After giving the matter some thought, it was decided there should be a place for the finer things, the designer clothes one is not willing to sell for $24.99. Not that I need the money—heaven forbid!

But I respect vintage clothing too much, in fact I respect all clothing too much (with the exception of the ridiculous DSW designer knock-off shoes my assistant is wearing as she types this—do you honestly believe they would fool anyone into thinking they are authentic crocodile?).

Ahem. Excuse me. Still a tad cranky after my ordeal.

So I opened my little shop, and have been stocking it with the same high-quality merchandise that you will find in my Ebay store. Here are some currently listed items for your delectation:

Vintage 40s Val Mode celery green crystal pleated slip, size 36:

Vintage 60s wool boucle' double breasted coat with novelty buttons, size L:

Contemporary lipstick red bugle beaded chiffon dance dress, size 20W:

Also in lipstick red, Donna Ricco evening dress, sheer below the knees, size 18w:

Vintage 70s Givenchy pendant necklace with small rhinestones:

And so much more! Do have a look around. I need to go lie down...being around my assistant, frankly, is exhausting. At least now she knows when to stop typing.

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Struck Down by the Common Flu...


I have not been here very much, due to coming down with a nasty case of the flu. One would have thought that if you only leave the house in a private limousine and associate with the best people (and no children), you are safe, but non. I urge the subway-riding commoners reading this to get a flu shot immédiatement.

So I have been laying in my bed of pain, eschewing my usual holistic remedies for aspirin, hot water with lemon and cayenne pepper, and Thai kim-chi udon soup. (You didn't think I was going to say chicken soup, did you?)

However, Fashion must go on, and so here are some things listed now at the Bodacious House of Style (link to your right, dahlings).

This sophisticated 50s vintage crepe dress with striped iridescent collar and cuffs, XL:


This lacy plus petite vintage 50s-60s dress, L-XL:


A flouncy 50s slip by Rogers, size M-L:


And finally, this beautiful fiery red print nightgown, 22/24W:

That's enough for now. Do go to my two shops (including Bodaciously Yours Vintage) and have a look. Every penny you spend will alleviate my suffering, mon chers.

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog (who is annoyingly healthy)

P.S. Many, many thanks to my wonderful readers who swooped down on these beautiful things!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

There Is Such A Thing As Too Much Fashion!


Let me be the first to admit, I am an avid collector of all things beautiful, particularly clothes. And jewels. And bric-a-brac (so often mispronounced by the hoi polloi). In fact, some years I converted two guest bedrooms into large walk-in closets to store my collection.

But recently, returning from a particularly large estate sale, I discovered, to my amaze, that there was nowhere to put any of it! I pulled open the closet doors in front of Bucky, and this was his reaction!

Being a woman of determination and quick thinking, I knew what I had to do. Clean out the clutter, the mess, the detritus of couture past.

And so I am holding a Cancel Out Clutter event--NOT a sale, I'm not an idiot who gives away my precious things. Look for XOC in my listing titles.

Some other wretched souls have, shall we say, stolen the idea from me, so they will also be using XOC. I tried to have it trademarked, but I was not swift enough. Through December 1st, my assistant is going to be here 24 hours a day, photographing, steaming, and listing away, until I can see the floors of the guest bedrooms again.

That ought to make her day when she comes in tomorrow.

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Monday, October 22, 2007

WHY Do They Let Idiots Be Famous?


I was trawling the Internet in search of...I don't know, some idle entertainment, perhaps a new fashion blog as yet undiscovered...when I stumbled across an "entertainment news" site.

It was a whole new world to me. People I'd barely heard of--Ashlee Simpson, Marie Osmond, Uncle Cracker (?)--all making complete fools of themselves.

