Friday, October 13, 2006

Project Runway Scandale! And: Size 6 is Plus Size?

Dahlings,

Yes, I needed a very large daiquiri, but I steeled myself and watched the 'Finale Part One' (isn't that an oxymoron? Moron being the operative word) of Project Runway the other night.

Mon dieu. So it seems the Neck-Thing, or Jeffrey, as he is named, did not do the sensible thing with his $8,000 and get a chin implant. Rather, he outsourced his sewing. Naughty boy. Meanwhile, poor Laura, who simply cannot stop breeding, was upset enough to report him to that tall fellow who oozes sympathy. Emphasis on the ooze. I checked the Project Runway message board out of curiosity. Again, mon dieu! Do these illiterate peasants know how to spell? They certainly do not know how to type. In fact, they are as pathetic as my personal assistant--

DON'T YOU DARE GIVE ME THAT LOOK! KEEP TYPING, YOU NIGHTMARE IN LEGGINGS!

Excuse me. As I was saying, are these people all in junior high school? (Public junior high school, I hasten to add.) All of the messages calling Laura obscene names, threatening to never watch the show again if Neck-Thing gets disqualified...

I was going to say, Get A Life, but William Shatner beat me to it, years ago. Damn. The home visits were nice enough, thank goodness Vincent did not make it to the Final Four. And the program was blessedly Klum-free. Although I did not believe for a moment the tall man's comment that she finds kicking people off the show painful at times. If she does, it's painful in a good way, if you know what I mean. The woman should have been a dentist.

Speaking of dentists, I had the oral hygienist give me a thorough cleaning. My teeth are as sparkling as when I first got my Zoom whitening. And my assistant has been interviewing new maids. It's impossible to get good help these days, as my dear friend Foxie remarked.

But I digress. While perusing the website, I was shocked--shocked!--to find out that a size 6 model is considered PLUS SIZE. Are these people deranged? That model was the only one whose knees looked remotely like knees, and not like baseballs balanced on twigs! THIS is what an actual size 6 looks like, my dears:



I have written here before about the shocking trend toward the Dachau look in fashion, and the disturbing rise of the clavicle. (And an ill-tempered clavicle it is!) We women of Rubenesque dimensions must band together and DEMAND that fashion take note of bosoms, buttocks, legs, plump dimpled elbows, and all of those other beautiful touches that make a female...well, female.

One can only be grateful to have missed the 'Everyday Woman' episode. These people must be stopped. Please send in suggestions for ways to take action!

And now to business--here are some lovely fashions I am offering for the normally-endowed female:







Ciao for now,
Elisa and Bucky the Wonderdog




4 comments:

Wayne & P.Grace said...

You look MARVELOUS dahling in that red dress!

Hoardmeister said...

Why, you make me blush!

Suzy H said...

Greetings from the UK, where the average dress size is a US size 12.
How can a US size 6 be a plus size - crikey O'Reilly - what are they thinking. One cannot consider one's self a person or indeed a woman of substance until you are in excess of such a size surely?
Fabulous blog dahlink!

Hoardmeister said...

Thank you, Suzy! Here in the US the average dress size is a 14, which is an English 16 (yes, I have spent time in the UK). You might want to read my posts on US Fashion Week in September.