Thursday, September 07, 2006

Question From A Reader, Poor Dear

Dear Elisa,
I’m tall and thin...but the closest I’ve come to a rock star/celebrity was almost meeting Barry Gibb (missed him by 5 minutes!) ...what am I doing wrong?
signed, Kim

Kim, to answer your question: from your address, I deduce that you live in central Pennsylvania. Your problem is a simple as that. The last time I checked, there were no Amish celebrities (Weird Al Yankovick does not count, my dears). You might move to--ugh--Pittsburgh, where an occasional celebrity or power dealer is known to pass through the airport.

Oh, dear that dratted Japanese puppy is still barking. YOU THERE! GO GIVE THAT DOG ANOTHER HALF A XANAX, THAT SHOULD SHUT IT UP! Bucky has gone to a lovely home in Connecticut, and his new owners are very happy with him. Damn. I might have to sue to get him back. He didn't bark nearly this much. Perhaps I'll have him surgically altered to look like a French bulldog, they're tres' chic.

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