I know any number of famous people. I run into Nicole Richie on a regular basis. She's unavoidable, particularly if there are cameras around. And no sentient being can go a single day without hearing about that awful Britney Spears. I have in my Ebay store a Near Mint Condition Vintage Mickey Mouse Club jacket, size XS:

It's so terribly sad, thinking about the days when Britney was a young innocent girl. Or perhaps she was not. Who is to know what went on in the studio? Apparently Justin Timberlake, the singing parking attendant (cf. my earlier entry) was also on the show.

And then I read about some man named Kid Rock being arrested for assault in an Atlanta waffle house. Apparently this man is a" singer". Oh, yes, his mug shot quite reminds one of Tony Bennett:

How terribly suave, in a white-trash drunken way.

Mon dieu, for the days when celebrities had to DO something to be famous (except for Zsa Zsa Gabor). There was a "slideshow" of celebrities in trouble, and it was all too sordid for words.

I am going to cleanse myself by reading French Vogue.

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

More Halloween Goodies From The House of Style!


I simply had to have my assistant post pictures of the marvelous things I still have for Halloween. The drag queen costume and the Victorian bride costume have been SOLD, but there are still some wonderful pretties available! (Can you tell I'm in a rather giddy mood? Chris Noth called a while ago! More than that I cannot say.)

Here are two Do It Yourself (or DIY) skirts, for those who care to soil their hands dying, ripping or otherwise carrying on. The waists are elastic, adjustable, and very large:


This is yet another Dead Bride (they always seek me out at this time of year!). Extrêmement glamour! The top and train are trimmed in marabou.


Do take a look, and see what else catches your fancy. I have to run...Chris is waiting!

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Monday, October 15, 2007

Fall In New York, and A New Venue!


Fall is here in New York at last! We have been sweltering in the unseasonable heat. But yesterday was cool, crisp, and sunny. A perfect time to attend the Tribute To New York celebration at P.J. Clarkes down in Battery Park. I’m still not positive what the whole thing was about, something to do with Italy and design.

We had to wear rosettes made of bright red ribbons with white circles that said “Tribute to New York” in the center. Fortunately your ever-chic correspondent was wearing a black Armani suit with a red silk blouse and a red Coach bag, so it matched. But the rosettes made us resemble members of an over aged high school glee club.

Other fabulously rich citizens munched on mini-hamburgers and risotto, which looked exactly like creamed corn. (Of course, the women would not touch the risotto and threw away the mini-hamburger buns, making them look even more carnivorous than they already did. Which is saying something.) And there was a great deal of cheap champagne being swilled down, naturellement, but not by moi.

My escort and I then strolled down to Culturefest, which should have been called White Tents With Brochures Fest. We “took a powder” as my dear dead friend Lana Turner would say, and went uptown for a decent meal.

The latest news on my end is that I have opened another venue! It is an elegant boutique for the finer things that I would not bother to sell on (ugh) Ebay.

Have no fear, my Ebay shop, Elisa’s Bodacious House of Style, is still my flagship store. But do take a look around Bodaciously Yours Vintage, at Specialist Auctions. It is not geared so exclusively to the full-figured female. Because, alas, as I have lamented in this blog-thing, there was no one in the 1930s sewing plus-sized Chanel knock-offs.

However, you will find such beauties as this Near Mint Vintage 1930s heavy cotton brocade gown in blue and white, with white silk satin collar and cuffs, size Medium:

And this ultra-Mod Vintage 60s Asian golden silk brocade jacket and dress set, with heavy gold soutache embroidery and large gold frog closures on the jacket. Tres Emma Peel in ‘The Avengers’, n’cest pas?


There is also fine jewelry and more. The link is to your right. Specialist Auctions is based in the United Kingdom, and they are ever so delightful to deal with. In fact, my friend Viviene of Born Too Late Vintage (recently profiled here) sells there, so take a look at her store as well!

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Monday, October 08, 2007

Halloween Comes To The House of Style!


Of course I have costumes for the discerning buyer! None of that rubber mask foolishness for yours truly, but a number of items that will make you look dazzling on that special night (unless you want splash fake blood on yourself and make yourself up as a zombie, it's your choice once the garment leaves my hands).

