Saturday, September 23, 2006

When Thin Is TOO In! Fashion Week finis

Good evening, dahlings -

I am SO SORRY that I have not written further about Fashion Week! All of you poor souls are slavering for my opinions on all of the shows I went to, whether by invitation or sneaking under the tent folds.

Some of the shock and awe I experienced can be explained in one picture:

There isn't enough tulle in the KNOWN UNIVERSE to make these emaciated drug addicted children look like women in any sense. You could get razor cuts by shaking their hands. And they were everywhere at Fashion Week, dahlings, staggering down the runways. At the Behnaz Sarafpour show, there was so much room room between Natasha Poly's thighs you could hear the wind howling...or perhaps it was the horrified spectators. The Luca Luca show, where the fashion was as redundant as the label's name, bony knees and gaunt arms were the order of the day.

As a shall we say, robust female, I was deeply disturbed by the prevailing notion that to be fashionable is to look like you've been rescued from Auschwitz. Or like a bobblehead doll. Even such steadfast purveyors of beautiful clothes such as Vera Wang and Carolina Herrera used these stick figures.

I made sure to sit in the front row of every show, blatantly eating chocolate. And enjoying the moans of hunger from the models as they passed before me. Hana Soukopova nearly leapt off one runway and attempted to seize the Toblerone from my hand, dahlings, before her harried handlers dragged her off screaming in some foreign language. I think she was saying, "Give me some food! Or some more heroin!"

But enough about that. I shall be selling some divine Halloween costumes at my Ebay store, Elisa's Bounteous House of Style, in sizes from Small* to Extra-Large, with an accent on the Extra. Do come take a look!

Ciao for now, dahlings,
Elisa and Bucky the Wonderdog

* Small as in stature, not as in anorexic.


Julie The Zaftig Goddess said...

Thanks for the fashion week round-up.
I'm tired of the 15 year old, meth diet look that the models are all sporting.
Looking through Vogue the models all looked like little girls playing dress up.

Hoardmeister said...

If ONLY, dahling, if only! If I saw a little child looking like that, I'd drag it straight to the nearest cafeteria and force it to eat rice pudding!

Foxy Moxie Vintage said...

Elisa, dahling. We haven't spoken in ages it seems. Far too long. We really must do lunch.

Did you hear that Spain just passed a law a few weeks ago banning designers from using emeciated models? I could not believe my ears.

Hoardmeister said...

Dahling Foxie -

Those Spaniards have the right idea. The English tried to do it too, but were out-voted. Unfortunately, English cuisine is so inedible it's easy for the models to turn it down, it seems.

Lunch it is! Ches nous?

Maureen said...

Dahling, I tried to leave you the most simply divine comment last night but this grotty little comment function just would not cooperate. It must be union!

And now, I simply can't recall the full text of my previous comments! It really was so delight and witty. Filled with exquisite rhymes and prose.

Oh cie le vie. What's a girl to do. Just know dahling, that I did so enjoy your repartee on the bone thin children. Thank you for bringing their plight to my attention. I've asked Jane to please issue a check to whatever charity gets the food to them. Oh the poor dahling.

Well must rush. Bruno is waiting at the club and I swear if I'm late that man will drink himself silly.

Cheers dahling!

Oh by the by, I've added your name to the guest list for the christening of Bruno's newest polo pony. You can find the list here:

Gattina said...

Maybe they could work as scarecrows ? Slim is nice but being a skeleton where you can hear the bones rattle is really not enjoyable. Models like Claudia Schiffer or even Naomi Campell at least had forms and where not looking like flat ironing boards.