Two are up for auction and end in two days. After which they will go into my store, Elisa's Bodacious House of Style, at a much higher price.

The first was given to me in a church graveyard downtown by a beautiful young bride (you can read more about it in the description), a lovely Victorian-style 70s wedding dress with black and gray sheer lace and an enormous train! It is a size Small, but one cannot pick and choose one's ghosts!

The next is a size Medium. It was a dull white 80s prom dress but my assistant dyed it a shimmering silver (it was supposed to be black but the dunce can't do anything right, and it does look awfully pretty).

Recently listed is an actual drag queen costume--if Ginger Rogers were six foot five and a man, she would love this dress! Size 3X Tall.

Soon to be listed is another 80s prom dress, in black, size XXL:

And please do check my store over the next week for more wonderful Halloween items to come! Including DIY wedding skirts in very plus sizes for those of you who like to soil their hands to do with as you wish.

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Ebay In Person...Or Was It?


My deepest apologies, once again, for letting life get in the way of this blog-thing. As you know, in my last entry, I was reflecting upon Karma after my (ugh) Ebay account was hacked. And then I received the invitation to Ebay In Person. It was in the last week of September.

It was at a tres’ luxurious hotel on the East Side in midtown Manhattan. As we walked in we were handed little notebooks with Ebay on the front and pens that said Ebay. Inside the large conference room was a large buffet, set with food and drink that my seller’s fees were paying for. Of course I wore a stunning 50s blue and black brocade dress and carried Bucky with me. The various Ebay personnel wore name badges and fixed smiles as they greeted us. I nodded politely, ate some expensive hors-deouvres, and mingled as best I could. It seemed that most of the attendees were buyers, and a few part-time sellers. Waiters bearing more expensive nibbles circulated among the crowd. I speared some sweet and sour chicken for Bucky, and a small beef burrito for myself.

An avuncular bearded type who called himself Griff was the subject of much adulation—apparently he has a radio show on Ebay. He bore a remarkable resemblance to that fellow who used to do the oatmeal commercials, what was his name—Wilfred something-or-other. Apparently he wanted us to call him “Uncle Griff.” I suppressed a sneer. I’ve never understood the need that some people have to be thought of as Uncle This or Grandma That…don’t they have their own relatives to annoy?

After what seemed an endless cocktail party without cocktails, we were all seated at round tables for the Question and Answer session with the various Ebay staff members. Their clothes—black shirts with “Ebay” on them and pants—made both the men and women look oddly like male Mormons.

“Uncle Griff” was in charge of the Q&A, running through the crowd to hand off the microphone to various audience members. “Spotters” around the room selected who would ask a question. I managed to give the spotter near me a seductive look and indicated that I wanted to ask a question. When other audience members posed their questions, the only description that applies is that they were given word for word the same canned answers that we received in emails, but now earnestly delivered in person.

(It crossed my mind that Ebay might actually be a cult..)

When it was my turn, I stood up holding Bucky, which really got the cameras going. I smiled as if unsalted butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth, praised Paypal’s Resolution Center, thanked them for moving Reproductions in Vintage, and then asked:

“Earlier this week hundreds of Ebay accounts were hacked. Their names, IDs, and credit card info were on the Trust and Safety Board. When I went to look, the board had been taken down. My ID, which I treasure, which is integral to my good name, had been hacked. When I called the credit card company, they said the initial charges were coming through Ebay. What do you intend to do about this, may one ask?"

The gentleman in charge of Trust and Safety looked gravely at me. He replied that most of their action was being taken on the security side on prevention, that it was hard to keep ahead of the scammers. However, “we’re leading the industry in that area.” Oh? As far as one could discern, the only institution that had fewer leaks than Ebay was the government.

The endless Q&A went on. Some of the answers seemed to be outright lies, if only from anecdotal experience, and the rest was personably impersonal. I lost interest, and took Bucky and self for a short stroll. When I returned, it was almost over.

I sat back down in my chair, we applauded dutifully, and the Ebay employees stepped off the podium. The gentleman in charge of Trust And Safety pulled up a chair next to me.

In a voice that suggested that he was speaking to a small, idiotic child, he asked me to describe the whole experience in great detail. So I did. The gentleman took notes.

He gave me an enormous smile and said, “Elisa, there are people out there who want to make Ebay look bad. This didn’t come from Ebay.”

I did not correct his familiarity in using my first name, but retorted: “The charges came from Ebay. That’s what the credit card company told me.”

“No, they didn’t. They came from somewhere else.”

“That’s not what the credit card company said. The charges were from Ebay.”

No, Elisa, they did not. You did everything right, changing your passwords and canceling your card. That was good thinking on your part, Elisa! We’re going to be issuing a press release about it in a few days.”

To be honest, I was afraid he was going to pat my knee, and then I was going to have to tell Bucky to attack him. However, with a reassuring nod, he closed his notepad and moved on to another poor soul.

The audience was filing out into the unseasonably hot September night, and that's when I saw her. If only because she was wearing a garment completely unsuited to the weather.

A vintage cheetah coat with otter collar and CUFFS!

"Stop that woman!" I cried, but it was too late. She had slipped out of the double doors and into the night.

A few days later, I received a follow-up email, informing me that Ebay is one of the safest sites on the Internet. Hmmmmph.

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Monday, October 01, 2007

Karma Strikes...In The Form of Ebay!


As faithful readers of this blog-thing know, my dear dead friend Lana Turner came to me to warn me that something called “Karma” was about to strike. And strike it did!

The morning after Lana’s visitation, I breakfasted, washed, dressed in a new wisp of chiffon and went into my office without a care in the world. I fully intended to write about my lovely evening at Te Casan, a simply marvelous shoe store, for a book signing event.

There I found my new assistant cowering in front of the computer. Her face was as white as a sheet of copy paper.

“What is it now?” I demanded.

“I—I—don’t know how to tell you,” she responded, flinching. “But your Ebay account—somebody hacked it! I knew these weren’t phony emails, so I checked your account, and someone has hacked into it!”

MOVE!” I said, and pushed her out of the way so that I could sit at the computer. It was but the work of the moment to pull up my email, and see notices that said “Verification of new account with Ebay--credit card on file”. And indeed, they had originated from my (ugh) Ebay account. My heart in my throat, I called the credit card that was attached to the account.

The credit card representative looked into my record, and oui, several small charges had come through Ebay (these are small amounts debited from your card to set up new IDs)! Not only that, the hacker had gone on to max out my credit card in less than 24 hours! And my credit limit is higher than the national debt!

As I sat, gasping with shock, the representative read me the details and I discovered the worst part of it all.

The fiend had used my credit card to buy…vintage.

And not just any vintage! A cheetah coat with collar and cuffs made from otter by Christian Dior from 1967! Two Fortuny gowns! A Jean Louis original evening gown from the 1950s. Mountains of Adrian from his retail line! A dress on sale from Liza Minelli’s collection! A Paul Poiret tea gown! A Claire McCardell “popover” dress in wool! Vintage Oscar de la Renta!

Whoever it was knew my taste, and knew exactly what I had been looking at recently, and where.

(Save for the Liza Minelli dress. Donnez-moi une coupure.)

A wail of anguish broke from my throat, and I fell back in my chair, sobbing. The credit card company had not thought to contact me because I am wont to buy high end vintage for my personal collection on a regular basis. The company could not refund such an enormous loss, only a small part of it. That didn’t matter, it’s only money, but the vintage


Suddenly, I heard Lana’s voice in my head: " we used to say, what goes around, comes around. And oh, boy, do you have it coming around!"

She was right. Not only was it time to cancel my credit card and change all of my passwords, it was time to start treating the help better. It went against my basic nature, but there it was.

I looked over at my assistant, who had backed up against the wall so hard it looked like she would disappear into the flowered wallpaper. Although it choked me to say it, I said:

“It’s not your fault, my dear, so put it out of your mind. It is my problem and I have to solve it by myself. Please sit down on the divan, you look like you’re going to faint.”

“You’re—you’re not going to scream at me? Throw anything at me? Push me over?” There was disbelief in her tone.

I forced a smile. “No, there won't be any of that any more. I’ve had a warning…somewhat like Marley’s ghost, only shapelier. Why don’t you take the rest of the day off? It will take me forever to straighten out this mess.”

After my assistant had left, I pondered what Lana had told me. It had indeed come to pass…it was the Jean Louis that hurt the most.

And, in all candor, my assistant was wearing a hideous ersatz 1970s chartreuse print dress from Strawberry, and I was deeply grateful that I did not have to look at it for the rest of the day.

But even worse was to come…at “Ebay In Person”.

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Friday, September 28, 2007

Lana Turner Gives Me A Warning...


Let me tell you a story.

A few nights ago, I was lying abed, in my usual wisp of chiffon, a scented candle made by Sarah Jessica Parker burning near the bed. Bucky was in his little dog bed, making soft woofing noises, presumably chasing a one-foot-high Andre Leon Talley in his dreams. I was in that mystic state between sleep and waking.

And then I heard someone softly calling my name. Thinking my assistant had locked herself in the armoire or some such, my eyes snapped open and I said, “WHAT DO YOU WANT?”

Standing before me, as beautiful as ever, was my dear dead friend Lana Turner!

She was in her spangled costume from “Dancing Co-Ed,” back in her red-haired days, and gazing at me with a disapproving smile on her lovely young face.

“Lana, dahling! How nice to see you, and without even a medium around!” I cried, sitting up. Bucky looked up, blinked, and went back to sleep. Dogs are overly pragmatic sometimes, if you ask moi.

“Oh, honey, I had to come. I’ve been watching you for a while.”

Moi? Whatever for?”

Lana hesitated, and then said, “The way you treat your help. I mean, when I was alive I was plenty temperamental, and I fired my fair share of folks. But youyou’ve got to slow down! Soon you’ll simply run out of hired help! Even prisoners on work release wouldn’t work for you.”

I drew myself up, gathering my wisp around me. “I hardly think my attitude towards the idiots I hire is your business, my dear Mademoiselle Turner. After all, things have changed since your time. People don’t know their place.”

She shrugged her shoulders, sparkling slightly. “There’s something I learned about where I’ve been, honey. It’s called karma. Or as we used to say, what goes around, comes around. And oh, boy, do you have it coming around! When I was first at Metro, and I wasn’t a star, they worked me like a dog. School, acting lessons, dancing lessons, publicity—I didn’t have a minute free. That’s what you’re doing to your staff, and they don’t get to be movie stars in return like I did.”

Merde,” I retorted.

Lana threw up her hands. “Okay, don’t listen. But you’ll see what I mean, if you know what I mean. See ya round the séance table!”

And with that she vanished. But I was later to learn exactly what she meant.

To be continued –

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Monday, September 24, 2007

Such A Relief to Order People Around Again!


Pardonnez moi once again for not having posted recently, but I had to hire a maid and a new personal assistant! Exhausting, I tell you. Checking mountains of references, having my detectives send the videos to my Blackberry, making sure all of the apartment Hide-A-Cams are in place--

Not to mention, shall we say, "arranging" to have my former assistant--well, what is the word I want? Silenced? Yes, I believe silenced is the safest choice.

After all, she did resign without notice during Fashion Week Spring 2008.

Now do not leap to conclusions--she's not dead, just a tad, well, shaken up.

My new assistant is easily intimidated, and that makes things so much smoother. And there are several new riders on the confidentiality agreement. My new maid is not only childless, but unmarried, so there should be nothing that prevents her from fulfilling my merest whim day or night.


Ahem. What was I saying? Oh, dear, my assistant jumped a bit when I called to the maid.

It's all right, dear, I won't hurt you. If you behave. Just keep typing until I tell you to stop. And remember, don't get your face too close to Bucky's mouth. He's adorable, but those teeth are razor sharp and he has, as the television hosts say, "issues" about anyone but moi being too close to him.

Ah, I must tell you, my faithful readers, this is sheer bliss. I feel like Anna Wintour.

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

It's all right, dear, you can stop typing now. No, really, NOW. I mean NOW. STOP TYPING! WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU, YOU IDIOT? DO I HAVE TO PULL YOUR HANDS OFF THE KEY--

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

A Parade of Shoes Marches To The House of Style!


There is currently a girl from the temp agency here (I would not trust her with this blog-thing, but she seems to be competent at steaming clothes) until I can get someone up to my standards.

Is that TOO MUCH to ask? Sometimes it feels like such a bother to learn my assistant's name, since there's going to be a new one ere long. No loyalty these days, that is the problem. No loyalty at all. Maybe I should call them all "Smithie" and leave it at that.

In any event, the Bodacious House of Style is offering some new and vintage footwear for fall, and some of them are already up, so do please take a look!

New With Tags Faux Leather Sandals, size 11W:

Vintage 60s Coquettes Hot Pink Fabric Kitten Heels, with original box, size 8:

Strappy Evan Picone High Heels, size 8.5:

New With Tags Fioni Black and White Ankle Cuff Sandals, size 12:

New Without Box Steve Madden Silver Wedge Platform Slides, size 10:

Vintage 80s Midnight Blue Satin medium heel Pumps with rhinestones in the bows, size 12:

What are you waiting for? Start shoe shopping!

Oh, dear, I heard a scream from the workroom...the temp/"Smithie" must have had an accident with the steamer. Why do these things always happen to moi??

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Tyra Banks Speaks For Us All!


This must be short, because I have a parade of candidates for a new maid to interview today. (After the previous incident, I shall make certain they are childless.)

However, this was sent to me by an admirer. I do not watch television, but I do know who Tyra Banks is, and I believe this should be viewed by all of the women who read this blog:

While I would never use such language, I applaud her courage. Particularly after watching dozens of starving teenagers stagger through Fashion Week.

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog

Friday, September 14, 2007

The Three Tomatoes Write About Moi!


Fashion Week is over at last, and now I have some time to myself. And I truly mean to myself, because my assistant and my maid both resigned during the past week. So, it's been calls to the employment agencies and take-out from Pastis, until this dry spell is over.

Fortunately, my wonderful pup Bucky is always there for me, in good times and bad. As I type this, he is on my lap, which makes typing slightly difficult. Because his head is resting on my right forearm. But move him? Never! A dog's love is forever--

Oh! He jumped off my lap and trotted out of the room! Damn the beast! Bucky must have smelled the leftover coq au vin in the kitchen that I was heating up.

Heating up my own leftovers...that is what your faithful correspondent is reduced to. But life could be far worse.

This same week, I was profiled in The Three Tomatoes, a simply marvelous e-newsletter aimed at the fairer sex, with both tremendous aplomb and wide circulation. It's an absolute must-read, mes amis.

Here’s the link to yesterday’s newsletter:

Read and enjoy! And envy me, of course. (But then, who does not?) The only fact they got wrong is that I have never been in rehab...that horrible doppelganger with the same name of mine has been, and HOW she got mentioned in the article is beyond me! Being confused with her is so deeply annoying. I have sent letters from my lawyer demanding she change her name, but so far the upstart has refused.

With that one small exception, it is a delightful article in a wonderful publication, so I shall graciously overlook it. Pardonnez moi, I have to go rescue the coq au vin. Bucky has a terribly sensitive little tummy and I cannot have him messing the carpets.

Elisa and Bucky the not-so-Wonderdog

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Fashion Week. Marc and Marc: A Study In Contrasts


As you might guess, my new assistant did not quite work out.

So I am actually transcribing this myself, which explains the delay. I have tried to keep up, but there are only so many hours in the day, particularly when you have to keep changing your attire. (I dreaded being criticized by the Fugly Girls in New York magazine for wearing the same outfit twice! They are tres amusant, but merciless.)

Unfortunately, on Monday I had the unpleasant task of not only firing my would-be assistant, but that meant that my maid resigned as well. I was effectively left with NO staff whatsoever, except for my limo driver!

However! Your faithful correspondent is not a woman who bows down before Fate; I dressed myself in a silk robins-egg blue Calvin Klein dress with matching shoes and a carrier for Bucky, and packed a vintage Chanel outfit for the Marc Jacobs show.

I started by attending the Marc Bouwer show at the Promenade. The set design was cool and apaiser, a glowing green runway and backdrop. On each seat was a little tin of sugarless mints, labeled Marc Bouwer Glimints. (Since I arrived early and several seats were still empty, I helped myself. A woman can never have too many breath mints. One might find oneself talking to Roger Federer!)

At first I was a tad de'céu. The first dresses were well cut, but so billowy. Perfect if one is having what is called a “fat day,” but not my idea of Fashion In The True Sense. And there was one white bathing suit that was the image of Rudi Gernreich. The models were all wearing top knots that looked extremely painful, except for one blonde with short hair. So no hats.

However, once the colors came in, matters quickly improved! Turquoise is one of my favorite colors, and it was well represented in dresses, bathing suits, and other garments. The rest of the show was a dazzling sea of color. There was a magnificent red gown that I would have torn off the model’s back had I been sitting close enough. The overall look for the collection was flowing, drapy, and soft.

The only misstep, to moi, was the simply hideous sequined beaded patchwork minidress. What was the man thinking? That Halloween is coming?

However, he saved the best for last: the spectacular dress that closed the show, a turquoise goddess gown with a satin and chiffon train and a matching shredded capelet that mimicked feathers.

Ivana Trump was in the front row near me, of course, with her youthful charge, and on the other side sat a number of models who were to do the Marc Jacobs show much, much, much later in the evening. Tim Gunn and Veronica Webb were there. Fortunately Mr. Gunn didn’t recognize me in the dark. Also nearby was Lisa Marie Presley, who has gone blonde, a most unfortunate choice.

Backstage, I snuck out my camera and got a shot of the designer being interviewed by Veronica Webb (forgive the quality of the shot).

There was an after-party at a hot, tiny storefront down on West 18th Street, where I drank diet soda and made small talk with a rather drunk foreign blonde whom I believe was Donatella Versace.

Then it was back into the limo, out of the Calvin Klein, into the Chanel, put Bucky in a matching burgundy carrier, and back to the Lexington Avenue Armory for the Marc Jacobs show. I had already been informed it was going to start late, but two hours? I had been banned from his show during the last Fashion Week, but I managed to wrangle an invitation in exchange for...well, let's just say it was not exactly legal and involved going to Chinatown in dark glasses.

I am sorry, mon cher readers, but I simply. Didn’t. Get it. There was all this talk of “breaking the barriers of old fashioned sexuality,” which is a lovely idea…Victoria Beckham looked truly ridiculous in the tightest dress this side of a Lower East Side drag queen…but to moi, this is not what is going to take its place. Who needs funny hats when you can have hair like a homeless person?

Courtney Love, swaying slightly, seemed to be enjoying it all, however. I was going to take her to task for inflicting babydoll dresses on us all. But then I remembered it was actually her husband, Kurt Cobain, who introduced that particular phenomenon. A pity that he was the one with the looks and the talent.

The only thing more ridiculous was this outfit from Marc for Marc Jacobs...he absolutely outdid himself, if that's the word I want.

What the well-dressed young lunatic is wearing, no doubt.

Elisa & Bucky the Wonderdog